Social Awareness Can Totally Suck

Social Awareness: understanding how you react to different social situations, and effectively modify your interactions with others so you achieve the best result.

I was going to write about how social awareness really sucks some times, when I noticed I already had a draft saved titled "Social Awareness Sucks" from just over a year ago. Seems we have come full circle. We are at a different level of sucky-ness than when I wrote the first draft. When I wrote the first draft my heart was so broken for Joey, which is why I never finished the post. It still really breaks my heart when I think back to that time.

Let me start by saying that I have always admired Joey's ability to do what he enjoys without fear of what others might think of him. He had always been content to do his own thing even if he was doing it alone. Also, let me say kids can be so mean!

Joey's lack of social awareness was a bittersweet blessing, it protected him from the cruelty of his classmates. While he was content to do his own thing, he wanted nothing more that to have friends and be included. He tried so hard and did everything he should have to make friends, but he was already written off as the "weird kid". He was deemed one of the weird ones because of he couldn't sit still and talked too much, his behavior when he was frustrated with his school work, and because he wrote/colored like a kindergartner (dysgraphia).  Every day he tried to engage his classmates, every day he was rebuffed by them. I was shattered the day he told me about the game he got played with his "friends", it was called "Joey Can't Play". He explained it that he goes to different groups of kids and tries to join whatever game they are playing and they find different ways to make it look like he was playing but he wasn't actually allowed to play. He had the biggest smile on his face when he told me too. To him this was his way to be included. The blessing part of this, he had no idea that kids were being cruel and counted every single kid in his class as his friend. Having to talk to him about how his "friends" weren't really his friends, was one of the more difficult conversations I've had to have with him.

Fast forward a couple months and a new medication change, Joey hits the beginnings of social awareness. He comes home from school with the realization that everyone hates him. He sits by the wall all recess or on the"Buddy Bench" (the bench for when you're looking for someone willing to play with you). His class had instituted "The Joey Touch" and it had started to overflow to the rest of the grade during lunches. Everyone groaned and tried to switch partners when paired up with him. He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong to make everyone dislike him. The more he tried to act like everyone else the more the pushed him away. They were even setting him up to get in trouble, they would invite him to play tag then tell the recess monitors that he was chasing them (the school social worker was able to actually witness this a few times).

Beginning of 5th grade, we saw the grace of social awareness, although he still struggled to be liked by his peers. He curbed some of his quirky ways while at school. When he talked to peers he stayed mostly on their topic. He focused on finding just one or two kids to be friends with. He stayed away from the kids who were being mean or rude to him. He tried reverse psychology on them per my request just to see what would happen. He stopped chasing the girls at recess when they asked, he'd walk up to a group of kids playing a game ask what they were doing then walk away uninterested. Slowly the kids started noticing that Joey wasn't trying to be included and started finding ways to include themselves in what he was doing. I'm so grateful that worked in our favor, we had a 50/50 shot of that actually working. He was less frustrated with his school work due to finally finding a medication that worked for him. His teacher was awesome and did a lot of class work together; as his peers started realize Joey's really smart and has really good ideas they stopped complaining when they were paired up with him.

That brings us to now, end of 5th grade beginning of 6th grade. He has a pretty good handle on what the social norms are. He still has areas he needs to work on but has made amazing progress, and I'm so proud of him. He has a couple friends and talks at least in passing to most of the kids. He's so afraid to be singled out as the weird kid again. He doesn't want to do anything that might cause his peers to think he's different from them. He doesn't want any accommodations that help him with his school work (like going to the resource room during tests) or teachers checking that he has any homework packed to be taken home. He understands that everything we put in place is to help make life easier on him and is meant to be temporary, but he doesn't want to be different anymore. As of right now we have no modifications or accommodations in place.

His being wary of what being different has overflowed to outside of school also. He doesn't want to take his ADHD medication and refuses to cooperate at occupational therapy. Yesterday I was called back at OT because Joey refused to do any of the exercises and literally had the OT chasing him wall to wall. Once I was back there he stood arms crossed and refused to do what he was asked until I threatened to take one of his privileges away. His reasoning he's not autistic like the other kids who go there (granted majority of the kids who also go the therapy center are more severely autistic), and it makes him feel like we think of him as "autistic like them". I have sat down and talk with Joey about why he needs his medication and therapy many times; he knows he needs both, but doesn't want to need them. He doesn't want to be different anymore.

Just Leave it Out

I have been a parent for almost 16 years and I'm still figuring things out. Ever do something so simple and have it work wonders and think to yourself, why have I never thought of that before? That's what happened today. I'm sure this is something other parents have figured out ages ago, but it just never crossed my mind until today.

My boys are fantastic when it comes to picking out fruits and veggies. They have their favorites but are also willing to try new things. I'm that crazy mom in the produce aisle looking up how to tell if a starfruit is ripe and the best way to use them. We buy loads of fresh produce with ever intention to eat them.

Once home and everything put away, slowly our beloved strawberries we had planned to slice up get pushed back into the back corners of the fridge. Our watermelon we painstaking searched through the bin for becomes overlooked as part of our kitchen decor.

Forget about the vegetable drawer, if it can't be seen then it must not exist. Anything that goes in that drawer doesn't get scooped out in it's half decomposed sate until our next grocery shopping day. Instead that's where I hide the chocolate and sweet treats, it's always a sweet surprise now whenever I get around to open that drawer :)

I have tried reminding my boys "There's fruit in the fridge" and making suggestions "why don't you grab a banana", yet so much goes to waste. I'd get so annoyed, they begged for mangoes and now I'm having to throw them away again. I bought apples, even Joey will eat apples yet here they sit.

I couldn't figure it out, they pig out on fruits and veggies at Grandma's house. Like seriously will eat every piece of fruit she has in her house. I buy the same things she does. I have even gone as far as buying them at the same store she does.

Then it dawned on me, it's gotta be in a bowl!! We often tease my mom about how she always has to present everything in a bowl or on a platter. Bag of potatoes chips on the table, she'll pour them in a bowl. Sliced watermelon it all stacked neatly on a platter.

I'm busy keeping up with 3 boys ( and cleaning up after them) I don't have time for bowls and platters for presentation. They really don't care one way or the other about how food is present as long as there is food. We are all about efficiency. They want chips tear open the bag and count that you still have all your fingers after setting in the mist of all 3 of them. Watermelon, slice it and tell them to grab some if they want it.

Yet Grandma's bowl thing seems to gravitate there hands. So I gave it a shot.

I sliced up some cucumbers, set them on a plate and left them on the counter. Jordan walks through to refill his water bottle and ask who's cucumbers, I replied no one's really. He grabbed 4 slices and walked out. Jacob notices that someone is eating something and being the youngest wants to make sure he gets his share, walks in and takes a handful. Now these are the same cucumbers that have been sitting on counter all week that no one noticed.

With the cucumbers gone, I start pulling more stuff out of the fridge. Rinse some grapes and place them in a bowl on the kitchen table. I cut up the watermelon leaving the bowl on the opposite side of the kitchen. I broke out out "Garlic, Garlic dip" peeled some carrots and broke up some broccoli, those went on the picnic table.

As I stood there mindlessly eating grapes I watched my boys grab some of everything that was placed out.  Before the night was through they had eaten  two stalks of broccoli, a bag of carrots, a whole watermelon and a bag of grapes. Okay I have joined in with grabbing some of this and a little of that as I passed by. Even the neighbor kids asked for toothpicks to snack on some watermelon when playing in our yard.

When it's in a bowl they know it's washed and ready to eat. Also I have taken the "work" out eating them. I have them washed, sliced, cut, peeled, and presented. Also many of us are accustomed to mindless eating when we see food sitting in front of us.

So this was my "DUH" moment for the day. So simple, yet it never dawned on me. With this system in place we'll actually need to visit our Farmer's Market on Saturday morning.

Tantrum Tuesaday!! 1/3 of My Children Always Seem To Be Backsliding

I sat down to write about our adventure at another new park for us, when I get a call from the school. So change of plans I'm going to hold off on that post, and do another Tantrum Tuesday instead.

Why is that I can never have all 3 of my boys acting right and making positive choices all at the same time? I'd settle for just one day of them all doing what they are suppose to! There is always one, and sometimes two, that seem to be going off the deep end. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that (as of yet) I haven't had them all losing their common sense at the same time. Is it really too much to ask for them to think before they do something?

I know. I know. They're boys and don't always think things through. Also that they are kids and being a kid is when you make mistakes and learn from your mistakes. Seriously though, can't a mom catch a break. When one starts making big strides in their behavior, another one seems to decide to backslide. Most often it alternates between my two oldest. Jake has his moments too, but not to the same degree as the older two (yet).

Here's a couple examples for you:

1) Joey decided that he was through with school, his teacher, and homework about a month ago. Just stop doing assignments and overall giving all his teachers a hard time. He was telling his teachers he left his homework at home and telling me that he was suppose to leave the assignment at school to finish or that it was already finished. We found a stack of unfinished assignments crammed into the back of his desk. While trying to figure out what Joey's deal was and get him back on track, Jordan stepped up his game. Jordan cleared out his locker finding missing assignments which he turned in for a reduced grade. He was being kinder to his brothers. He was actually playing with the younger kids in the neighborhood. Helping me around the house. Just all around being encouraging and a helping hand to many.

2) I recently bragged on Facebook how awesome Joey has been doing. He's back on track and catching up his assignments. He's making friends at school and actually talking to them outside of school. He's making progress with some of his sensory issues. He's still being Joey and we have few bumps that get turned into mountains throughout the day, but overall he's been doing great. That's Jordan's cue turn my hair grey. Today's phone call was to notify me that Jordan will be suspended from school tomorrow. There was a "reward field trip" today for the students who had kept their grades up and haven't gotten any write ups. Those kids who were doing what they were suppose to all year long, had earned themselves a day riding go-carts. Jordan was not counted as part of that group of kids this year. Jordan decided that he wanted to go anyways and snuck onto the bus. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Jordan yet, but I'm guessing he didn't figure once there the teachers would do a head count. Seems he wasn't suppose to be there, they put him back on the bus and brought him back to school. He was written up as skipping school. That's his second suspension within a month. With only a little over a week left of school, hopefully it will be his last.

When Jordan and Joey are both working in a positive direction, no matter how briefly, is when Jacob's attitude comes out in full force. Jake takes his school work very seriously so he never slacks there, but he makes up for it with his mood swings. My little snuggle bear turns ornery!! There is no pleasing him and he's just looking for an argument wherever he can find one.

Will they ever all get their acts together at the same time? Probably. Will it happen while they're all still living at home? Probably not, but I'm hopeful. Will my hair be completely grey before Jacob leaves for college? Hopefully not, but probably.

Dating After A Decade- Part 2

We had planned to walk a nature trail at a park near his neighborhood after church, which sounded good because the park was only a couple miles down from Papa and Grandma's where my kids would be staying for a couple hours. My mom was excited to meet my friend (10 years is a long time for a mom to wait for her daughter who is over 30 to date), my dad wasn't as excited...lol. My friend was a gentleman and opened the car door for me and helped me into his car and we were on our way.

My friend had walked the trail before and unbeknown to me had a plan set in place for how our date would go. I on the other hand had no expectation other than to see where the day took me. The trail was rather busy with bikers, roller bladders, and families walking, enjoying the wonderful weather we had that day. I love walking and could easily walk for hours without needing a break, especially while walking and talking to a friend. So when he asked after just five minutes if I'd like to sit down for a bit it threw me. I said I was fine to keep walking but if he needed to sit then we could. I was mentally preparing myself for a walk with frequent breaks and trying to figure out what time I'd be back to pick up my kids, when he found a bench at the first bend in the path. Sitting on the bench with the sound of a small river behind us and a slight breeze blowing. I realized "this was a planned checkpoint". My friend is a very quiet person, so him sitting without saying anything for an extended period of time didn't send up any flags for me. After a couple minutes of people watching he made his move. I had a feeling it was coming, but still was not prepared for it. He went in for a very awkward teenage kiss that I was not prepared for and was not expecting. I tried to gracefully duck away and gave him a hug. Not wanting to hurt his feeling I blamed my avoidance on the fact that there were young children coming around the bend, and I could hear them. I don't like taking my kids places and having them seeing people locking lips, and wouldn't want to put other people in that position. I suggested we could maybe continue our walk.

The picture for Joey :)

We made it to what must have been "check point 2" where he suggested another break to sit on a giant tree that was laying on it's side near the river. There were less people traveling this route, so he made his move again. Again, I ducked away to get a picture ("for Joey") of a tree that ash tree bugs had left their paths on.  I wasn't sure why I kept dodging his show of affection, but thought it could be that I felt he would bail on our relationship that day with his deal breakers. His deal breakers were always in the back of my mind. I voiced my concerns. I was given a quick reply that he wasn't going to bail. It sounded like a hollow promise to me though; a knee jerk reply.

I had on hiking boots and walking on the paved path in them which was hurting my ankles, so I detoured us to a mountain bike path. I must have upset his planned route for check points, because he was a bit worried about which direction the paved path was going. I kind of took over the direction of our walk and the path I had us on didn't look to have anywhere we would be taking another break at. My friend was a determined man and stopped our progress when we came to a bit of a valley with blooms in the nearby trees. He went in for another kiss, I stepped back a bit to put some space between us. I realized that it wasn't just the fear that he'd bail, I just wasn't feeling the "spark". I had been good during our walk and had not smoked at all, but I was dying for a cigarette now. I hate to admit it, but I hoped my cigarette breath would keep any more advances away. I forgot to mention that during the whole 2.5 hours we were walking there was very little conversation happening between us. I attempted many times but was unable to uphold both sides of the conversation. Did I mention my friend is very quiet. I'm not saying he didn't talk at all, just that all topics kind of fizzled out quickly and left just silence in it's place.

By this point I had given up on talking and moved to walking in front of him, having him follow me back to the main path, then to the car. I just wanted to go home and see my kiddos. This time I didn't wait for him to open the door for me. We rode back to my parents with less than 10 words spoke between us. He noticed my silence and commented on it, I said he must be rubbing off on me. I was lost inside my own head trying to figure out how our "official date" had been so unlike our "family dates". Plus trying to figure out how to tell him were should stick with being friends.

Back at my parents I had expected him to head home to spend time with his kids who had been away for a week on vacation with their mother. Instead he hung around for a bit, he's kids had apparently already gone back to their moms. My friend sat outside chatting with my dad and Jordan. My mom pulled out extras for dinner as she had not expected my boys and I to be there so late. My friend joined all of us for dinner. Then being a complete computer whiz worked on speeding up my parents computer. I walked him to his car around 7 that night. Being the thoughtful guy he is he gave me some movies he had borrowed from the library he thought my boys might enjoy. (The movies were sequels to the one we had watched the last time we "broke up")

That evening after getting home I touched base with a couple of my friends who had been itching to know how things went. While messaging one of my friends from out of state I received a message from him thanking me for the lovely day we spent together. I closed out my chat with my friend so I could focus on what I needed to say to him. He inquired what I had been telling my friend about our date. I have never really filtered what I say to him through text and told him pretty much the same thing I had told my friend. I did try to be nice about it, but I think I still hurt his feelings.

We went back to attempting to be "just friends" but when I tried to message him as a friend twice that following week he dismissed me. I hate that my feelings of him bailing on me were correct. I have talked (text-ed) to him only once since our "date", when he thought I was avoiding him the following Sunday at church. (I hadn't been, I was running late for service, then had to rush out after service to meet with friends for lunch) I've seen him at church and we are in the same small group through church, but we have not shared a single word. It's kind of like if he doesn't acknowledge I'm there, then the "perfect date" never happened.

I give him much credit for all the thought and planning he put into the date. He truly is a wonderful guy and I hope he finds someone to share his affections with, that person just isn't me though.

Dating After A Decade - Part 1

I have been struggling about how to write this post. At the end of our date, we had different views of how things went. I see the whole thing as humorous as when I went to the singles New Year's Eve event, but at the same time want to be respectful of the guy who took me out.

Let me give you a little background on how this whole "date" came to be. A friend of a friend had started a singles group on Facebook. It's not a  page in which you'd be looking for a potential partner, it's more of support page for singles. Most of the people on the page have been divorced, so it's kind of a place to chat with people who can relate to what you are going through. A friend of mine invited me to the page even though I have never been divorced (never been married either), when the page first started up. Through that page I started chatting with a guy who was struggling through issues I had dealt with in the past. I thought I could just be there as a sounding board for him. The more we messaged back and forth the more we learned we have similar interests. We attend the same church and arranged to meet up, after all when you're going through some tough things you can use all the friends you can get. Shortly after meeting we started chatting for hours every night, sat together during service and starting going places on the weekends he had his kids. Apparently, we were the only ones who saw this as two families hanging out as friends, and soon decided that the masses were corrected that we were actually dating.

Once coming to that conclusion after a pleasant evening of sitting at my house watching a movie with our kiddos, he dropped his "deal breakers" on me. While most of them I agreed with and respected like not wanting to date a smoker (I'm still working on quitting, so he allowed that one to slide). He had this one that there was no way I could abide by, not only could the lady he was dating not drink but neither could her family members. I would not consider myself as drinker. I am known to have a glass a wine in the evening while reading or watching a movie, but that's like 1-2 glasses every 3 months. Also in the rare occasions my friends and I can get  night away from our kiddos for a girl's night I'll have a drink or two; but a girl's night only happens once a year at the most. Anyways, there is no way I could have all my extended family refrain from consuming any alcohol when my friend and his children were around, especially if he was planning on sticking around for years. Nor would I want to, I love my family for who they are, not for what they do. Personally, it doesn't bother me if people drink, even around my boys, unless they're getting to the point of falling over drunk. I see it as a teachable moment, that moderation is key and to know your limits.

So he decided that we'd be better off remaining as "just friends". I was crushed. Here I had just learned that I had been dating a guy for almost 2 months without really realizing it. (I've been away from the whole "dating scene" for quite some time, so I was a bit slow realizing this fact). Now he dumps be because of something I have no control over.

He felt bad for breaking my heart and we continued to chat most nights, working on figuring out how to be "friends". It didn't take long before we were confronted with there could be something more between us and we should give dating another shot. His deal breaker still stood but we'd try to figure a way to address it that would suit both of us. We decided that we'd go out just the two of us. Usually we did kind of a "family date" where my kids were with us or both of our kids were with us. Also he and I needed to spend more face time together besides when we were in church, 95% of our conversations were through text.

 While we have many of the same interests, we are polar opposites. I can be quite loud and outgoing and am very talkative. I'm always on the go and enjoy being part of things. He is so very quiet. He's more of an observer than a participant. I thought maybe we'd balance each other out; play off the other ones strengths. He's not really "my type", but he is what "my type" should be more like. He had also confirmed that I'm not his typical type either.

Want to know what happened on the actual date? There is a part two to this post :)

2015 Resolutions March Progress

March was not a productive month for us at all!! Other than the boys working on their goals nothing from our list was accomplished. Jacob is doing much better with his volume control, although he still has some room for improvement. Joey has been all over the place, his behavior seemed to vary day to day, only one major outburst over a homework assignment. Jordan mouth is still always running, but at least it seems like he's realizing that sometimes less is more.

Now to all I haven't done this past month. Still no couponing going on, I may just scratch this from my person list. The TV is still hooked up to the cable. Still working on getting a weekly menu going again so I can schedule in "from scratch" meals, so that one didn't get done either. My scrapbooks finally found their way back into the dark corner of my closet. I've been up way to late chatting with friends or stressing over issues pertaining to friends. So with the lack of sleep there was no way I was going to even think about cutting down my coffee intake :). Morning workouts haven't happened, however I have been getting some walking in most days, at least a mile each walk. My relationship with God hit a couple bumps this month, but is back on track now. I'm looking forward to another growth group starting up in April.

There has been very little reading going on. Jordan has been the only one of us who sat still long enough to read, he added another 2 books to his total.

That's it for our update. Not very impressive, we need to really step it up around here.

A Night to Reconnect

I know when my kiddos are being so rotten that I just want to get some space from them, is when they need me to draw closer to them. Such has been the case with Jordan and I lately. These teenage years are no joke. I had foolishly thought things would be smoother sailing because I had boys. If raising teenage boys is this trying, I'm even more grateful now that I never had any daughters :)

So Jordan has been exhibiting all his teenage glory, moodiness, failing grades, just all around bad attitude; What's a mom to do. My solution was to take him to a concert, he's 14 and never been to any concerts. A friend had posted about a christian band that would be preforming not too far from our home. Once I got over the idea of I'm not rewarding bad behavior, I'm reconnecting with child who is craving more attention, I ordered our tickets. They weren't the best of seats; the furthest section from the stage and second to the last row. Jordan was fine with the seats, because this was something that we were doing just the two of us, no brothers allowed.

See that little hand next to the 3? That's Jordan in our seats :)

The View from our ticketed seats

The day of the concert we packed up the younger two who were going to spend the night with our friends from Growing into Me. Once the little guys were happily on their way to a fun filled night, Jordan was allowed to plan the rest of our night. Instead of going out to a restaurant for dinner, Jordan opted for extra electronic time and grabbing fast food on our way to the concert (YUCK! The things I do for my kiddos...lol). Once at the arena, which was a tiny place, we easily found our seats even though it was a sold out show. A friend of mine was volunteering as staff for the event, so we spent some time with him showing us around. Finally the music starts and we head back to our seats. The first act was just this guy and his guitar on the stage, Jordan wasn't too impressed :) The second act was a christian group that is known to others but was new to us, their music was a bit more lively. I had forgotten until the second act started just how LOUDLY Jordan claps. I had to bite my tongue to refrain from commenting on just how annoying I found his clapping. I'm glad that I did, I was having a great time watching him clap and dance in front of our chairs. By the third group Jordan had his hands raised in worship and the biggest smile on his face. I sure have missed seeing that smile!!!

John Tibbs

Audio Adrenaline

Finding Favor

During the intermission we walked around for a bit, until my friend asked if we'd like to move to seats closer to the stage. So we ended up stage side for the final act, the one we wanted to see. Jordan had an absolute blast!! He was singing along with just about every song and was very grateful for the better seats. (A quick shout out to my friend for being so awesome and helping to make the evening even better for Jordan)

Newsboys from our stage side seats

LOOK AT THAT SMILE!!

Newsboys

We were surprised to our car being snow covered when we came out of the concert. Figuring that we wouldn't be getting out of our parking spot any time soon, we sat in the truck for a bit looking through the pictures and videos we took. Then because it was still Jordan's night, we stopped for sundaes and french fries on our way home. Once home we stayed up into the wee hours of the morning looking up songs for the new to us bands and danced, sung along, and laughed until exhaustion won out.



I'm so glad Jordan and I had the evening to reconnect. He wasn't a "big bad, having to impress everyone else" teenager, he was my happy go-lucky Jordan for a bit. While it only lasted until his brothers came home, I hope now that he have found his "happy self" that we'll all get to see more of it.

A Very Educational Field Trip

Yesterday, I finally was able to help out with Joey's class. There was a field trip to a hands-on science center, the historical museum, and the state capital all scheduled back-to-back. I was torn if I should go on the field trip or not; I love being there with my boys watching them learn new things and connecting what they've learned with things they see at the museums, but I'm trying to step back and allow them some independence. With all the problems Joey has had with his teacher this year I figured it might be easier on Joey if I was there as a buffer. Plus Joey really wanted me to go as this was their first field trip. I arranged for Papa to stay the night so he could get up early and get Jacob off to school, and he also needed to collect Jordan and Jacob from school as our bus was not due back to the school until 5pm.

With Papa staying the night there wasn't much sleep happening the night before. There was some hurt feeling about who's room Papa slept in and everyone woke up way too early just knowing Papa was in the house. Joey and I needed to be at the school and hour early so we dropped Jordan off at school on our way (per his regular drop off time).

Once in the class I was assigned my group that include to high energy boys besides Joey. (I don't know why I always get all the "high energy" kids, guess the teacher figure I'd know how to handle them.) One of my group was home sick that day, which left me with Joey and a boy I knew from when Joey was in cub scouts. I had been expecting one of the school bus style buses, but instead we had a nice cozy travel bus. Shortly after we left the school, we're talking 15-20 minutes, a lovely Michigan style icy/snowy/rainy mix fell full force from the skies. Thankfully the teachers had been prepared for our2+ hour travel time and had movies they played on the bus. The movies didn't help much as 60 kids per bus were excited about the field trip and were noisily chatting amongst themselves. Also there was the added joy of retractable footrests on the back of every chair. These footrests became quiet the headache for the parents on the bus as the kids being 10/11 years old were unable to adjust the footrest only once. They spent the entire ride to in from the capital readjusting the footrests that made the noise of crinkling plastic every time they were moved. After 2 hours on the bus, the teacher in charge of our bus informed us that due to the weather we would not be stopping at the hands-on science center as we still had another hour drive to get there. A lot of the kids were disappointed, honestly so was I. It was a center I had planned taking my boys too and want to get a feel for the place.

Finally we reach our detestation just in time for our 11:30 lunch break. After getting all 100+ kids fed and through the gift shop at the Historical museum, we started our tour. Only we lost our tour guide once we got off the elevator. Supposedly there was suppose to be someone to meet us on the second floor, after waiting a few minutes the teachers gathered their class as lead their own tours.

During our field trip, I quickly was able to see how Joey's classmates intact with him and I wasn't too happy about it. Just about every child hovers around him telling him what not to do. Don't touch that. Stop making noise. You can't stand there. I actually got to the point with one little girl that I asked her if she was his mother, when she answered no, I informed her that I was and would handle Joey. They just didn't let up on the poor kid. He didn't have to even be doing anything wrong and they were correcting him. At almost the end of our time at the Historical museum Joey was on sensory overload and I walked him away from the group so he could regroup. No sooner we turned the corner and 30 kids were squawking that "Joey went up the stairs!" His teacher had even called me to reassure that I was with him. I had the other child in my "group" within my sights the whole time I had Joey away from the group. While the historical museum is a really neat place, there wasn't much the kids were allowed to manipulate and got a bit boring to most of them. (still better than sitting in class all day though).

Once we had seen all there was to see at the museum we were bussed over to our Capital building. Again the kids were not allowed to touch anything and they were all getting restless and having a hard time keeping their hands still. Our time at the Capital passed rather quickly. The guide we had was very good and shared a lot of information, not that I think the kids retained much of it.

Then it was time to get back on the bus to watch movies and crinkle the footrests for another few hours. Over all we spent more time on the buses than we did at the places we were to visit. A total of 6 hours on the bus and 4 hours walking around. We finally reached the school at 6 pm, where the parents found their vehicles encased Michigan's wonderful wintery mix. It was a very long day, but I had been very educational. I learned just as much about our state as I did about why Joey complains so much about disliking school.

While it really bothered me to see how the other students treated Joey, I was so glad I was there as a buffer and to get a better understanding of his feeling towards his classmates and teacher.

Progress No Matter How Small Is Still Progress!

We are only 3 weeks into the school year and already there has been some bumps, but there has also been some progress. I was really worried about Joey going to school without any medications to help him control his ADHD. He had a great day the first few days and I started to feel more comfortable that between his teacher and I we'd find a way to "deal" with Joey's issues until he could be placed back on medicine. That comfort was squashed the week of his intake appointment with the Neuro-psycholigist when he teacher suggested that Joey be placed back on medication until his evaluation. She wasn't sure how she was going to deal with him otherwise, she'd be bald by the end of the week from pulling her hair out just trying to get him to sit and focus on his assignments. Joey wasn't staying at his desk, was very talkative, and mostly plain refused to do majority of his assignments. Everyday we were getting 5-8 assignments sent home to be completed because he just wouldn't do them in class. In less than a week Joey went from thinking he had one of the coolest teacher to thinking that she hated him.

When we went to the intake appointment and the doctor said to keep Joey off the medications at least until after the evaluation, then we could revisit  the need for medication. I asked her what was I suppose to tell his teacher and school psychologist that were pushing for something to help him with his ADHD. Her answer was, to explain that we were trying to get the most accurate evaluation so there would be no medications until after the evaluation. They would have to do the best they could with Joey until we knew more about what was going on with him. Basically she was saying tell them- he's not going back on the meds. Deal with it! (which I totally agree with.)

The down side of having the teacher "deal with" Joey is that his self-esteem really takes a hit. I get that teachers are suppose to treat all the kids equally and that they try, but it doesn't always happen. It's much harder to keep your cool with the kid whom you have to keep redirecting than the ones who follow directions the first time. That when a kid digs in his heel and refuses to any part of his assignment and sits staring at the wall for the 20 minutes instead frustrates the adult in charge. "Dealing with" Joey makes class miserable for all involved, the teacher is frustrated with Joey's lack of cooperation. Joey feels that the teacher is picking on him because she keeps insisting he do the assignment. The rest of the class get distracted by the battle of wills between the teacher and Joey.

Now, I'm not blaming the teacher for not wanting to deal with (or not knowing how to reach) an un-medicated ADHD child; over the summer I was at my wits end more than a few times. I don't know how much experience the teacher has teaching a kid like Joey. I've known Joey his entire life and sometimes I'm at a loss for what to try. What works one day doesn't mean that it will work the next.

I'm a strong believer in the partnership between parent and teacher. I check in with Joey's teacher daily. At first, it looked like I was going to have to gear up to battle for my child. The teacher decided that she wouldn't keep after Joey to get his assignments done and would allow him to either sit and do nothing the whole day or send him down to office until he could better control his behavior. While I feel that if he is feeling overwhelmed that he should be allowed to leave the room and calm down, but he was spending 45 minutes at a time a couple days a week just chilling in the office. Joey is the type of kid that a lot of things are a fine line, sometimes he does just need a break but he'll also take advantage of the chance to just get out of class if he feels its boring. For about a week he'd do minimal schoolwork in class and sat and visited the the school psychologist and secretaries in the office just about every day. Then came home and did all his schoolwork that was suppose to have been done that day. I started feeling like the teacher was just dismissing Joey because he required more time and energy. Every night he'd sit at the table and complete his assignments while I made dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. The whole stack of assignments would be done in less than 45 minutes! I started questioning why he could do the work at home without complaint (or assistance) but could get nothing accomplished in class. Turns out that if Joey didn't think he could finish the whole assignment within the allotted time, he wouldn't bother starting it; at home he was allowed to take all the time he needed. Joey sees a page with 20 math problems and 15 minutes to do them, as less than a minute per problem therefor not enough time to do them all; when in reality he could finish in 10 minutes. Now Joey is getting as much done on each assignment as he can and finishing the remaining couple problems as homework.

Last week Joey has made more progress, granted I had to go hunt down the resources. I started touching base with the school psychologist and resource teacher, just to introduce myself and inform them that we will probably be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months. The resource teacher, we'll call her "Ms. W" suggested that seems Joey likes to move around so much and wander the room and wiggle in his chair that an inflated bubble cushion might help. Joey is allowed to wiggle on the cushion on his chair (as long as he doesn't bounce). She also thought that adding stripes of Velcro on the underside of his desk top that he can run his finger across might be helpful to him. Both of her suggestions have been working well for Joey. Seems he can still move while on the cushion, he is walking around the room less.

Yesterday, I met another resource teacher that apparently Joey has been spending some time in her classroom recently. The boys school is working on MAP testing and the resource teacher happen to be talking with Joey's teacher when she noticed his lack of focus during his test. He has been completing his test in her room, she quickly realized that Joey would more successful taking the test with five other students present than sitting in the class of 30+ and trying to focus. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but it takes very little to distract Joey. Joey has also been granted permission a few times to take his assignments into the resource teacher's room to have the extended time to finish them.

Also, yesterday I turned in my request for the school to evaluate Joey for any learning disabilities even though we are are still pursuing the medical evaluation. I also requested that I be granted an advocate for IEP's as I'm not real sure what help is available for him. We still do not have an IEP in place even though we are starting to figure out which accommodations work for Joey. The teachers I have talked to seem to agree that accommodations will be needed. His teacher has agreed to allow Joey to use an AlphaSmart for writing assignments, but has yet to actually let him use it.

I'm not really feeling that his teacher and I are on the same page. While she is going along with the accommodations once one of the resource teacher brings them in the class, she does not seem happy about it. When I talk to her (daily) I get the impressions that she thinks I'm looking for "special treatment" for Joey, which is not the case. I'm just trying to figure out what works best for him so she is not struggling with him all day. I'm hoping she realizes that we are on the same side. I'm trying to lessen her work, not make extra for her.

Joey is still bringing homework home everyday, but it's only a couple of questions per sheet and not near as many sheets. Homework isn't a battle and is completed in less than a half hour (compared to the hours it took the first couple weeks). All writing assignments he types on the computer and we attach it to the worksheet to turn in. While he is doing much better, he still has some issues to work on. BUT...he is making progress (however small) while not on any medications!!!!

* I am not against putting any of my children on medication if there is a real need for it. I want to try other non-medical options before returning to medication.

Going Back To Basics

I have often joked with friends about the joys of having a teenager and all their mood swings and attitude that comes with it. I foolishly thought that would never happen with my child. We have a great relationship. We have an open and honest lines of communication. Jordan has always gone along with whatever goofy plan or project we were doing. I've always treated him with respect and avoided talking down to him. Jordan has a good head on his shoulders and has always been goal orientated. He keeps good grades at school and has been planning the steps he needs to follow to get into the college of his choice and to follow his dreams to become a computer programmer.

Literally since his 13th birthday he has been making gradual changes to fit the typical teen mold. At first the attitude showed up in full force. He and I had a chat about how just because we hear about the dreaded "teenage attitude" didn't mean he needed jump right on the band wagon. Soon his attitude cooled and I had my reasonable child again. Recently his attitude is back, this time he's not doing it for show. The rebellion is there too. Thankfully it's not nearly as bad as it could be. Really, refusing to brush his teeth isn't going to hurt me any. (Why is that one of the main things for teens to do? They all seem to feel having gunky teeth and funky breath is acceptable. Yuck!). It broke my heart during our last bucket list when Jordan started opting out of our activities. We try to plan activities that all of us will enjoy and some of the ones Jordan opted out of are things he enjoys doing, like family game day. I had excepted most of these things and accept that they won't last forever. He's attitude towards his younger brothers has been less than kind. He stopped accepting responsibility for his property and his actions. I needed him to understand just how not okay this was.

When his behavior in class started to go south along with his grades.  Assignments weren't getting done or turned in. Homework almost never came home. He picked up the habit of taking things just because he wanted them. Nothing major just swiping things that belonged to other family members. Then there was the hiding of and lying about taking the objects because he knew it was wrong. He has tested out using "little lies" over little things. I understand that middle school age is when kids start messing up. I remember all the trouble I caused when I was younger. While its part of growing up and figuring out who you are. I want to keep Jordan from doing things he may regret when he gets older (like dropping his GPA drastically), or tarnishing his relationships with his brothers.

I have tried informal talks about his behavior, then formal "sit down we need to talk" talks, taking away privileges and haven't seen much change. I figured I needed to try something more drastic to make sure he gets the message he's going astray. I didn't want him feeling like there's always the threat of losing something; that good choices equals more privileges. I was informed that Jordan is the only 13 year old in America who does NOT have a cell phone; I know I'm a heartless mom :p

I thought maybe the lines have become fuzzy about what was expected of him. We have a list of house rules that have been in place and posted for years, it seems they're more like just part of the decor now. I sat down and wrote out a contract for all 3 boys, outlining exactly what was expected of them and the consequences for not upholding the end.  So while he was in school I rid Jordan's room of everything except his bed, dresser, desk, and his books.  I went old school and setup "star charts". He has the opportunity to earn back all his stuff by maintaining his responsibilities. The younger boys still have their toys in their room because they have been doing well and losing a privilege is still working with them. I made contracts for all the boys so Jordan didn't feel singled out and they were a good reminder for the younger ones.

After school I sat down with each of them one-on-one and went over their contracts and chart.  They all signed that they agreed with the terms, some more readily than others. The general gist is maintain your responsibilities listed on your chart. If you skip 3 things you lose a privilege, if you have no privileges to lose than you have one week to complete either a book report or history report determined by mom (I try to get in education wherever I can). If you complete the week with no lost  privileges or reports you earn back a privilege (or an additional privilege if you had not lost anything). Taking things that don't belong to you (no matter how insignificant) and lying (even the little white ones) result in an automatic report.  I'm also not a fan of assigning chores, that everyone just helps out because we all live here, but each boys was assigned two chores a week, that will rotate every two weeks. The chores as been an added blessing, because I get a break from doing dishes for two weeks :)

The point of the "star chart" was to get them back in the habit of completing things that have slowly been slipping away. Example: Jordan had not been bring homework home so one of his responsibilities was to bring all school books/folders home everyday. That way he was sure to have the materials he needed to complete his assignments. After little over a week he was in the habit of stopping at his locker to gather his books. He now only has to bring just the materials needed home, unless he starts "forgetting" again.

I've had our contracts and charts in place for about a month, they seem to be helping. There has been a couple reports turned in to mom and privileges that had been regained and lost again. Sometimes while trying to help our children find their way, we have to go back to what had worked in the past. Jordan is working hard to get back on track so he doesn't have to do the little kids "star charts" (No, I don't actually put star stickers on Jordan's chart). 

Confession Of A Charging Rhino

I have not given a Orange Rhino update since December 26th, when I had raised my voice after the boys were giggly and antsy during midnight mass. I understand their goofiness was more likely due to it being so late (early?) and my own exhaustion, however I did lose my cool and allow my voice to be raised. I only mark down when I wasn't successful and with everything had was going on with the holidays I completely forgot to count how many days I had not yelled. Things have been going swimming that I would have not thought about my commitment to the Orange Rhino, but last Friday I yelled. (Boy, did I yell!) Before I get to why I flew off the handle let me tally up how many yell free days I already had under my belt. 23 days! That's a new record for me. For 23 days I did not yell, raise my voice or even talk through my teeth. I hadn't even been concentrating on not yelling.  Not until the day I totally blew it.

Jordan doesn't get to spend much time with friends during basketball season between practices, games, and homework. After Thursday's game (which was their first home court win, YAY!) he asked to go home with a friend, things were busy for that day. He made plans to spend some time with his buddy the next day after practice with the understanding he would complete any homework over the weekend. It ended up being trying to arrange how Jordan was to get to his friend's house, as the friend was not on the basketball team, and I wouldn't allow Jordan to walk alone after practice. Most of the plotting and planning was left up to the boys. Jordan was to finalize the plans with his friend and call me after school but before practice to let me know if I'd have to double back to drop him off at his friends. I planned on taking younger boys sledding as soon as  they got out of school, making homemade pizza and playing a couple board games or watch a movie of their choice. Spending some one-on two-time isn't as good as one-on-one time, but we take what we can get (one-on-one time as a single parent is harder to come by).

Being helpful but still leaving the responsibility up to Jordan I sent him a reminder text "call mom" when school let out (at 2:50). Giving him the benefit of doubt that he'll remember, I waited for him to call. I just wanted to know what the plan was so I would know if I could head straight to the snow hill with the other boys or to hang out to give him ride. Five minutes before practice (3:15) I called him, and I after a couple rings was sent to voice mail, I wasn't happy about it ,but understandably he could already be practicing. I figured just to play it safe the boys and I will hang out and wait for Jordan in case he does need a ride (4:00). Blessedly the other boys were being exceptionally well behaved. We had a half hour to wait before practice was over. For a while we entertained each other with how our days had gone so far and  all 3 of us singing horribly off key with the radio. I finally get a text from Jordan (at 4:25) "I think his mom's coming to pick me up". I text back that I'm already there and I'll just drive so she doesn't have to come back out in the snow. Then we wait. And wait. Other kids were now leaving practice and we're still waiting (4:45). Sensing that mom was going to lose it Jake and Joe contently played with action figures and cards without any arguing. I tried calling Jordan (4:50) and every time I got sent to voicemail after fewer and fewer rings, the more irritated I get. I tried texting him (5:00) No response. I drive around the school hoping to spot the other mom so I can get my two that are being angels to the hill. I didn't see her. Thankfully she wasn't there as I was feeling really bad that my kid was making her wait for over a half hour. Finally (5:10) I get a call from Jordan!! By now my nerves are fried, I informed him in a not very pleasant tone that I have been sitting there for over an hour waiting to find out if he had a ride. My goofy kid's response to that "Cool, I'll call (friend's name) and see if his mom will come get me." That's when I lost it! I screamed at him to get his behind outside right then. He must have finally figured out that I wasn't all too pleased with him, as he came out wearing his practice clothes and only carrying his gym bag (5:15). Believe it or not talking to his friend on the phone. I not so nicely inquired about his backpack and coat and he pushed me over the end by giving me "in a minute" hand gesture. I wasn't nice about informing him he had lost his phone and send him back into he school to get his coat and book bag. By then my blood is boiling. As he returns and hands over his lifeline to his friends, the phone beeps. His friends responding message to him "just walk to my house". He is granted 30 seconds to call and let the friend know he wouldn't be coming over and the plans for the following weekend to stay the night over there are canceled. I was fuming and along with the taking away the phone I went for where it really hurt and he lost electronics until further notice.

Bless the younger two who sat very still and quiet during my exchange with Jordan, and who managed to play nicely for the 45 minutes we had to wait for Jordan, never once asking when we were going to the hill. Although I was beyond upset with Jordan, I was extremely proud of the younger two. We all proceeded to the snow hill down the street, I was not going to let Jordan's mess up, take away from what I had promised the other boys. The whole ride there Jordan tried convincing me of how unreasonable I was for requesting to know what his plan were, even blaming "no signal" for not calling (but had no explanation for how the "signal" worked for his friend to call him). I did what had been my habit and lectured (loudly) the whole way there.

Once at the hill, Jordan hops out with the rest of us and grabs a sled. I was still too upset with him to let the whole thing go. Jordan was granted the opportunity to sit in the van (wrapped in blankets) for a half hour so he could better understand how the rest of us had felt, when we were eager to go sledding. The younger boys and I took to the hill which we had mostly to ourselves. I made sure I could keep an eye on Jordan and the van the whole time. While the boys raced down the hill, I was able to distress before Jordan joined us. After exactly 30 minutes Jordan got out of the van and was walking towards us with his snow clothes on and a snowboard in hand. I apologized to him (and the other boys) for yelling, after a bit he then apologized for not calling and we let the subject drop. We had races down the hill seeing which pairing off sent us down the hill the fastest.

We actually had a fairly decent evening after that. We ended up grabbing a pizza (as it was too late to start cooking dinner) and picnicked on my bed while watching old HVS home movies.

While most of my blow up was internal, I did lash out with my words at Jordan. I had raised my voice and I had tried to make him feel just how upset he made me. That's not how I want to raise my boys. People make mistakes and people upset you, but that does give them (or you) the right to lay into them. I knew there were better ways to handle the situation, but at the time I was too irritated to look for them. While I had yelled, I can see the progress I have made. I was able to let go the frustration and disappointment in myself for yelling and move on. In the past I would have held on to the anger both with myself and with Jordan. I would have continued to lecture Jordan every time he reached the top of hill making it a very unpleasant event for both of us. Or I would have just taken everyone home, even though the other two had one nothing wrong, made soup or cereal for dinner and hole myself up in my room.

By letting go my anger of "just how irresponsible my 13can be" and seeing it for what it was, my teenager was only thinking about himself and his wants, typical teenager behavior. I know in my heart he didn't do it to be disrespectful, even if it had felt that way at the time. My not dwelling on how "I had destroyed my kids, by yelling", we were able to salvage the night.

I know  I'm not the only parent who has lost their temper with a teenager over something in hindsight doesn't seem like it called for the tongue lashing they got. This is by far not one of my proudest parenting moments, but as you can see we are all still learning and growing, myself as much so as my boys.

I'm back on "The Orange Rhino Wagon" yesterday was day 5 of yelling less, loving more.

Let It Snow!!

Sunday night which means another late post because we spent the day visiting with Grandma and Papa. Followed by our last dash to get everything ready for Monday morning and school. With lunches and snacks packed, dress clothes pressed for Jordan's game and double checking that all folders and forms have been signed; I finally get to take a breath and reflect on our day. Realizing that in my hurry to get us home so we weren't rushing about, that I had left my purse (with Jacob's book report in it) at Grandma's, and still ended up rushing everyone off to bed.

No mass today, Saturday service seems to work better for us. So we enjoyed a slow start to our day not heading down to tackle the laundry until after lunch. I love spending time at my parents house and using their fenced in yard. I know I can send the boys out back to play and not have to worry about what other people may approach them. Before the boys could jump in all the snow that had fallen the past two day we had some running around to do. Joey snapped one of the buckles on his snow pants yesterday while taking them off, and Jordan had borrowed a pair of Joey's. After a quick run to the thrift store Jordan now has to pairs of snow pants (without the little kid shoulder straps) and Joey got a pair as well to use as a spare. The best find was a pair of pink snow pants that fit ME!! I haven't owned snow pants since I was Jordan's age or younger. My thinking was if I wasn't so cold every time we went out to play in the snow, the kids could stay longer.

With everyone having appropriate snow attire we went out to play. Well actually I went out and shoveled and the boys played. I did however make a few snow angels with Joey knowing my jeans weren't going to get wet. The snow was still to fluffy to make a fort or decent snow ball, so the piled up snow that would later need for their fort. Jordan had started another bonfire, because well because Papa said he could. I believe the boys did stand by it for small bits of time to warm up a little. Being so toasty warm in my new snow pants we were outside for 3 hours. That's the longest stretch of time we've had since middle of November, bringing our year to date total of outside hours to 141.

The boys had hoped to visit a nearby snow hill either yesterday or today. We could have gone yesterday, but I had gotten confused and thought Jordan had catechism this week. Then today we were at the grandparents. There are a few hills not far from them, but I had too much laundry to tend to that we just didn't have enough time this weekend.

On a side note, I have discovered why every other week it seems like we have double our normal laundry. I have one sweet teenager who likes to hoard his dirty laundry in his room until he has absolutely nothing else to wear. Not sure why that is, as he passes the laundry basket every time he enters or exits his room; the teenage mind, I just don't understand it sometimes.

My Orange Rhino update: There has been some really good day, some close calls, and some days I lost control of my mouth. I did reach and pass my last set goal of 5 days before I ended up having to start over. I'm still working on it, I'm back at 3 days without raising my voice at my children. The freezer has taken the brunt of my not so nice tones, so my words were not directed towards the boys. I have been working on while the holidays may be stressing me out, the kids are excited and not to take away from their joy of a wonderful season. The snow will be an added blessing not only to get them outside playing, but also to burn off some of their energy (and mine) which helps me not feel the need to raise my voice.

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Over Crazed about Christmas

Sorry there has been no post, things have been crazy busy around here. I am realizing that I try to cram too much into every holiday. Now that my boys are getting older and busier it is harder to get all the fun holiday themed activities in before the actual holiday. While they are in school I have the time to sit and plan things for us to do because I feel like I have all the time in the world. Once 3 o'clock rolls around there is very limited time to do all the fun things I had planned. While I usually have 2 kids with down time while the other one participates in their activity, I'm holding out hope to complete all my ideas as a family.

With that said Christmas Around the World is getting pushed back to our Christmas break, so we will be able to enjoy the activities more and not feel so rushed. Pushing Christmas Around the World back will allow time for our Christmas traditions and some Christmas shopping. We'll still be following Advent Adventures daily and reading our 22 Books for Christmas (and A Christmas Carol). This weekend I'm making a point to finally complete our last bucket list item and make bake apples.

There is less than 2 weeks before Christmas and my boys still haven't made their wish lists. Not watching TV tends to make it harder for them to rattle off a list of things they want, they just don't know what new toys are out there. Soon we'll be heading to the store with a pencil and paper to create their lists. A couple years back I started doing thins with the boys and they love it. We walk up and down the aisles and they bring me the items they want and I write them down (as well as the price). This has helped eliminate some of the toys they think they want, but turn out not being what they thought. Playing with a toy in the store you can see if it as cool as the box claims (or if it looks like it would break easily). We'll be doing this this weekend because it tends to take a couple hours to check out all the toys.

Next week we'll  be cooking cookies, making gingerbread men, and gingerbread houses, and possible trying to make some fudge. Oh, I guess we better add Christmas shopping seems the boys haven't done any at all so far. There will be a couple crafts tossed in throughout the week as time allows.

I'm still working on not putting so much stress on myself to have the "perfect holidays". I make all these plans then have to back track and start crossing things off or bumping them to another time. I have to learn, I don't have to do it all for it to leave lasting memoires for my boys. It's a working progress, I'm getting better at noticing when I have given myself too much to accomplish.

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Back to Brown Bagging Lunches

As you can see from the multiple pictures I share of my boys, none of them are by any means fat. Those who know me personally know I often worry that they are too thin. However since the beginning of the school all 3 have been packing on the pounds. For my older two this is great (Jordan was almost 13 before he finally reached 100 lbs.) but I don't think they are gaining weight in a positive way. My Jacob has recently had to switch over to husky for his pants sizes. I know part of his gain is from his CVS. He is also a lot like me and craves sodium rich foods. They aren't big eaters and have (mostly) healthy snacks. I think the culprit is their school lunches. I have noticed most of their classmates are also on the "huskier side".

I know Michele Obama has set in place for healthier school lunches, but are they really that healthy. I do love that the junk foods are not in the vending machines and that students can no longer buy pop during school hours. What is really in our kids' lunches. The fruit they get comes out of huge cans, it's not fresh fruit and it's overly processed. Same with the cooked veggies; out of the can, warmed up , and handed out. Having worked as a lunch lady I can reassure you your child is not eating the cooked veggies they are served. The number of times pizza is served amazes me, for my younger guys the 3 weeks of school this month there'll be pizza 4 times; Jordan has the option to have pizza everyday for lunch. Looking at their menu, it's high starch, loaded with sugars and dyes. Three days this month the hot lunchers get an "extra" treat of a cookie or a bag of chips (I have seen last June's menu where they received cotton candy). The "extra treats" are not on days kids most likely would pass on the lunch; they're on pizza day, chocolate chip Eggo waffle day, and Chef Boyardee ravioli day.

Our elementary school does have alternatives, the students can get yogurt or salad as their main dish. Jacob has done this a few times when the main dish was something he couldn't eat. I like that there is an option. The salads vary day to day, chicken, taco, turkey, etc. but who want to eat salad everyday (I've tried it, it gets old fast). My boys don't like that everything is mixed together, on taco salad day Jacob can't get it unless he want to risk eating the cheese. The yogurt sound like a good option except its a 4 ounce sized Danimal yogurt; that's it, their main part of lunch is basically sugar.

Point being; while hot lunch is a great option for some, it does not work for us. After really looking at the menu and looking at what my kids are really eating, no wonder it is effecting their weight. No wonder all these kid seem like they are bouncing off the walls; they consume so much junk then crash, with the crash comes the moodiness and not wanting to do their work.

We have opted for brown bagging it everyday again. My boys LOVE pizza so once or twice a month they'll grab a pizza lunch from school. This way I know what they are eating and that they will have things in their lunch that they will actually eat. When they have "fresh" fruit/veggies it will be fresh from the produce department, not a can. Also they will get a larger variety of food, the hot lunch menu consist of rotating pizza (and Bosco sticks) , waffles and variations chicken (chicken rings, chicken nuggets, chicken tenders, popcorn chicken, southern chicken) with the occasional hot dog or corn dog tossed in there once or twice.

I am not one of those all organic only eat healthy foods kind of mom, although I try most of the time.
I try to teach to boys to be aware of what they put in their bodies. Not that I want them counting calories or anything like that. Just to understand which food help their bodies work more efficiently and what will bog them down. We read labels, try to keep things in moderation, and try to keep active after some "not so good for you foods". We eat food that's not good for our bodies, Heck we've even had pizza twice in one week due to crazy schedules. I love cookies and sweets (as do the boys), and don't deprive us of them. I think the key to teach balance between which fatty unhealthy foods you eat, how much, and how often.

*While the younger ones are taking lunches everyday, Jordan has chose to continue getting hot lunches. I have to trust that he's making the right choices, I can't always be there to tell him to take carrot sticks instead of two cookies.

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What We Have Going On

There seems to always be more than one thing going on in my house. I don't know if I should chalk it up to everyone's ADD or if we are just really good at multitasking. I think part of why my boys have a difficult time focusing on just one thing at a time is a learned behavior. I rarely do just one thing at a time. If we are working on a craft I'll have something cooking or running to switch the laundry. I read multiple books at a time and have multiple crafts for myself going at once. Daily we have many places we need to be, usually back to back with other activities.

Currently I have a couple things I make to time to do for myself. I'm still working on cross stitching stocking for the boys, Jacob's it 3/4 of the way finished (the hope it I can get it done before Christmas). I learned a new to me crochet stitch and am working on making a couple throw blankets for the boys. I just finished crocheting a queen size blanket for my bed and soon will be fixing the "small hole" in Joey's. I also have 4 scrapbooks I'm trying to catch up (this will never happen with how many pictures I take). I'm reading a book a neighbor has lent me along with re-reading one of my favorites. Jordan and I have just started reading A Christmas Carol. I'm researching for our Christmas around the world. Then there is the everyday things like getting the boys to their activities and things around the house. Oops, and blogging (how did I forget that one?).

Jordan currently also has two books (The Red Pyramid by Rick Riordan & The Fire Eternal by Chris D'Lacey) going as well as the A Christmas Carol. Basketball practice or games five days a week. He also has his daily school assignments to maintain.

Joey is reading Beware the Ninja Weenies by David Lubar , The Holy Bible that he reads at his leasure and whichever book he chooses for his monthly accelerated reader through school. He is also working on a craft present for someone for Christmas, but may need to give it to them for their birthday instead (it's a slow and steady project). He has scout meeting once a week and the at home achievements to work on. Plus keep up with his school work. Then catechism once a week.

Jacob has the lightest load with scout meetings once a week as well as catechism. He's also reading multiple books, he has been working his way through The Wimpy Kid Dairies and the Magic Tree House series on top of a book of his choice for his weekly book reports.

As a family we are working towards finishing up our Fall Bucket list and planning our winter one. We are following Holy Heroes daily for Advent as well as our blue book from church. Working our way through our 22 books of Christmas. Within a week we will be working on our Christmas Around the World. Lastly attempting our 18-20 hours of outside time a week. Of course there is church every weekend also.

Thankfully we seem to do wonderfully with multitasking, I don't know how we would get everything done if we weren't. Even though we all have a lot on our plates there is always some down time to enjoy our own interests and family time together. I like that we are busy most of the time, it helps teach the importance of time management and organization to the boys (plus they love all their activities). We have also decided to easy up on our supplemental school work until after the new year.

Living Like an Orange Rhino

T'was the night before my son's first game. Every creature was scurrying about. All were trying to get tomorrows school clothes laid out. Every child should have been in bed; and Mama was trying to remember her Orange Rhino and not lose her head.

This night has the makings for a really bad bedtime story and I'm sure if I wasn't so frazzled I could finish the whole thing in rhyme. This is how our evening after 5 days of relaxing has been going. The whole 5 days has been great, until we left Grandma's house late. This weeks laundry stacks were larger than usual (How my boys had gone through more clothes lounging around than they do going to school all week is beyond me.) so not everything had time to be dried and we left later than I would have otherwise liked. Okay not sounding too bad yet, it happens and we've managed through it.

The younger two were to be getting ready for bed and preparing for school the next day while I unloaded the van. Jordan was to bring me his dress clothes so they could be pressed. I quickly ran the last load up to the dryer at our laundry room (were I was eyed by a skunk about 6 feet away from me), to return to the two younger ones laughing and chasing each other through the house half in pajamas (honest I was literally gone for 3 minutes) and the cat following me through the house meowing at me for who knows why. Jordan brings me a pair of dress pants that are a size too small with 4 dress shirts he claims barely reach his wrists and every brightly color tie he owns. I like to plan ahead and had him look early last week to make sure he had dress clothes that would fit; he confirmed that he did and he was all set for game day. Now he tells me this is all he has, mind you its 9:30 on a Sunday night. Being determined that I know he has clothes that fit after all I had just bought them a few months back. Hallelujah! There in the back of the closet is his dress slacks. Okay the shirts barely fit but aren't that short and will get him through the day (this kid grows like a weed). The ties on the other hand would not match any of the shirts by anyone stretched imagination, so off to his little brothers room to find a tie. We find a tie although he is not happy about it being "a little kid's tie" opposed to having to tie it yourself; but it matches and is long enough. That's one crisis averted; and I did not yell :)

Next I ask about his shorts that need to be red per the school colors that he has reassured me for the past couple weeks that he does in fact own a pair, so there was no need to go shopping. I asked for him to get them out and have them with his school things so he wouldn't forget them. He was not able to locate them in his drawer where he thought they would be and had suggested they may be in his gym locker at school. Now I have not seen any red shorts for any of my boys since the beginning of September. I inquired how they "may be" in his locker, doesn't he know. I asked if he worn them within the past few weeks, his reply "Um, NO". So why would they be in the locker if he has not taken them to school? "Um, I don't know. They're not in my drawer. I thought I had a pair" UGH!! So then it was back into his brother's room to go through the box of off season clothes and finally finding one single pair of red shorts that just reach his knees in with Joeys' summer clothes. Someone from up above sure is looking out for us tonight. Second crisis averted, and still I did not yell. Although I could feel it right there waiting to be released upon my disorganized child.

Next was to wrangle the now dressed for bed younger two boys. While my attention had been on Jordan they thought it was a great time to pick a game to spread out on the floor and start playing. While I cleaned up the game one was sent to brush his teeth while the other laid out his school clothes. As luck would have it, tonight the toothpaste was empty and instead of saying anything he just hung out in the bathroom styling his hair. Toothpaste tube replaced and now two little guys fighting over the sink at the same time. *Sigh* Everyone is finally dressed and brushed and lead into bed but wait...the child with the very stylish hair never laid out his clothes. I volunteered to pick his outfit, but he was not going to allow that after all I had told them they were responsible for picking their own clothes. After a couple really mismatched choices he came up with one that matched close enough that I would allow it for wear at school. Third crisis (although it was a mini one) averted, and still I did not yell.  I could feel the yell bubbling over ready to fly out of my mouth from my building frustration this evening, but I controlled it.

After minimal trips to the bathroom for needs that were "forgotten" before being tucked in, I am proud to say all were sound asleep and finally prepared for their days tomorrow. I headed over to the Orange Rhino Facebook page to toot my horn for keeping my cool when before I would have let my angry words fly without a second thought. TOOT! TOOT!

This morning we wake feeling like we can take on the day. Jordan finally makes his way to me 10 minutes before we are to leave the house and says I think these pants are too short too. Sure enough about 2 inches of his ankles are showing. He stays to watch his still slumbering little brothers and finish gathering together what he forgot to last night, as I run to the store down the street. A was very blessed that there was one single pair of kaki pants in his size. I race back so he can change and get him off to school late. Not exactly how I planned my too early on a Monday morning after a long weekend. That makes another crisis averted and I still have not yelled (although we definitely had a nice talk the whole way to school). Just to play it safe, I hunted down another couple pairs of red basketball shorts at the thrift store after taking the other two to school and will drop off a pair with him at school; the way things have been going the ones he took to school will end up being too short.

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