Tantrum Tuesaday!! 1/3 of My Children Always Seem To Be Backsliding

I sat down to write about our adventure at another new park for us, when I get a call from the school. So change of plans I'm going to hold off on that post, and do another Tantrum Tuesday instead.

Why is that I can never have all 3 of my boys acting right and making positive choices all at the same time? I'd settle for just one day of them all doing what they are suppose to! There is always one, and sometimes two, that seem to be going off the deep end. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that (as of yet) I haven't had them all losing their common sense at the same time. Is it really too much to ask for them to think before they do something?

I know. I know. They're boys and don't always think things through. Also that they are kids and being a kid is when you make mistakes and learn from your mistakes. Seriously though, can't a mom catch a break. When one starts making big strides in their behavior, another one seems to decide to backslide. Most often it alternates between my two oldest. Jake has his moments too, but not to the same degree as the older two (yet).

Here's a couple examples for you:

1) Joey decided that he was through with school, his teacher, and homework about a month ago. Just stop doing assignments and overall giving all his teachers a hard time. He was telling his teachers he left his homework at home and telling me that he was suppose to leave the assignment at school to finish or that it was already finished. We found a stack of unfinished assignments crammed into the back of his desk. While trying to figure out what Joey's deal was and get him back on track, Jordan stepped up his game. Jordan cleared out his locker finding missing assignments which he turned in for a reduced grade. He was being kinder to his brothers. He was actually playing with the younger kids in the neighborhood. Helping me around the house. Just all around being encouraging and a helping hand to many.

2) I recently bragged on Facebook how awesome Joey has been doing. He's back on track and catching up his assignments. He's making friends at school and actually talking to them outside of school. He's making progress with some of his sensory issues. He's still being Joey and we have few bumps that get turned into mountains throughout the day, but overall he's been doing great. That's Jordan's cue turn my hair grey. Today's phone call was to notify me that Jordan will be suspended from school tomorrow. There was a "reward field trip" today for the students who had kept their grades up and haven't gotten any write ups. Those kids who were doing what they were suppose to all year long, had earned themselves a day riding go-carts. Jordan was not counted as part of that group of kids this year. Jordan decided that he wanted to go anyways and snuck onto the bus. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Jordan yet, but I'm guessing he didn't figure once there the teachers would do a head count. Seems he wasn't suppose to be there, they put him back on the bus and brought him back to school. He was written up as skipping school. That's his second suspension within a month. With only a little over a week left of school, hopefully it will be his last.

When Jordan and Joey are both working in a positive direction, no matter how briefly, is when Jacob's attitude comes out in full force. Jake takes his school work very seriously so he never slacks there, but he makes up for it with his mood swings. My little snuggle bear turns ornery!! There is no pleasing him and he's just looking for an argument wherever he can find one.

Will they ever all get their acts together at the same time? Probably. Will it happen while they're all still living at home? Probably not, but I'm hopeful. Will my hair be completely grey before Jacob leaves for college? Hopefully not, but probably.

No to the Stress of the M-STEP Test

 I found a wonderful Facebook page that supports my views on Common Core and the M-STEP (Michigan Student Test of Educational Progress). I found an "opt out form" that I could fill out for each of my children and take to their principals which was to insure that my children would not be taking the M-STEP, and I had another copy ready to take to the superintendent for the district, if need be. I printed off many copies, mainly because I wanted to insure that I had a copy for my records at home that had an original signature from whom accepted the form. I had heard stories from other parents on how they ran into some trouble spots with school personnel while opting out of the test. I thought there was a good chance that the stories had been embellished; until I took my forms in.

I thought it would as simple as walking into the principal's office asking for his signature and I'd be on my way. I had not made an appointment as chose to just wait in the office after dropping my younger two off at their classroom doors. I let the secretary know the reason for my visit and she asked me to have a seat. A short time later the other secretary asked what she could do to help me, I said "Just getting some opt out forms signed", she said something along the lines of she wasn't aware there were opt out forms. I have had many visits with the elementary principal due to issues that have raised this year with Joey, so when he saw me he was less than thrilled. The principal said he had a meeting he was running late for and what could he do for me today. I really thought it would be a quick visit and told him "I'll be out of here in less than 5 minutes. I just needed him to sign four papers for me". I followed him into his office where I was invited to have a seat once he saw the forms I handed him. I was told that he did not believe our school was accepting any opt out forms. After hearing the stories from other parents on the Facebook page I have been following, I had brought a copy of the state law that stated that I had a legal right to opt out my children, just in case. It took him a moment to compose himself then checked something on his computer. Then every word I had heard other parents say they were told, were recited to me. It almost sounded like he was following a script. I presented me with a copy of what the Michigan Department of Education had to say in regards to student participation in state assessments. After 45 MINUTES of him trying to explain that by opting my two children out of the testing I was putting all the teachers in the school and the school's funding in jeopardy by not allowing my boys to take the test. For every negative consequence he tried to convince me I was inflicting on the school, I had done my research was able to counter it with laws that backed up my rights as a parent. Michigan Department of Education states that 95% of participate in the assessment to ensures the school is in compliance with the No Child Left Behind Act. Michigan law states that it is the fundamental right of parents (and legal guardians) to determine and direct the care, teaching , and education of their children. After going back and forth for 45 MINUTES, I stopped debating with him and literally stood up and said "We love this school. We are school of choice and we chose you're school because of the teachers here. I hope you get the 95% of students to take the test so the school is not effected. However, as a parent I do not feel this test is in the best interest of my children. Would you please sign the papers". You know what, he signed the papers. He wasn't happy about it, but he signed them. Just before I left the office he informed me he would need to speak to the superintendent about if I was allowed opt my child out of a state test, and he was sure the superintendent would be in contact with me. I reassured him that I was fine with that. Then I walked out with my head held high, knowing I was doing what was best for my kids. That day after school, I stopped by each other their classrooms to inform their teachers of the choice I had made. I wanted the teachers to be aware that when my child said they were not to take the test, that were being truthful and should not try to be swayed to take the test.

After the ordeal opting out turned out to be with the elementary school, I was prepared to have a repeat when I went to the middle school to opt Jordan out of the test. It also just so happened that the elementary principal and middle school principal are married. I was pleasantly surprised when I talked to the secretary and she said she could have the forms sign for me in a few moments. She even chatted with me while we waited for the forms to get signed. I was informed that Jordan was the first student in their building that would not be taking the test. She was so helpful and even left a note to check into what alternative assignments Jordan would be given in place of the test. That was it. Done.

Tantrum Tuesday!! Not Very Christian of Them

Our church turned us away!!

Okay, that sounds a bit harsh, but basically that's what they did. We have been going to the same church for almost 6 years. We have tried a few different churches also, but this is our "home church". I have worked in the youth ministries, the boys go to Sunday School, Jordan is active in the youth group, and we try to make it every Sunday service. While some of us like our church more than others, it is essentially home. A place we go to worship God and fellowship with others. Over the years we have made many friends within our church and participated in many events the church has hosted. We love our church family.

Being a single parent means that the budget is usually pretty tight, but more so during the holiday. Over the past 7 years we have received help during Christmas from different organizations. The first Christmas after we moved out of my parents house a neighbor gave our local Lions Club our name to add us to the list of people who could use some help from The Untied Way. It was a huge blessing because I had lost my job earlier that year. The following year our name was again enter by a neighbor. The year after that I contacted the Lions Club and said we could handle Christmas on our own and thanked them for their help the previous years. While things were still pretty tight I was able to provide Christmas for my kids. The year my nephew lived with us our school entered our names for holiday help through "Holiday Heroes". It's like "Shop With A Cop", but the EMT and Firefighters shop with the kids. The boys loved it, they picked out gifts for themselves that would be wrapped as gifts from Mom. Last year we were on our own, and managed just fine. I had to get really creative with some of their gifts, but they loved what they received.

This year was the first year I had personally requested help for our family. Like many other people who are struggling I went a church. Not just any church, but OUR church. It would have been easier for me to go to a church where I didn't know anyone and confess "I need help". Instead I swallowed my pride and reached out to the ones I know. I mean this is our church family, family helps each other. I knew they had holiday help available because I have donated to it in the past.

We were running late for service, there were only a few people and only one greeter in the lobby. Ironically the greeter was the same person who welcomed us to the church 6 years ago. When I asked about holiday help he was excited to help us. He told me that he and Pastor had just been talking about how they wished they knew who from our congregation needed help. The greeter assured me that they could help us out and he would talk to Pastor.

The following week I stopped to talk to Pastor and mentioned how hard it was to reach out people I knew and let them know were struggling. I had asked about participating in "Gift-mart" then sticking around to volunteer at the event. "Gift-mart" is a program the two campuses of our church puts on for low income families. Members of our church donate items for the event and families sign up to come and buy the items at deep discounts. He told me that I could not sign up as a family to receive items from the event, but I could volunteer. That our campus hosts the event for the families of one particular local school ONLY. While they would like to help out more people the church was only helping out this school. I inquired if the church would be able to help out my family this year, and was told he'd have to see what they could come up with but surely they could help us.

This past Sunday, after Pastor congratulated everyone on how successful "gift-mart" had been. How thankful he was that we could help so many families that needed that little extra help this season. How excited he was that our event may be featured in our local paper. That he was very pleased that local families will be able to provide their children with wonderful Christmas. After service I stopped to talk to Pastor just to chat (like I do every Sunday on our way out the door) and he told me just as I was walking away that he was sorry that our church probably wouldn't be able to help us. That their focus was on the families from the school. To say the least, I was not real impressed.

To make the whole situation seem worse, that same afternoon I received a text from one of Jordan's friends asking about different (expensive) gifts that he could buy for Jordan. So our church of 6 years can't do anything to help us out, but here is a 12/13 year old boy asking to help out. He just wanted to make sure Jordan had a great Christmas. While I was touched by Jordan's friend's offer I could not allow this kid to buy things for my family. I told him the best gift he could give Jordan was to be a good friend to him.

*No worries, my boys will have presents under the tree. There are bought, wrapped, and tucked away until Christmas. While there may not be many there will be enough. They may not be expensive, but they will be treasured. God always provides!!

Tuesday Tantrum - The Drop-off

I just need to vent. Its one of those things that if it happened occasionally I could deal with it, but it happens every morning Monday through Friday; and yet I am always surprised that it happens. My boys attend a public school, although I hear this is an issue parents deal with at all types of different schools.

I'm talking about the morning drop off policy. Most days I think I'm the only one who has read them. On paper they sound great, it should keep things moving smoothly. There is one way in and one way out. The drop off line is clearly marked as are the safety zones for the students to walk in. They even have it marked off as to where to pull up so multiple families can drop off their children at once. Sounds great doesn't it. They have taken all the thought out of it. Pull up behind the car in front of you, let your child out and be on your way.

This is not what happens when I drop my boys off, I would love it if it did. Instead every single car feels the need  to stop in the safety zone directly in front of the door. Granted some parents get impatient with this and let their children out four or five car lengths behind the offending caring, but that leaves the children to walk between the other cars waiting to get in front of the door.

Once the offending car gets in front of the door little Tommy doesn't jump out. Oh No, he had no clue it was their turn and now needs to gather his belongings. Once little Tommy is out of the car the mom (or dad) rolls down the window and reminds little Tommy of things he needs to know for that day. While little Tommy and his mom have taken a good 2-3 minutes in front of the door, there is a line of approximately 15 cars still waiting for their turn to stop in the safety zone. Just to top things off, the parent then has to sit and watch little Tommy walk the four feet into the building. UGH! It drives me bonkers!

Not to brag, but I give my boys a heads up with a "hey, we're going to school" starting when they grab their backpacks. So they are not surprised once we get to the school. Once we're in the dreaded drop off line I tell them to grab their stuff, although they know it will still be a couple minutes before they will actually get out. I try to use the drive to school to give them any reminders they may need for the day. ("Remember this week you're goal is not to talk when your work isn't finished"). I end up letting my boys out of the van even though we're not in the safety zone or proper drop off zone, but are right behind little Tommy. On the occasions that little Tommy's car moves before I let my boys out, I pull all the way down to drop off marker and have my boys walk the safety zone to the door; you know lead by example. Yeah, that's as great in theory as the policy itself; little Suzy's mom then takes advantage of the spot I left open right in front of the door and starts her 2-3 minute ritual. I can't seem to win for losing.

If you are like Little Tommy's parent, could you please do the rest of us a favor that would make our morning run a bit smoother.
Just some helpful hints.

Pull up to the end of the line, so we can all drop off our kids. The couple extra feet they have to walk isn't going to exhaust them before class.

Directly in front of the door is suppose to be a No Standing Zone so kids whose parents walk them into the building can get there safely.

Try to have your child be ready to exit your car; backpacks for a great way to keep all their school stuff together and are easier to carry them an armful of papers and band equipment.

Talk to you kids on the way to school, tell them then that Grandma will be picking them up, or put a reminder note in their lunch box or backpack.

If you are concerned that your child can not walk safely into the building on their own, please park (in the designated spots) and walk your child into the building.

Just a side note, please correct me if I have been misinformed. When there is only one exit, if you chose to turn left you stay to the left side of the driveway. Also turn signals would be nice when used by the people who sit in the center of the driveway.

Anyone else have to deal with drop off issues like this? Is it just me? Did I read them wrong and have been getting unjustly upset by everyone else doing what they are suppose to do?

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