Social Awareness Can Totally Suck

Social Awareness: understanding how you react to different social situations, and effectively modify your interactions with others so you achieve the best result.

I was going to write about how social awareness really sucks some times, when I noticed I already had a draft saved titled "Social Awareness Sucks" from just over a year ago. Seems we have come full circle. We are at a different level of sucky-ness than when I wrote the first draft. When I wrote the first draft my heart was so broken for Joey, which is why I never finished the post. It still really breaks my heart when I think back to that time.

Let me start by saying that I have always admired Joey's ability to do what he enjoys without fear of what others might think of him. He had always been content to do his own thing even if he was doing it alone. Also, let me say kids can be so mean!

Joey's lack of social awareness was a bittersweet blessing, it protected him from the cruelty of his classmates. While he was content to do his own thing, he wanted nothing more that to have friends and be included. He tried so hard and did everything he should have to make friends, but he was already written off as the "weird kid". He was deemed one of the weird ones because of he couldn't sit still and talked too much, his behavior when he was frustrated with his school work, and because he wrote/colored like a kindergartner (dysgraphia).  Every day he tried to engage his classmates, every day he was rebuffed by them. I was shattered the day he told me about the game he got played with his "friends", it was called "Joey Can't Play". He explained it that he goes to different groups of kids and tries to join whatever game they are playing and they find different ways to make it look like he was playing but he wasn't actually allowed to play. He had the biggest smile on his face when he told me too. To him this was his way to be included. The blessing part of this, he had no idea that kids were being cruel and counted every single kid in his class as his friend. Having to talk to him about how his "friends" weren't really his friends, was one of the more difficult conversations I've had to have with him.

Fast forward a couple months and a new medication change, Joey hits the beginnings of social awareness. He comes home from school with the realization that everyone hates him. He sits by the wall all recess or on the"Buddy Bench" (the bench for when you're looking for someone willing to play with you). His class had instituted "The Joey Touch" and it had started to overflow to the rest of the grade during lunches. Everyone groaned and tried to switch partners when paired up with him. He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong to make everyone dislike him. The more he tried to act like everyone else the more the pushed him away. They were even setting him up to get in trouble, they would invite him to play tag then tell the recess monitors that he was chasing them (the school social worker was able to actually witness this a few times).

Beginning of 5th grade, we saw the grace of social awareness, although he still struggled to be liked by his peers. He curbed some of his quirky ways while at school. When he talked to peers he stayed mostly on their topic. He focused on finding just one or two kids to be friends with. He stayed away from the kids who were being mean or rude to him. He tried reverse psychology on them per my request just to see what would happen. He stopped chasing the girls at recess when they asked, he'd walk up to a group of kids playing a game ask what they were doing then walk away uninterested. Slowly the kids started noticing that Joey wasn't trying to be included and started finding ways to include themselves in what he was doing. I'm so grateful that worked in our favor, we had a 50/50 shot of that actually working. He was less frustrated with his school work due to finally finding a medication that worked for him. His teacher was awesome and did a lot of class work together; as his peers started realize Joey's really smart and has really good ideas they stopped complaining when they were paired up with him.

That brings us to now, end of 5th grade beginning of 6th grade. He has a pretty good handle on what the social norms are. He still has areas he needs to work on but has made amazing progress, and I'm so proud of him. He has a couple friends and talks at least in passing to most of the kids. He's so afraid to be singled out as the weird kid again. He doesn't want to do anything that might cause his peers to think he's different from them. He doesn't want any accommodations that help him with his school work (like going to the resource room during tests) or teachers checking that he has any homework packed to be taken home. He understands that everything we put in place is to help make life easier on him and is meant to be temporary, but he doesn't want to be different anymore. As of right now we have no modifications or accommodations in place.

His being wary of what being different has overflowed to outside of school also. He doesn't want to take his ADHD medication and refuses to cooperate at occupational therapy. Yesterday I was called back at OT because Joey refused to do any of the exercises and literally had the OT chasing him wall to wall. Once I was back there he stood arms crossed and refused to do what he was asked until I threatened to take one of his privileges away. His reasoning he's not autistic like the other kids who go there (granted majority of the kids who also go the therapy center are more severely autistic), and it makes him feel like we think of him as "autistic like them". I have sat down and talk with Joey about why he needs his medication and therapy many times; he knows he needs both, but doesn't want to need them. He doesn't want to be different anymore.

Back To School

It can be so difficult to find the opportunity to steal away some computer time for myself when the boys are all home. Everyone is back to school and adjusting well back into the routine.

Jordan did get shuffled on to ninth grade. I have mixed feeling about this; while I know he is more than capable of doing the work, his grades however did not reflect this. I irks me that every child gets pushed on to the next grade rather they are capable of the work or not. Jordan is enjoying his freshman year thus far. His elective classes are his favorite weight training and surprising Spanish. Until this year he's dreaded Spanish class, he says he only likes it because his teacher is so much fun. His grades last year did come with consequences, he was placed in pre-algebra which he despises because of the extremely slow pace for the class and he gets pulled from weight training twice a week for language arts remediation.


Joey has a wonderful teacher!! I have spoken with her a few times and she is very open to working with parents. Joey still qualifies for resource room assistance but has not needed to visit the resource room. He is keeping up with his classmates on his assignments with no modifications. To help prepare him for middle school I am not meeting him in his classroom at the end of the day. He is to fill out his agenda and the teacher double checks that he has all homework assignments before he meets me at the end of the hallway. He still digs in his heels about doing homework, but does it with little help from me. The grades he's been earning on his assignments are nothing lower than a B. Thank God Almighty he really enjoys his teacher, they seem to get along well.



  Jacob hit a hiccup before school even started when not even one of his friends were in his class. Jacob is Jacob though and within a week was okay with only seeing his buddies at lunch. He is looking forward to running for student council now that he's in 4th grade. He really likes this teacher, says she's really funny. Both Joey and Jacob have taken a new student under their wing. Both volunteered to be their locker partners and are still playing with their "new student" during recess.



Jordan is planning on trying out for the school's basketball team this year. He hasn't done much in the sense of conditioning but is hoping through his weigh training class he won't be at too much of a disadvantage. Jordan has recently become involved with the youth group through our church. The group consists of high school students, so majority of the kids are older than him. He prefers to hang out with people older than him, he is more comfortable in this group than he was in the middle school one. I'm not 100% sure what they do at the youth group meetings, but from the pictures they share they have way too much fun :) *Pictured is the outfit he chose for their "Thrift Store Homecoming Dance"




Joey has joined Jacob's soccer team and both are doing awesome. Jacob is the leader scorer for his team although most of his teammates have played for a couple of years. Jacob is still strong as a forward and Joey is getting the hang of things. There are two Joeys on their team, Joey asked the coach to call him "Bob" so he knew when he was talking to him...lol. It works well, but is so funny listening to everyone cheer for "Bob". He has been wonderful at being an encouragement to his teammates, it doesn't matter if someone is upset about letting a goal get past them or if someone was injured, "Bob" is right there to comfort and encourage.


Due to soccer games overlapping the time we spend helping at the pantry, we have to wait until the season is over before returning to volunteer. They boys really miss being at the pantry and are looking forward to being back and seeing everyone. I have compensated not being at the pantry by helping out the church one day a week. I do a little bit of everything, whatever they need the day I'm there I do. One of the best parts is I help assemble the programs we hand on before our services. I have meet some wonderful people. I really don't want to totally give up my time helping at the church once we return to the pantry, it's a lot of gas to head to the church 3 times a week. The boys have agreed to helping at the pantry every other week so on the off weeks I can still do my volunteering.



Jordan also has been ushering with me at church. We work in different areas so he can have a bit more independence, but I can still keep an eye on him. The boys are too young to usher, not to be excluded though every Sunday they help with taking down all the chairs after service. They are a huge help and great workers.




The changes I have seen in Joey the last couple months has me awestruck. He has been surprising me in so many little ways from trying new foods to joining a team sport. The newest one is he has decided he'd like to be in the beginner band through the school!! He had his heart set on playing the flute, but after he tested out what instrument best fit him; he's going to play the.... trombone!! "I'm going to be the best trombone player ever, Mom! And I only have to be to school and hour earlier for practice!!" So I guess I going to see about renting him a trombone.

No to the Stress of the M-STEP Test

 I found a wonderful Facebook page that supports my views on Common Core and the M-STEP (Michigan Student Test of Educational Progress). I found an "opt out form" that I could fill out for each of my children and take to their principals which was to insure that my children would not be taking the M-STEP, and I had another copy ready to take to the superintendent for the district, if need be. I printed off many copies, mainly because I wanted to insure that I had a copy for my records at home that had an original signature from whom accepted the form. I had heard stories from other parents on how they ran into some trouble spots with school personnel while opting out of the test. I thought there was a good chance that the stories had been embellished; until I took my forms in.

I thought it would as simple as walking into the principal's office asking for his signature and I'd be on my way. I had not made an appointment as chose to just wait in the office after dropping my younger two off at their classroom doors. I let the secretary know the reason for my visit and she asked me to have a seat. A short time later the other secretary asked what she could do to help me, I said "Just getting some opt out forms signed", she said something along the lines of she wasn't aware there were opt out forms. I have had many visits with the elementary principal due to issues that have raised this year with Joey, so when he saw me he was less than thrilled. The principal said he had a meeting he was running late for and what could he do for me today. I really thought it would be a quick visit and told him "I'll be out of here in less than 5 minutes. I just needed him to sign four papers for me". I followed him into his office where I was invited to have a seat once he saw the forms I handed him. I was told that he did not believe our school was accepting any opt out forms. After hearing the stories from other parents on the Facebook page I have been following, I had brought a copy of the state law that stated that I had a legal right to opt out my children, just in case. It took him a moment to compose himself then checked something on his computer. Then every word I had heard other parents say they were told, were recited to me. It almost sounded like he was following a script. I presented me with a copy of what the Michigan Department of Education had to say in regards to student participation in state assessments. After 45 MINUTES of him trying to explain that by opting my two children out of the testing I was putting all the teachers in the school and the school's funding in jeopardy by not allowing my boys to take the test. For every negative consequence he tried to convince me I was inflicting on the school, I had done my research was able to counter it with laws that backed up my rights as a parent. Michigan Department of Education states that 95% of participate in the assessment to ensures the school is in compliance with the No Child Left Behind Act. Michigan law states that it is the fundamental right of parents (and legal guardians) to determine and direct the care, teaching , and education of their children. After going back and forth for 45 MINUTES, I stopped debating with him and literally stood up and said "We love this school. We are school of choice and we chose you're school because of the teachers here. I hope you get the 95% of students to take the test so the school is not effected. However, as a parent I do not feel this test is in the best interest of my children. Would you please sign the papers". You know what, he signed the papers. He wasn't happy about it, but he signed them. Just before I left the office he informed me he would need to speak to the superintendent about if I was allowed opt my child out of a state test, and he was sure the superintendent would be in contact with me. I reassured him that I was fine with that. Then I walked out with my head held high, knowing I was doing what was best for my kids. That day after school, I stopped by each other their classrooms to inform their teachers of the choice I had made. I wanted the teachers to be aware that when my child said they were not to take the test, that were being truthful and should not try to be swayed to take the test.

After the ordeal opting out turned out to be with the elementary school, I was prepared to have a repeat when I went to the middle school to opt Jordan out of the test. It also just so happened that the elementary principal and middle school principal are married. I was pleasantly surprised when I talked to the secretary and she said she could have the forms sign for me in a few moments. She even chatted with me while we waited for the forms to get signed. I was informed that Jordan was the first student in their building that would not be taking the test. She was so helpful and even left a note to check into what alternative assignments Jordan would be given in place of the test. That was it. Done.

We Have A Plan!!

Last Wednesday I met with the school's principal, school psychologist, Joey's teacher, the resource teacher, and even the district's special education director. I've gotta tell you, honestly I was so scared to go into the meeting. I had done my research and knew what to expect. I had researched what accommodations and modifications may be helpful for Joey. I had already met everyone who would be attending the meeting, with the exception to the special ed director. What had me so intimidated was Joey's teacher. She has always seem stand-offish and I had some things I wanted to call her out on. I'm not really a confrontational kind of person, but there were some things I couldn't let go unsaid.

There wasn't much about the results of the evaluation and IQ test that I hadn't expected to hear. Joey is very smart, if you can get him to stop bopping around long enough to do the work. His spelling and handwriting were below grade level, but we already knew that. They had Joey's teacher address her thoughts first, as she had a limited time before having to get her class from art. She kind of gave off the vibe that Joey is the way he is, he'll always be that way, and there isn't much any of us can do the change that. Other than to list off the a bunch of negatives, she didn't have much to say. The Special Ed director and the psychologist tried helping her out by asking about various ways she may have accommodated Joey. After a lot of replies of "No, I never tried that.", "If he would just...", "That wouldn't work.", "If I did that I would have to..." It was apparent to everyone that other than get him a "bucket seat" the day before she hasn't done much to help Joey out. I was surprised when the psychologist started asking his teacher what she would want another teacher to know about Joey, I think she was shocked by this too. I knew she wasn't doing anything to make school easier on Joey, but to have the others realize that I wasn't just being a squeaky wheel over nothing was a huge weigh lifted.

Now was my turn to address his teacher. We (and by that I mean I) implemented, Joey needs to chew gum during class. That not only does it help stop him from chewing on pencils and his shirt, it helps him maintain his focus. I bought and sent in a pack of dye-free, sugar-free gum a month ago, there was only 18 sticks in the pack. Given that Joey should be using 1-2 pieces a day, I should have heard by now that he needs another pack of gum. Joey has told me that he has asked for the gum and she has told him no he couldn't have it. She told me that she only gives it to him when he asks and he hasn't really asked for it. It was the resource teacher that put me at ease and said sometimes when the kids know the option is available they don't need it, that just knowing it's there is comforting to them. My next concern was his darn spelling tests. As soon as I mentioned spelling tests she (the teacher) said "I don't mark him down for his handwriting errors." That's what she had told me before, but yet the 5 most recent spelling test I pulled out of my file (and many more like it were at home) had multiple words marked wrong because of handwriting. The special ed guy asked if maybe Joey could use an Alpha-smart for his spelling tests. Which gave me the perfect opportunity to mention, "Joey says that Alpha-smart is new and his teacher won't let him use it, because he may break it." His teacher just shook her head in disapproval. Again it was the resource teacher who problem solved with us, due to the way the spelling tests are set up it would be confusing for Joey to use the Alpha-smart. Special  Ed guy suggested that maybe the teacher could make a set up table on Joey's paper for him. She sighs and says she wouldn't know how to do that (of give me a break, I could do that and send it in every Friday), so the PRINCIPAL volunteered to print up a spelling table paper from Joey every week. By this time it was almost time for Joey's teacher to head back to class, so it was now or never time voice my major issues with his teacher. Joey loves hugs and cuddles, but can not stand being "restrained" even just holding his hand if he doesn't initiation it, will have him struggling to "get free". He absolutely can not stand that his teacher will put her hand on his shoulder to get him to sit down or refocus, she knows it bothers him and that's why she does it. If she touches his shoulder he will sit just to get her to walk away. I had to ask that she find a different way to redirect him, this instantly puts him in defense mode. I also asked that though Joey can be so frustrating that its infuriating that she not talk down to him, especially in front of the class. Telling him to put the pencil on the paper and move it and it may actually make words or pictures isn't helpful and doesn't send a positive message to his classmates about how to treat Joey.

After his teacher left, things progress more quickly as a plan was set in place. Joey would now take his spelling tests in the resource room every week. He would also spend the first and last half hour of the day in the resource room. That way the resource teacher could pump him up for a great day and could review how each day went. Joey would still go to the resource room during the day as needed as he has been doing since the beginning of the school year. The resource teacher is also going make 2 cards for Joey to bring down to room when he comes so both she and him know why he's there. 1 card that says "work", so they know he's there for a quiet place to work or catch up on his work. The other card will say "disruption", so she can help him decompress and refocus. The resource teacher says there have been times when Joey has come to her room all upset that he was in trouble again only to later learn that he was sent to complete an assignment. They are also moving his locker to one closer to the resource room, which will allow him an empty locker on either side of his, and he'll have more space. Joey will also see the school psychologist at least twice a month (maybe more) to work on his social skills.

Figuring out what accommodations were needed was rather easy. Most of the things from my list they already had on there. The few they didn't have, they added without much explaining from me. Most are standard things you'd expected for any kid struggling in school. Such as shortened assignments, frequent breaks, directions given both orally and written, seated near the teacher, allowing movement breaks, dictating his answers to a scribe, and use of a focus board/ study carrell. I was very pleased (however sad it needed to be in writing) that part of his IEP states he needs lots of feedback praise, especially from his general ed teacher.

After we had everything pretty much figured out, they called Joey into the office. He had been extremely anxious about our meeting and only got a couple hours of sleep that night. He walks in and plops himself in one of the chairs. Smiles nicely at everyone, they introduce him to the special ed guy as he's the only one Joey doesn't already know. They tell Joey that everyone has had a lot of nice things to say about him and how great he has been doing. Then in true Joey form, he asks the only question that had been on his mind, "So I am getting a different teacher?" There were a couple little snickers, before the school psychologist said that it's a good thing he brought that up that we still needed to talk about that. We gave Joey a general run down about what kind of changes where going to take place within a couple of days and seeing that he had physically relaxed we sent him back to class, with the promise that mom would let him know about the new teacher situation.

No new teacher (as of yet). The room I wanted to switch him to, has one of the few male teachers and is at its limit. The other 4th grade teacher has one of the only kids Joey gets along with in her class, and I'm afraid that it may put too much strain on the budding friendship if they were together the whole day, everyday. The principal said that it would be too much of a disruption to switch Joey's teachers, both in his classroom and whatever room Joey moves too. I offered to see how things go with the IEP in place for the remainder of the semester, but if there wasn't much improvement that I wanted Joey switched for the 2nd semester.

One of my concerns that wasn't discussed in detail is Joey's need for occupational therapy. The school is going to have their OT come in and evaluate Joey and see if he meets the school's criteria for the therapy.  Also the night before our meeting, I received a call from one of the therapy centers we were on the waiting list for and they finally have an opening for OT. We go on Wednesday for his evaluation there and should start OT therapy weekly soon after. I would love if Joey could be getting OT both at school and outside of school.

Everyone on our"team" brings something different to the table and see's Joey through different eyes. The general ed teacher, (boy, is she a piece of work) brings the view of how some of Joey's classmates see him. She sees him as the hyper, behavioral problem, who's mom wants special treatment for. Joey is just another trouble maker she has to deal with until the end of the school year. There is no way she is going to let this kid win, she is not going to do anymore than she has to for him. While saying I'm not a fan of hers is putting it (very) mildly, however she does present a great learning life lesson. I can get a clearer picture of what Joey's classmates may be feeling towards him. Also, I can enforce to Joey not everyone is going to like you, but you still have to figure out a way to make things work.

The resource teacher, seems to understand the challenges Joey is facing. She is in tune with what may work to help him, rather it be to help calm him down or help him refocus. While she "gets him", she lies down the law and does not allow Joey to make excuses for his behavior or allows him manipulate her. She has also been the "middle man" for the past couple months. She's the one who helps me better understand what Joey is like in the general ed class.

The school psychologist is unbiased in her observation of Joey. She sees that he has many issues to work through and many more behavior issues to work through. She also sees that Joey is used as a scapegoat. The other day on the playground she was watching Joey interact with his peers. Currently Joey is working on not chasing kids on the playground. After Joey came to say a quick hello to her, she sent him to off to play. She watched him play parallel with a group of girls. Then shortly after watched as Joey started chasing the girls around the playground equipment, these are some of the same girls who complain to the lunch aides almost daily about Joey chasing them. A quick reminder from the psychologist, in which all she did was call his name, and Joey smiled apologetically and stopped chasing the girls. It took the girls a  few minutes to realize that Joey was not still behind them, and they looked confused like "Where'd he go?"

The principal, I'm not real sure his role at this point. I think of him kind of the a guard dog. I know I scared him a bit when I requested an advocate be present at our first IEP meeting. Also that a couple months into school I sought him out to see about a change in teacher. I think he's there to keep the Mama Bears in check :)

I wanted to include about our visit to the psycho-neuro, but this post is much longer than I anticipated. I'll have to write it another time. My kiddos are begging for dinner :)

Update on Joey

I have been meaning to sit and write another update on what has been going on with Joey, but things keep happening and I push off the post so I can include everything. Well, this won't have everything included in it, as I have his first IEP meeting on Wednesday and we get the feedback from his psycho - neurological evaluation on Friday, but this will catch everyone up some.

A few weeks ago I was helping out in the boys' school's book fair. My boys were so excited I was there and could spend their lunch breaks with them. Halfway through the week Joey asked me to go outside for lunch recess with him and I told him I really needed to get back to the fair, I wish I would have went to recess with him. After being back at the fair for about 10 minutes I see Joey walking down the hall crying, he should have been at recess. When I went to see why he wasn't on the playground, he told me that he had to sit in the principal's office and wasn't allowed outside with the other kids. According to the story Joey told me he was chasing some girls around the playground and the girls collided. Both girls and two of their friends told the recess aid that Joey smacked one in the face and punch the other one. Joey does have his moments when he'll strike out, usually at his brothers, but never a girl. After the principal couldn't get Joey to change his story and confess to hitting the girls, the principal called the school psychologist in to get Joey to "tell the truth". Usually if you confront Joey a few times he'll back track and tell you the truth (if he is lying). The principal also pulled me from the book fair for a meeting about the zero tolerance policy. During our meeting that lasted over an hour Joey was left sitting and crying in the office thinking he was in trouble. The principal confessed that no one really knows what happened on the playground, for no adults seen what happened. They had 4 girls saying assaulted two of the girls and only him saying he didn't do it. They needed to have something to tell the parents of the girls, should they call and ask what was being done with the brute that targeted their sweet little angels. The school's solution was that Joey really should lose his recess for the remainder of the week, but due to his issues that they would allow Joey to have his 20 minutes of recess by himself after the other students have had theirs. They figured Joey would be more of a behavior problem if he was not able to release his extra energy. They called Joey into our meeting and explained that he would still have recess, just that he would have to have his by himself for the safety of the other students, but that he was not being punished. Sounded like a punishment to me, so for the next two days I met Joey on the playground so he would have someone to play with (seems it wasn't a punishment). I'm sorry, but no child is going to burn off energy playing by themselves. Joey still stands by his story that he did not hurt those girls; I believe him. This wouldn't be the first (or last) time Joey got blamed for something by his classmates, just so he would be told to stay away from them because he's weird.

During our meeting the principal and school psyc. advisedme that Joey needs to be on medication. They went so far as to recommend two medications that are not stimulants, because I told them (repeatedly) the stimulants don't work for Joey. It really irks me that these two people (along with his teacher) who have known my child for mere months think they can diagnose and recommend medications for my child. The school psychologist also mentioned that some of Joey's issues and aggression may be coming from home and the way his brothers interact with him! I'm trying to keep in mind that I'm "working with" these people to help my kid, but sometimes....

I said it in my last "Joey update" and I'll say it again medication is not ALWAYS the answer! I just had a conversation with the boys' doctor about the school's push to medicate Joey. There are many cases where the schools will not allow students back into class until the parents have the child on medication. So the parents put their kid on the meds the school (where no one has a medical degree) have told them to and the kid gets into the classroom and stabs the teacher with a pencil, when previously the kid was not violent. The side effects of these medication affect people differently.

I'm not ready to resort back to medications. Joey has been doing better physically without them. He actually can fall asleep within a reasonable amount of time and sleeps uninterrupted during the night. He has always had an appetite, but now he is actually gaining weight. He has been on medications for 5 years and still had the same behavioral problems he has now. Granted he sat still a bit more in class, but he wasn't retaining any of the information due to be exhausted from not sleeping. I'm looking into alternatives to medicines. When he was first diagnosed with ADHD I was told our option was medication. Now I know better, I have seen changes in him (as well as my other boys) from removing food dyes, that I didn't even know about until 2 years ago. Which got me thinking what other options are out there we haven't tried. I'm not saying that if he needs medications to help him function that I won't give them to him. I just want to run out any other methods before saying medications are the answer for him.

Two weeks ago I was a gas station and noticed a business called Life Balance across the street. Thinking it may be another place to try to get Joey in for his occupational and behavioral therapies I stopped in. (He's still on waiting lists at two different places) Turns out they do therapies, but just not the kind I thought. They are a brain balance center. While the receptionist explained how they go about balancing one's brain, I started thinking this is too good to be true. It's the simplest thing, my kid sits and plays a video game, reads a book, or whatever, and they put headphones on him. Through the sound waves and some computer it will find what ever imbalance my kid has and will corrected it by making the brain connections that his brain isn't doing on it's own. Here's the catch, it only has an 80% success rate and most people need 12-15 sessions. Each sessions is $100, and most insurance companies won't cover it!! I have heard some about Brain Gym sessions that are all over the place, my friend's son's Choi class offers them to their students. So there seems to be some science behind why this may work (some, but not enough for $100 per session). I vowed to look more into it.

That very same day, I came across a book at the library about brain balancing your child with ADHD, ADD, or Autism. The books claim was it could cure all this things and more. I didn't quite believe that it was going to cure Autism or ADD, but it was an opportunity to get a better understanding of this brain balancing thing is about. I've gotta give the author credit, it makes logical sense that in theory this could work to some degree. I filled out all the checklists and had Joey do the assessments. I figured we'd give it try, after all it was a library book and we could try it for free. While the theory behind it makes sense, some of the exercises don't seem like they would help much other than to get my kid doing regular exercises. How doing 45 sit-ups in a minute in going to balance my kid's brain is beyond me. While others I can see the connection to why they may "balance" my kids. I did learn some interesting things about Joey I never thought check, like his sense is smell is off. Which explains why he will eat weird concoctions of foods or eat just mustard if its on his plate. He's sense of smell effects the way foods taste. There are a series of exercises to do to strengthen his little sniffer. (Actually those exercises were a favorite amongst all my boys.) We are two weeks into the exercises the book recommended for Joey per the results of the checklists and assessments, the book says that he should be mostly if not completely "fixed" by the end of 12 weeks on the program. I'm not expecting to this thing to work as it claims, but it's worth a shot to see if there could be any improvements on Joey's behavior. I'll keep you updated on how well balanced our brains get :)
Joey can now after two weeks identify 9 different smells while blindfold when held 6 inches away from his nose. He has very recently started trying small amounts of new-to-him foods, and liking most of them. Otherwise I have haven't noticed any changes that make the think this could be the Holy Grail for Joey.

A week ago was suppose to be our first IEP meeting and after sending a email to the school psychologist, we decided to push back the meeting until after our neurology appointment. Our IEP was for 10:00 am and the neurology appointment was for 2:45 that same day. I had made phone calls the week prior to the neurology appt. to make sure that the feedback from the psycho-evaluation would be sent to the neurologist by our appt date. I was assured that the results were completed and would be available at our appt. Long story short, the results were not sent to the neurologist and Joey and I wasted over an hour for nothing. Only good thing that came from the appt was the Neuro. told me that she would not prescribe any medications for Joey that if I wanted him on medications I would need to go through the pycho- neurologist. SO when the school called about rescheduling Joey's IEP and if I received the results of the evaluation and were they going to medicate Joey again. I could tell them flat out the Neurologist would not medicate him, and they backed off about when I was going to get him back on his meds. :) Seems Joey is not going back on medications (at this time) it didn't matter if we went ahead with the IEP before hearing the results for the medical evaluation that was done and could just base Joey's plan off what the school concluded. However, depending on what I learn on Friday from the psycho-neurologist I may need to set up for another IEP meeting.

I am excited and scared about our first IEP meeting. I am so very ready for us to figure out what will work for Joey to get more out of his school days. I've nervous because this is new to me. I was part of my nephew's IEP team when he was in my care, but his accommodations and goals were clear and easy to address. Also I knew my nephew's teacher (they were fellow staff members and we had been in the school for 6 years) and they were willing to work with me (and Matthew). Joey is a bit more fuzzy when it comes to seeing what will work for him. We are still relatively new to the school district and the school itself. So far this year I haven't seen much in the way of open communication or willingness to assist Joey from his main classroom teacher. In the last 10 years (since Jordan started school) this is the first time I have encountered a teacher that willing to work with me. I do have my list of demands....I mean, my requests for modifications and accommodations ready for our meeting.

Side note:  His teacher is still marking spelling test wrong due to handwriting issues.

Quick Update on Joey

This past Wednesday I turned in my formal request to have the boys' school evaluate Joey for learning disabilities, and today I received a call from the school psychologist. She wanted to let me know that she will be leading the Joey's evaluation. Also to let me know that in his backpack was the form for me to sign granting my approval for the testing. I'm so very glad that get a response so quickly from the school. I'm hoping the school's evaluation will proceed quicker than the medical one.

Then the psychologist said something that really bothers me. She had hoped to have the medical evaluation results back before the school tested him, because he's going to need to be on medication and that will effect his results.  She can tell from how much trouble Joey is having in school that there basically isn't any other way than to have him medicated (paraphrased). That "we" will have to re-monitor him after he is back on medicine. If he's on medications he may not need as much intervention.

It really bothers me that it seems the school just wants him on medication. As if he'll take some magic pill that suddenly make him a model student. That medication will "fix" his handwriting and difficulty reading and spelling. While it may help him focus better or sit still longer it's doesn't help him retain the material taught. If they talk to his teacher from last year, she can tell them he still struggled and he was medicated then. Even on meds he didn't sit quietly at his desk, was easily distracted and distracted others, his assignments weren't completed or if they were he couldn't find them in the black hole his desk had become to turn them in.

I understand that in our society everyone is all about finding magic pills for everything. Can't sleep- take a pill, need to lose weight- take a pill, kid can't sit still-give them a pill. While there are many people who do really need to take medications in order to function, why is that always the first option we turn to. With all the research that has been done with children (and adults) with ADHD and Autism and all the alternative therapies and diets, why aren't those encouraged instead of pushing medications.

We have been very blessed to have found a Neurologist and Neuro-psychologist that don't want to look to medications until we have tried everything else first.

I think Joey is doing awesome recently in class! Does he have room for improvement? Yep, tons! The progress he has made isn't coming from some pill I give him every morning. It comes from the teachers who are helping me figure out what tools Joey needs so he can learn to deal with his "disabilities". It's the cushion, the Velcro strips, the change of space (either going to the office or to the resource room). It's me hanging around the kitchen table while he does his homework and the encouraging when he is feeling frustrated with his assignments. It's having him practice writing and reading daily. It's the added step for me to double check that he has put all his homework in the correct folders and that the folders made their way back into his backpack.

He has been in class for 3 weeks. He has only know his teacher for 3 weeks. He only meet the school psychologist a week or 2 ago. You can't tell me that within 3 weeks that both his teacher and the psychologist know him well enough to decide he needs medication. Especially when the Neuro doctors (who have PhD's) and deal with "kids like Joey" are telling me to hold off on medications.

UGH!! I guess the update turned more into a rant than an update, but it just gets under my skin when people who barely know my kids start telling me what I should do with them. Medications are not always the only way success.

So within the next 30 days the school is suppose to test Joey. I'm hoping they do it sooner rather than later, seems they know he is going in for the medical evaluation at the end of October.

Progress No Matter How Small Is Still Progress!

We are only 3 weeks into the school year and already there has been some bumps, but there has also been some progress. I was really worried about Joey going to school without any medications to help him control his ADHD. He had a great day the first few days and I started to feel more comfortable that between his teacher and I we'd find a way to "deal" with Joey's issues until he could be placed back on medicine. That comfort was squashed the week of his intake appointment with the Neuro-psycholigist when he teacher suggested that Joey be placed back on medication until his evaluation. She wasn't sure how she was going to deal with him otherwise, she'd be bald by the end of the week from pulling her hair out just trying to get him to sit and focus on his assignments. Joey wasn't staying at his desk, was very talkative, and mostly plain refused to do majority of his assignments. Everyday we were getting 5-8 assignments sent home to be completed because he just wouldn't do them in class. In less than a week Joey went from thinking he had one of the coolest teacher to thinking that she hated him.

When we went to the intake appointment and the doctor said to keep Joey off the medications at least until after the evaluation, then we could revisit  the need for medication. I asked her what was I suppose to tell his teacher and school psychologist that were pushing for something to help him with his ADHD. Her answer was, to explain that we were trying to get the most accurate evaluation so there would be no medications until after the evaluation. They would have to do the best they could with Joey until we knew more about what was going on with him. Basically she was saying tell them- he's not going back on the meds. Deal with it! (which I totally agree with.)

The down side of having the teacher "deal with" Joey is that his self-esteem really takes a hit. I get that teachers are suppose to treat all the kids equally and that they try, but it doesn't always happen. It's much harder to keep your cool with the kid whom you have to keep redirecting than the ones who follow directions the first time. That when a kid digs in his heel and refuses to any part of his assignment and sits staring at the wall for the 20 minutes instead frustrates the adult in charge. "Dealing with" Joey makes class miserable for all involved, the teacher is frustrated with Joey's lack of cooperation. Joey feels that the teacher is picking on him because she keeps insisting he do the assignment. The rest of the class get distracted by the battle of wills between the teacher and Joey.

Now, I'm not blaming the teacher for not wanting to deal with (or not knowing how to reach) an un-medicated ADHD child; over the summer I was at my wits end more than a few times. I don't know how much experience the teacher has teaching a kid like Joey. I've known Joey his entire life and sometimes I'm at a loss for what to try. What works one day doesn't mean that it will work the next.

I'm a strong believer in the partnership between parent and teacher. I check in with Joey's teacher daily. At first, it looked like I was going to have to gear up to battle for my child. The teacher decided that she wouldn't keep after Joey to get his assignments done and would allow him to either sit and do nothing the whole day or send him down to office until he could better control his behavior. While I feel that if he is feeling overwhelmed that he should be allowed to leave the room and calm down, but he was spending 45 minutes at a time a couple days a week just chilling in the office. Joey is the type of kid that a lot of things are a fine line, sometimes he does just need a break but he'll also take advantage of the chance to just get out of class if he feels its boring. For about a week he'd do minimal schoolwork in class and sat and visited the the school psychologist and secretaries in the office just about every day. Then came home and did all his schoolwork that was suppose to have been done that day. I started feeling like the teacher was just dismissing Joey because he required more time and energy. Every night he'd sit at the table and complete his assignments while I made dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. The whole stack of assignments would be done in less than 45 minutes! I started questioning why he could do the work at home without complaint (or assistance) but could get nothing accomplished in class. Turns out that if Joey didn't think he could finish the whole assignment within the allotted time, he wouldn't bother starting it; at home he was allowed to take all the time he needed. Joey sees a page with 20 math problems and 15 minutes to do them, as less than a minute per problem therefor not enough time to do them all; when in reality he could finish in 10 minutes. Now Joey is getting as much done on each assignment as he can and finishing the remaining couple problems as homework.

Last week Joey has made more progress, granted I had to go hunt down the resources. I started touching base with the school psychologist and resource teacher, just to introduce myself and inform them that we will probably be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months. The resource teacher, we'll call her "Ms. W" suggested that seems Joey likes to move around so much and wander the room and wiggle in his chair that an inflated bubble cushion might help. Joey is allowed to wiggle on the cushion on his chair (as long as he doesn't bounce). She also thought that adding stripes of Velcro on the underside of his desk top that he can run his finger across might be helpful to him. Both of her suggestions have been working well for Joey. Seems he can still move while on the cushion, he is walking around the room less.

Yesterday, I met another resource teacher that apparently Joey has been spending some time in her classroom recently. The boys school is working on MAP testing and the resource teacher happen to be talking with Joey's teacher when she noticed his lack of focus during his test. He has been completing his test in her room, she quickly realized that Joey would more successful taking the test with five other students present than sitting in the class of 30+ and trying to focus. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but it takes very little to distract Joey. Joey has also been granted permission a few times to take his assignments into the resource teacher's room to have the extended time to finish them.

Also, yesterday I turned in my request for the school to evaluate Joey for any learning disabilities even though we are are still pursuing the medical evaluation. I also requested that I be granted an advocate for IEP's as I'm not real sure what help is available for him. We still do not have an IEP in place even though we are starting to figure out which accommodations work for Joey. The teachers I have talked to seem to agree that accommodations will be needed. His teacher has agreed to allow Joey to use an AlphaSmart for writing assignments, but has yet to actually let him use it.

I'm not really feeling that his teacher and I are on the same page. While she is going along with the accommodations once one of the resource teacher brings them in the class, she does not seem happy about it. When I talk to her (daily) I get the impressions that she thinks I'm looking for "special treatment" for Joey, which is not the case. I'm just trying to figure out what works best for him so she is not struggling with him all day. I'm hoping she realizes that we are on the same side. I'm trying to lessen her work, not make extra for her.

Joey is still bringing homework home everyday, but it's only a couple of questions per sheet and not near as many sheets. Homework isn't a battle and is completed in less than a half hour (compared to the hours it took the first couple weeks). All writing assignments he types on the computer and we attach it to the worksheet to turn in. While he is doing much better, he still has some issues to work on. BUT...he is making progress (however small) while not on any medications!!!!

* I am not against putting any of my children on medication if there is a real need for it. I want to try other non-medical options before returning to medication.

Aspie-lutely Awesome Joey!!

This summer Joey took a "drug holiday" which means he was off all his medications. We did our first ever drug holiday last year and he did wonderful with it. The main purpose of his meds is to help him slow down and focus better, there isn't much he needs to focus on during the summer. He isn't required to sit still for extended periods of time and has plenty of opportunities to release his energy outside. One of the major factors in wanting to take the "holiday" was Joey's sleeping schedule was so messed up. He was barely sleeping, most nights he was getting roughly 3-4 hours of  broken sleep. We had tried melatonin in the past; it did help him sleep better for the first night, but around the second or third night he would start having night terrors and we stopped using it. Sleeping had been an issue with him once we put him back on his meds last school year. It started off that it would take him (3) hours to settle down so he could sleep, then they upped his dosage because he was still having a hard time in school (the doctor said it was the dosage, not the lack of sleep) that after fighting for hours to get to sleep be was unable to stay asleep. I'm proud to say that throughout this summer he has been sleeping a lot better, he still wakes up too early but he's getting 9-10 hours of rest a night.

Around the same time we decided to take another "holiday" our family doctor moved down south and we had to find a new one. I chose a pediatric doctor this time. I had switched Jacob over to the pediatrian about 6 month prior to having to switch the other boys. There are only 2 doctors in the office and I absolutely LOVE them both. Joey's new doctor was surprised that he had been diagnosed with ADHD at age 6 with only the use of a survey and that neither him nor Jordan had been re evaluated since their diagnosis. She was firm about not refilling their (mainly Joey's) prescriptions until he had a psychological evaluation done. I figured during his "holiday" was a great time for the evaluation that way they could get a clear look at how he was un-medicated. There was a mix up with our insurance and I was told that I needed to reapply that none of us had insurance. After reapplying I learned that there was no need for us to reapply and that we had insurance the whole time. It took about a month to straighten out, and that was a month I could have been looking into getting Joey the evaluation he needed. Trying to get in to see a psychologist before the start of school was a challenge,every place I called had a 9-12 month waiting list. I checked back with the pediatrician to see if a neurologist's evaluation would work, and had an appointment for 1 week later.

It took Joey 20 minutes to write the same four sentences as his classmate.

When we went to the neurologist I kind of had my own ideas of what might be going on with Joey, but kept them to myself. I didn't want to sway the doctor and was curious to see if she saw the same "symptoms" I did. Papa & Grandma watched the other boys so just Joey and I could go to the appointment, I didn't want the boys' "helping" to interfere with the doctors observations. By the end of the appointment the doctor had come to the same conclusion as I, and Joey was diagnosed with ADHD and "possibly" Autism Spectrum Disorder. She said that Joey is definitely on the spectrum but wanted a neuropsycological test for a clearer diagnosis. She said that he is high functioning and is leaning more towards Asperger Syndrome but to see the neuropsycologist. We were also given a script for behavioral therapy and occupational therapy. She suggested that they he may also have disgraphia. After doing some research on what Disgraphia is, I have to say I agree with her. She also told me not to put him back on the medication he was taking, due to the sleeping issues it was obviously not working properly for him.

*Disgraphia is learning disability that effects writing. Often times, and in Joey's case, writing is illegible and the spacing between letters and words is not consistent. Even he has a hard time reading his own writing. Having to write for extended amounts of time cause him pain in his hands and fatigue. He has a very difficult time with spelling and still reverses letters. He has a hard time getting his thoughts onto paper and often times leave words or sentences unfinished.

Joey and I had talked about what "possibly" being autistic meant and what the chances were that he actually had autism. We are very blessed to know people with a different range of abilities, including two who are on different sides of the Autism Spectrum. We have my nephew Matthew whom had lived with us for a year about a year ago and is mildly autistic and our friend "E" who has aspergers. My boys have also been exposed to kids on the spectrum that ranged from severe to mild autism when we use to take Matthew for his therapies. Joey accepted the news of his diagnoses very well. Having a reference point of "E" really helped him see what characteristics of Asperger Syndrome he has. He didn't see himself as "autistic like Matthew" who has more behavioral issues than "E". I knew he would be fine with a diagnosis of Asperger, when I told him "Yep, it would make you an "Aspie" like "E" and he replied "That's because I'm aspie-lutely awesome!! :D Hey, if they say I have Aspergers will you make me a shirt that says that!"

Joey is on the waiting list for occupational therapy at the same facility I took Matthew to. Fingers crossed that we won't have to wait long. Joey is really excited to start therapy, he has already seen the "rewards" for working hard. From things I have been hearing, I may need to do some research on how to get him the behavioral therapy as our insurance may not cover it.

This all took place two weeks before the start of school and we won't have our first appointment with the neuro-psychologist until 2 weeks after school starts. So I was very anxious about sending to school without medication of any kind. Since first grade he has always been on one med or another. I was worried about how the other students would view Joey, would they see him as quirky and weird or think that he was trying to be the class clown or rebel. The first few weeks is when everyone is starting to figure out who to hang out with and who to avoid. There wasn't much I could do to help Joey make a "good" first impression. We talked about what behaviors would be acceptable, but talking about them and him following through are two totally different things.

His first day was only a half day (3.5 hours) and he didn't get much sleep the night before because of Jacob's trip to the ER. He did beautifully though!! He walked into class noticed the directions on the board and got right to work finding his way around the room. The second day though, his teacher got to see Joey as he normally acts (not that he was misbehaving). He had a bumpy start and dug in his heels about getting a particular assignment done. He needed a few reminders to stay on task but as the day progressed he controlled himself better.
*Currently Joey does not have a 504 or IEP in place. We are waiting until after the evaluation to determine what accommodations he may need.

I will keep everyone updated on as we get a clear look at what all is going on with Joey. Until then prayers for him to have successful days in school and to get into therapy quickly would be greatly appreciated.

School Daze

I know my title seems like so many others as all the kiddos get back to school, but this year that title is literally how our school year started of for me. I've been awake for roughly 25 hours straight, so when I dropped my boys off for their first day back to school I was in a daze. (I still am, so don't hold me accountable for spelling or grammar errors.) Last night was pretty much the same as it is for us every year; I double checked that all their supplies were in their packs (and labeled), clothes were laid out, alarm clocks were set, the boys were in bed earlier and had muffins baking for the morning. We were all ready and eager to begin another school year. Then thing took a turn I had not expected.

Yesterday Jacob had his first ever soccer game. He and his team had played well. They didn't win, but they played hard. Jacob hadn't expected so much running and with his allergies kicking in, he started to get a bit wheezy. No big deal, we've dealt with this before a quick breathing treatment and he'd be as good as new. He had been too nervous before his game to eat, so after his treatment we celebrated his first game with pizza. Then spent some downtime watching tv before preparing for school the next day. All the kiddos were in bed and all the "school stuff" taken care of, I went to visit with a friend across the street for a bit. As we chatted time got away from us (as it often does) and around midnight we called it a night. I peeked in on my boys before heading to bed and noticed that Jacob was starting to get wheezy again. I really didn't want to wake him, he had an exciting day ahead of him so I went to lay down. I had this nagging feeling to check on him that could not be quieted. I went back and watched my sweet child sleeping. His body was working harder than it should have to breathe and out came the breathing treatment again. I knew it was necessary but felt so bad watching him fight to stay awake enough to sit up for the treatment. Knowing he had his treatment that he would be able to rest more peacefully I went back to bed, it was one in the morning and I had to be up early. There was that feeling again that something just wasn't right, I had to check on him again. When I went to him his breathing hadn't got any better. I stood there on the ladder of the bunk bed for at least a half hour watching the way his chest moved and comparing it with the way his brother's was moving. His breaths were to shallow and to quick and his heart was racing. To reassure myself that he was fine, I woke my poor baby up and had him come sleep in my bed so I could watch his breathing. By this time his tummy had started doing what I could only describe as "the worm" it wiggle up his chest with every breath than his body did this kind of twitch. I really started to panic, this happened last time when his oxygen levels had started dropping. I kept asking him if he was okay, and he kept telling me that he was tired. Hating to keep waking him due to my own paranoia I let to sleep but kept an eye on his breathing, something just didn't feel right. Then he woke and asked me to call the doctors because his chest was hurting really bad.

It was around 3:15 am so the only option was to call 911 and they were here in less than five minutes. They said that he needed to go to the hospital. I called Papa waking him up at 3:30 in the morning to have him come watch my other boys so I could follow the ambulance. Papa doesn't live real close by and we couldn't sit and wait until he got here. I called my friend and she woke up her kids and came straight here. (I have the best friends ever <3). She stayed until Papa got here then had to get to work and her own kids off to school. I swear the scariest thing I have ever seen is one of my kids in the back of an ambulance.

Jacob and I spent the next 3 hours in the hospital while they helped return his breathing to normal. I was still too shook up to sleep, as he slept I watched his chest. While there we also learned he had a double ear infection he hadn't complained about. We were sent home with a steroid, a script for his treatments, and an antibiotic.

While I wasn't sleeping at the hospital, Papa and Joey weren't getting any rest at my house either. I learned when we got home that Joey had been awake since the paramedics were at our house. He was all wound up between worrying about his brother and school starting in only a few short hours. Jordan was able to sleep until about 6 when Joey woke him thinking he needed to be at school by 7. Jordan was baffled that Papa was there as he had slept through all the events of the happened.

We made it home from the hospital just in time for me to run Jordan to school. Papa stayed to watch the boys for me seems they were wide awake. Papa headed back to his house (hopefully to get some sleep) as the younger boys were getting ready to leave for school.

While we had had a rather eventful night Jacob insisted on attending the first day of school, it's only a half day. My baby was safe and acting like himself so I let him go to school. We still managed to keep our tradition of first day pictures and mom seeing them off to school. For the younger two it also include seeing them to their classroom doors.

A huge thank you to Papa and to my friend Krystal for being there when we needed you!! You truly are blessings to us.

8th grade

3rd grade

4th grade

Getting Invovled At The School

I finally found a way to help out at the younger boys' school. I have been trying since the beginning of the year. Every time there was a class party I would volunteer and was shot down because "we already have it covered". I'm use to being in both of their classes helping with parties or anything else the teacher's needed. I often brought things home to work on like tracing or cutting out items for crafts for the class, counting box tops. I even helped out in classes I didn't have any kids in. I was everywhere, helping everyone and loving every minute of it (mostly).

Much like the boys being new and having to make new connections with people and getting involved in activities, I needed to do the same. I hadn't been included, but not from lack of effort on my end. Finally yesterday I spoke with the secretary (they always know what's going on in the school) and she managed to me set up with the PTG (Parent Teacher Group) who could use a hand with another book fair, that just so happened to be going on this week. I spent 7 hours in the school library getting to know some of the other parent helpers and how things run at the school. (Some of the things really confused me, but it seems to work for them). I also was able to interact with many students including putting some more faces to names of the kids the boys talk about. I was there all week, everyday, the whole day helping out for the whole week. I've gotta tell you it feels great getting back in the habit of helping out and meeting new people.

It does feel kind of weird to be the one learning the ropes instead of teaching the ropes. I have been welcomed with open arms (as far as I can tell), hopefully I can get into the "inner circle" of the parent volunteers, where I'm use to being.

Having been the "new parent" and trying to show that I was willing to be involved in the events that happen at my kids school and being greeted with fake smiles of "we'll call you when we have something for you", I have been reflecting on how a treated the "new parents" when I was over involved at our old school. I was just like the moms at our school, I had a group of other parents that I preferred to work beside and we unintentionally rejected the new recruits. Understandably after you have worked every class party with the same handful of parents, you ban together and at the being of the year stake your claim as a group for all class parties. After all you know each other and know how to work together, why have to "teach" someone new the way we do things when we can just handle it ourselves.

I am guilty of being the parent that signed up for every party, fieldtrip, "teacher's helper", after school opportunity there was. I was running myself ragged trying to be part of everything, but early in the year "we" (the group of use that helped with everything together) had chased away new parents who could have lightened our loads. Between working at the school and volunteering for everything (also being volunteered for everything; the teachers know those of us who never say no) I was so stressed and trying to juggle too many things while having my hands full with four boys at home. Eventually I had to step down and pass the reins of the "Friday Popcorn Popper". That sure was hard, there was one parent who was not going to let us push her out of helping. I had been "stuck" working beside her a couple times and she drove me bonkers!!! We'd show her what to do and this lady just could not do it the way we always had done things. Really our way had worked for years. I was not happy when I stepped down from doing popcorn that this lady had stepped up. To tell you the truth for how angry I was about having someone new volunteering it took a weight off my shoulders and I was able to give more attention to the numerous other things I have signed up for. I'm sure she ran the popcorn her own way, honestly I couldn't tell you how she ran it I was so busy with other things I was just grateful that someone (anyone really) was taking care of Popcorn Fridays.

The point is while I was great at all I did (if I do say so myself) and different people stepped up and did things a different way or I missed out the class Halloween party so another parent could be there. That things did get done and the kids were able to enjoy whatever function the school was putting on.

It's hard to be the new parent and getting use to the school, the rules, and trying to get involved with the different events the school offers. Being met with resistance, many parents buckle and end up missing out on these special events. We volunteer because we care and want to have the memories and for our children to have the memories of our being involved. Yes we may have a certain way we do things and people we prefer to work beside, but with new parents may come new ideas (and can left some of the burden you placed upon yourself). New to the school parents also want to have to special memories and also care. Parent volunteers are awesome at what we do, but we have to remember to give other the opportunity to be awesome too.

Getting Back To Routine

Looks like things are getting back to routine now. I think (hope) we are past the below freezing temperatures and our school routine is returning. I have never written about the weather more, than I have the last couple weeks. Everything feels like a fresh start, especially with today's warmer weather, it's 29 degrees. It's the beginning of the second semester, so for Jordan that means a new schedule. Basketball is over (with the exception of one snow day makeup game) which will free up 3 nights a week.

We made a "human snowflake".
Our friends at Homeschool Camper
did this a couple weeks ago.

We are relishing in the "warm" temps, Jordan and I started up our one-on-one walks after school again today. During basketball season this time spent together was replaced with practices and games. I feel like we lose some of our connection during basketball, I love having this time to just to talk with him. This is a small window of time that he doesn't have to share mom with his brothers. Mostly we talk about his day and what's going on with him. During our walks I get to hear his views on different subjects and we discuss things that are happening in the news. I cherish this time with just Jordan, as he often feels his thoughts aren't heard when his brothers are around. I get to focus on Jordan and what's important to him, without interruptions. Our walks aren't serious mother/son talks, although sometimes that happens. We walk, talk, joke, and try edging each other off the sidewalk. It's just an hour a day that I'm more friend than Mom. Usually on our walks I learn things about Jordan I don't think he would have shared with me otherwise.


We "cheated" and looked up his new schedule on the school site last night. His team sports has been replaced with gym/health and he has a couple different teacher this time. He had a teacher last semester he really got along with, until he allowed the others kids to taint his views on the teacher. This time around he has that teacher for two classes. Personally I'm glad, I think the teacher is a fair teacher. He worked with Jordan when his grades started slipping and was good about keeping me informed when Jordan was slacking off. Jordan and I talked (during our walk) about making his own judgment of the teacher regardless of how the other kids feel. I had expressed my feeling toward the Common Core Curriculum with this teacher and he agreed that Jordan could do his lessons the way we have been doing them as long as he could explain how he came upon his answers and he would not lose points for it. It's my hope that Jordan will focus on the class and not his buddies thoughts of the teacher. I know, easier said than done for a teenager, when you're buddies opinions mean a lot to you.

Having a more freed up schedule without basketball, we have returned to our supplement math and reading after school. We had tried to keep it in place the last couple months, but with everyone's busy schedules it became too stressful for all of us and we felt very rushed. The younger boys scouting events are slowing down a bit too as we approach their "bridging over". The amount of activities to be completed has shorten drastically. We all welcomed the return of our online lessons and one-on-one work time with mom.

With so much time recently spent away from school (and maybe partly the beginning of a new semester) the younger boys are very excited to be back in school and have been working diligently to keep their assignment and grades up.



While excited to be back in school, they couldn't wait to get released today. I promised them some outside time. We had a small detour before they headed out into the snow, they didn't mind much. Both of their glasses came in today. Once home they couldn't get their snow clothes on fast enough. We're pushing dinner back a bit so they can stay out until it gets dark. We have not been outside to just play in almost 3 weeks. They really needed this time to run and play (and burn off some energy). Looks like we might get to head back outside again tomorrow too. With cabin fever almost creeping into our house, I'm very grateful for this outside time.

Back to Brown Bagging Lunches

As you can see from the multiple pictures I share of my boys, none of them are by any means fat. Those who know me personally know I often worry that they are too thin. However since the beginning of the school all 3 have been packing on the pounds. For my older two this is great (Jordan was almost 13 before he finally reached 100 lbs.) but I don't think they are gaining weight in a positive way. My Jacob has recently had to switch over to husky for his pants sizes. I know part of his gain is from his CVS. He is also a lot like me and craves sodium rich foods. They aren't big eaters and have (mostly) healthy snacks. I think the culprit is their school lunches. I have noticed most of their classmates are also on the "huskier side".

I know Michele Obama has set in place for healthier school lunches, but are they really that healthy. I do love that the junk foods are not in the vending machines and that students can no longer buy pop during school hours. What is really in our kids' lunches. The fruit they get comes out of huge cans, it's not fresh fruit and it's overly processed. Same with the cooked veggies; out of the can, warmed up , and handed out. Having worked as a lunch lady I can reassure you your child is not eating the cooked veggies they are served. The number of times pizza is served amazes me, for my younger guys the 3 weeks of school this month there'll be pizza 4 times; Jordan has the option to have pizza everyday for lunch. Looking at their menu, it's high starch, loaded with sugars and dyes. Three days this month the hot lunchers get an "extra" treat of a cookie or a bag of chips (I have seen last June's menu where they received cotton candy). The "extra treats" are not on days kids most likely would pass on the lunch; they're on pizza day, chocolate chip Eggo waffle day, and Chef Boyardee ravioli day.

Our elementary school does have alternatives, the students can get yogurt or salad as their main dish. Jacob has done this a few times when the main dish was something he couldn't eat. I like that there is an option. The salads vary day to day, chicken, taco, turkey, etc. but who want to eat salad everyday (I've tried it, it gets old fast). My boys don't like that everything is mixed together, on taco salad day Jacob can't get it unless he want to risk eating the cheese. The yogurt sound like a good option except its a 4 ounce sized Danimal yogurt; that's it, their main part of lunch is basically sugar.

Point being; while hot lunch is a great option for some, it does not work for us. After really looking at the menu and looking at what my kids are really eating, no wonder it is effecting their weight. No wonder all these kid seem like they are bouncing off the walls; they consume so much junk then crash, with the crash comes the moodiness and not wanting to do their work.

We have opted for brown bagging it everyday again. My boys LOVE pizza so once or twice a month they'll grab a pizza lunch from school. This way I know what they are eating and that they will have things in their lunch that they will actually eat. When they have "fresh" fruit/veggies it will be fresh from the produce department, not a can. Also they will get a larger variety of food, the hot lunch menu consist of rotating pizza (and Bosco sticks) , waffles and variations chicken (chicken rings, chicken nuggets, chicken tenders, popcorn chicken, southern chicken) with the occasional hot dog or corn dog tossed in there once or twice.

I am not one of those all organic only eat healthy foods kind of mom, although I try most of the time.
I try to teach to boys to be aware of what they put in their bodies. Not that I want them counting calories or anything like that. Just to understand which food help their bodies work more efficiently and what will bog them down. We read labels, try to keep things in moderation, and try to keep active after some "not so good for you foods". We eat food that's not good for our bodies, Heck we've even had pizza twice in one week due to crazy schedules. I love cookies and sweets (as do the boys), and don't deprive us of them. I think the key to teach balance between which fatty unhealthy foods you eat, how much, and how often.

*While the younger ones are taking lunches everyday, Jordan has chose to continue getting hot lunches. I have to trust that he's making the right choices, I can't always be there to tell him to take carrot sticks instead of two cookies.

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Tuesday Tantrum - The Drop-off

I just need to vent. Its one of those things that if it happened occasionally I could deal with it, but it happens every morning Monday through Friday; and yet I am always surprised that it happens. My boys attend a public school, although I hear this is an issue parents deal with at all types of different schools.

I'm talking about the morning drop off policy. Most days I think I'm the only one who has read them. On paper they sound great, it should keep things moving smoothly. There is one way in and one way out. The drop off line is clearly marked as are the safety zones for the students to walk in. They even have it marked off as to where to pull up so multiple families can drop off their children at once. Sounds great doesn't it. They have taken all the thought out of it. Pull up behind the car in front of you, let your child out and be on your way.

This is not what happens when I drop my boys off, I would love it if it did. Instead every single car feels the need  to stop in the safety zone directly in front of the door. Granted some parents get impatient with this and let their children out four or five car lengths behind the offending caring, but that leaves the children to walk between the other cars waiting to get in front of the door.

Once the offending car gets in front of the door little Tommy doesn't jump out. Oh No, he had no clue it was their turn and now needs to gather his belongings. Once little Tommy is out of the car the mom (or dad) rolls down the window and reminds little Tommy of things he needs to know for that day. While little Tommy and his mom have taken a good 2-3 minutes in front of the door, there is a line of approximately 15 cars still waiting for their turn to stop in the safety zone. Just to top things off, the parent then has to sit and watch little Tommy walk the four feet into the building. UGH! It drives me bonkers!

Not to brag, but I give my boys a heads up with a "hey, we're going to school" starting when they grab their backpacks. So they are not surprised once we get to the school. Once we're in the dreaded drop off line I tell them to grab their stuff, although they know it will still be a couple minutes before they will actually get out. I try to use the drive to school to give them any reminders they may need for the day. ("Remember this week you're goal is not to talk when your work isn't finished"). I end up letting my boys out of the van even though we're not in the safety zone or proper drop off zone, but are right behind little Tommy. On the occasions that little Tommy's car moves before I let my boys out, I pull all the way down to drop off marker and have my boys walk the safety zone to the door; you know lead by example. Yeah, that's as great in theory as the policy itself; little Suzy's mom then takes advantage of the spot I left open right in front of the door and starts her 2-3 minute ritual. I can't seem to win for losing.

If you are like Little Tommy's parent, could you please do the rest of us a favor that would make our morning run a bit smoother.
Just some helpful hints.

Pull up to the end of the line, so we can all drop off our kids. The couple extra feet they have to walk isn't going to exhaust them before class.

Directly in front of the door is suppose to be a No Standing Zone so kids whose parents walk them into the building can get there safely.

Try to have your child be ready to exit your car; backpacks for a great way to keep all their school stuff together and are easier to carry them an armful of papers and band equipment.

Talk to you kids on the way to school, tell them then that Grandma will be picking them up, or put a reminder note in their lunch box or backpack.

If you are concerned that your child can not walk safely into the building on their own, please park (in the designated spots) and walk your child into the building.

Just a side note, please correct me if I have been misinformed. When there is only one exit, if you chose to turn left you stay to the left side of the driveway. Also turn signals would be nice when used by the people who sit in the center of the driveway.

Anyone else have to deal with drop off issues like this? Is it just me? Did I read them wrong and have been getting unjustly upset by everyone else doing what they are suppose to do?

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Do As I Say, Not as I Did

Since it's the time most parents are receiving report cards and attending parent/teacher conferences I thought this was fitting.

Yesterday, while at my parents my mom came across a file with all my school records. She saved everything progress reports, report cards, and disciplinary notices. I know I was beyond rotten when I was in middle school, that's why I wouldn't tell Jordan about my middle school experience (well, not until he was in high school). Time has changed my memories of what I really was like. I could have swore that I got my act together before high school, my file says differently. Jordan was really intrigued by my report cards since I'm a stickler about their grades. He couldn't believe that every year I had barely squeaked by to pass. He told me (bless his heart), "Mom, I' m really disappointed with you. You really needed to apply yourself." I was shocked by how often I spent time in the principal's office and in school suspension, after seeing the notices I remember. I also forgot about attending summer school, because I was too cool to actually go to class during the school year. It was neat and somewhat embarrassing to share my adolescent school experience with my boys. They were shocked both at how I behaved and what my grades were. They pointed out that if I had been my kid, I would have been in SO MUCH trouble (LOL).

Last week I had conferences for my boys and received their report cards. I keep pretty good tabs on both their behavior and their grades, so not much the teachers tell me isn't something I wasn't expecting. We have a practice that the boys tell me what they think their teachers will be telling me once I see them, which helps me prepare for any other surprises the teachers might drop on me. Also gives me the chance to address any issues the boys' had expressed. All my boys are doing good so far (some more than others). Most of the teachers' comments I expect, and can relate to what my boys are doing in class.

After seeing my report cards it was ironic to hear the same comments from my kids' teacher as my mother heard about me. I must not have mastered those skills well enough to pass them on to my boys. All four of us got comments such as: Very talkative (For those who know me, know how true this is), disrupts other students (how else are we suppose to get them to listen to us talk), does not turn in assignments on time (we do them, just forget to turn them in), shows eagerness to learn, very help, helpful to other students, positive attitude (except for mine in middle school), participates in class discussions.

I want better for my kids, than I gave myself. They are right middle school Me would have been in so much trouble if I was my child. I expect a lot of my boys, but they always reach (and sometimes exceed) my expectations.  I took discovering my old school records as a teachable moment to explain how they do in school and how they act now is so important. That I want them to learn to care about their own grades and attitudes, because I didn't when I was younger and it reflects in those reports. Do as I say, not as I did. I wish I had done better when I was younger, cared more, fought everyone less; but it is what is. Now it's up to me for help my kiddos learned the skills they need to be successful in school.

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