Social Awareness Can Totally Suck

Social Awareness: understanding how you react to different social situations, and effectively modify your interactions with others so you achieve the best result.

I was going to write about how social awareness really sucks some times, when I noticed I already had a draft saved titled "Social Awareness Sucks" from just over a year ago. Seems we have come full circle. We are at a different level of sucky-ness than when I wrote the first draft. When I wrote the first draft my heart was so broken for Joey, which is why I never finished the post. It still really breaks my heart when I think back to that time.

Let me start by saying that I have always admired Joey's ability to do what he enjoys without fear of what others might think of him. He had always been content to do his own thing even if he was doing it alone. Also, let me say kids can be so mean!

Joey's lack of social awareness was a bittersweet blessing, it protected him from the cruelty of his classmates. While he was content to do his own thing, he wanted nothing more that to have friends and be included. He tried so hard and did everything he should have to make friends, but he was already written off as the "weird kid". He was deemed one of the weird ones because of he couldn't sit still and talked too much, his behavior when he was frustrated with his school work, and because he wrote/colored like a kindergartner (dysgraphia).  Every day he tried to engage his classmates, every day he was rebuffed by them. I was shattered the day he told me about the game he got played with his "friends", it was called "Joey Can't Play". He explained it that he goes to different groups of kids and tries to join whatever game they are playing and they find different ways to make it look like he was playing but he wasn't actually allowed to play. He had the biggest smile on his face when he told me too. To him this was his way to be included. The blessing part of this, he had no idea that kids were being cruel and counted every single kid in his class as his friend. Having to talk to him about how his "friends" weren't really his friends, was one of the more difficult conversations I've had to have with him.

Fast forward a couple months and a new medication change, Joey hits the beginnings of social awareness. He comes home from school with the realization that everyone hates him. He sits by the wall all recess or on the"Buddy Bench" (the bench for when you're looking for someone willing to play with you). His class had instituted "The Joey Touch" and it had started to overflow to the rest of the grade during lunches. Everyone groaned and tried to switch partners when paired up with him. He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong to make everyone dislike him. The more he tried to act like everyone else the more the pushed him away. They were even setting him up to get in trouble, they would invite him to play tag then tell the recess monitors that he was chasing them (the school social worker was able to actually witness this a few times).

Beginning of 5th grade, we saw the grace of social awareness, although he still struggled to be liked by his peers. He curbed some of his quirky ways while at school. When he talked to peers he stayed mostly on their topic. He focused on finding just one or two kids to be friends with. He stayed away from the kids who were being mean or rude to him. He tried reverse psychology on them per my request just to see what would happen. He stopped chasing the girls at recess when they asked, he'd walk up to a group of kids playing a game ask what they were doing then walk away uninterested. Slowly the kids started noticing that Joey wasn't trying to be included and started finding ways to include themselves in what he was doing. I'm so grateful that worked in our favor, we had a 50/50 shot of that actually working. He was less frustrated with his school work due to finally finding a medication that worked for him. His teacher was awesome and did a lot of class work together; as his peers started realize Joey's really smart and has really good ideas they stopped complaining when they were paired up with him.

That brings us to now, end of 5th grade beginning of 6th grade. He has a pretty good handle on what the social norms are. He still has areas he needs to work on but has made amazing progress, and I'm so proud of him. He has a couple friends and talks at least in passing to most of the kids. He's so afraid to be singled out as the weird kid again. He doesn't want to do anything that might cause his peers to think he's different from them. He doesn't want any accommodations that help him with his school work (like going to the resource room during tests) or teachers checking that he has any homework packed to be taken home. He understands that everything we put in place is to help make life easier on him and is meant to be temporary, but he doesn't want to be different anymore. As of right now we have no modifications or accommodations in place.

His being wary of what being different has overflowed to outside of school also. He doesn't want to take his ADHD medication and refuses to cooperate at occupational therapy. Yesterday I was called back at OT because Joey refused to do any of the exercises and literally had the OT chasing him wall to wall. Once I was back there he stood arms crossed and refused to do what he was asked until I threatened to take one of his privileges away. His reasoning he's not autistic like the other kids who go there (granted majority of the kids who also go the therapy center are more severely autistic), and it makes him feel like we think of him as "autistic like them". I have sat down and talk with Joey about why he needs his medication and therapy many times; he knows he needs both, but doesn't want to need them. He doesn't want to be different anymore.

A Very Educational Field Trip

Yesterday, I finally was able to help out with Joey's class. There was a field trip to a hands-on science center, the historical museum, and the state capital all scheduled back-to-back. I was torn if I should go on the field trip or not; I love being there with my boys watching them learn new things and connecting what they've learned with things they see at the museums, but I'm trying to step back and allow them some independence. With all the problems Joey has had with his teacher this year I figured it might be easier on Joey if I was there as a buffer. Plus Joey really wanted me to go as this was their first field trip. I arranged for Papa to stay the night so he could get up early and get Jacob off to school, and he also needed to collect Jordan and Jacob from school as our bus was not due back to the school until 5pm.

With Papa staying the night there wasn't much sleep happening the night before. There was some hurt feeling about who's room Papa slept in and everyone woke up way too early just knowing Papa was in the house. Joey and I needed to be at the school and hour early so we dropped Jordan off at school on our way (per his regular drop off time).

Once in the class I was assigned my group that include to high energy boys besides Joey. (I don't know why I always get all the "high energy" kids, guess the teacher figure I'd know how to handle them.) One of my group was home sick that day, which left me with Joey and a boy I knew from when Joey was in cub scouts. I had been expecting one of the school bus style buses, but instead we had a nice cozy travel bus. Shortly after we left the school, we're talking 15-20 minutes, a lovely Michigan style icy/snowy/rainy mix fell full force from the skies. Thankfully the teachers had been prepared for our2+ hour travel time and had movies they played on the bus. The movies didn't help much as 60 kids per bus were excited about the field trip and were noisily chatting amongst themselves. Also there was the added joy of retractable footrests on the back of every chair. These footrests became quiet the headache for the parents on the bus as the kids being 10/11 years old were unable to adjust the footrest only once. They spent the entire ride to in from the capital readjusting the footrests that made the noise of crinkling plastic every time they were moved. After 2 hours on the bus, the teacher in charge of our bus informed us that due to the weather we would not be stopping at the hands-on science center as we still had another hour drive to get there. A lot of the kids were disappointed, honestly so was I. It was a center I had planned taking my boys too and want to get a feel for the place.

Finally we reach our detestation just in time for our 11:30 lunch break. After getting all 100+ kids fed and through the gift shop at the Historical museum, we started our tour. Only we lost our tour guide once we got off the elevator. Supposedly there was suppose to be someone to meet us on the second floor, after waiting a few minutes the teachers gathered their class as lead their own tours.

During our field trip, I quickly was able to see how Joey's classmates intact with him and I wasn't too happy about it. Just about every child hovers around him telling him what not to do. Don't touch that. Stop making noise. You can't stand there. I actually got to the point with one little girl that I asked her if she was his mother, when she answered no, I informed her that I was and would handle Joey. They just didn't let up on the poor kid. He didn't have to even be doing anything wrong and they were correcting him. At almost the end of our time at the Historical museum Joey was on sensory overload and I walked him away from the group so he could regroup. No sooner we turned the corner and 30 kids were squawking that "Joey went up the stairs!" His teacher had even called me to reassure that I was with him. I had the other child in my "group" within my sights the whole time I had Joey away from the group. While the historical museum is a really neat place, there wasn't much the kids were allowed to manipulate and got a bit boring to most of them. (still better than sitting in class all day though).

Once we had seen all there was to see at the museum we were bussed over to our Capital building. Again the kids were not allowed to touch anything and they were all getting restless and having a hard time keeping their hands still. Our time at the Capital passed rather quickly. The guide we had was very good and shared a lot of information, not that I think the kids retained much of it.

Then it was time to get back on the bus to watch movies and crinkle the footrests for another few hours. Over all we spent more time on the buses than we did at the places we were to visit. A total of 6 hours on the bus and 4 hours walking around. We finally reached the school at 6 pm, where the parents found their vehicles encased Michigan's wonderful wintery mix. It was a very long day, but I had been very educational. I learned just as much about our state as I did about why Joey complains so much about disliking school.

While it really bothered me to see how the other students treated Joey, I was so glad I was there as a buffer and to get a better understanding of his feeling towards his classmates and teacher.

My Child, The Walking Alphabet

I love that I know my child so well that when we go to evaluation such as the on with the psycho-neurologist that there isn't too many surprises in store for me. The results of the screening done by the psycho-neurologist were pretty close to the finding of the screening done by the school. There were a couple things however that I was surprises by, like Joey is not nearly as impulsive as I thought.

Joey was inconsistent with eye contact throughout the tests. He was overly talkative, physical overactive (swaying in his chair, playing with paperclips and pens), and easily distracted (although there was very little in to screening room that could be a distraction). He tested slightly lower than grade level on his IQ test, with the exception in regards to language which he scored slightly higher than average. They noted the difficulties Joey had with fine motor skills. His scores were in the extremely low range, regardless of which hand was used. His ability to sustain attention was also in the extremely low range. Surprisingly his scores in impulsivity were within the average range.

Joey's behavior was also measured. He was rated as borderline clinical range for rule-breaking behavior as well as clinically significant for social problems, thought problems, attention problems, and aggressive behavior. On the subscale tests he was rated as clinically significant for affective problems, ADHD problems, Oppositional-defiant (ODD) problems, and conduct problems.

Sure makes it sound like my kid has a lot of problems, doesn't it! Joey's official diagnosis as it stands now is : Attention-deficict/hyperactivity disorder, combined presentation; Social Communication Disorder; Developmental Coordination Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, NOS; Disruptive Behavior Disorder, NOS
(NOS stand for not otherwise specified)

When we went in for the testing he only had ADHD and possibly Aspergers.
 The Psycho-neurologist did not rule out the possibility of Joey having Aspergers, he feels most of Joey's social problems are due to the severity of his ADHD. After addressing the behavior issues we can then re evaluate for Aspergers.

I was told to take out copy of the feedback report to the neurologist and she would determine what, if any, medication Joey would need. I tried explained that she had already told me that if Joey needed medication that I would have to get it through the psycho-neuroligist, he kind of fluffed me off and said that she would once she seen the report.

SO, Joey not on medication currently. He had expressed that he does not want to go back on medications of any kind. We're giving a go and if things don't improve I'll have to look into medications for him.

We Have A Plan!!

Last Wednesday I met with the school's principal, school psychologist, Joey's teacher, the resource teacher, and even the district's special education director. I've gotta tell you, honestly I was so scared to go into the meeting. I had done my research and knew what to expect. I had researched what accommodations and modifications may be helpful for Joey. I had already met everyone who would be attending the meeting, with the exception to the special ed director. What had me so intimidated was Joey's teacher. She has always seem stand-offish and I had some things I wanted to call her out on. I'm not really a confrontational kind of person, but there were some things I couldn't let go unsaid.

There wasn't much about the results of the evaluation and IQ test that I hadn't expected to hear. Joey is very smart, if you can get him to stop bopping around long enough to do the work. His spelling and handwriting were below grade level, but we already knew that. They had Joey's teacher address her thoughts first, as she had a limited time before having to get her class from art. She kind of gave off the vibe that Joey is the way he is, he'll always be that way, and there isn't much any of us can do the change that. Other than to list off the a bunch of negatives, she didn't have much to say. The Special Ed director and the psychologist tried helping her out by asking about various ways she may have accommodated Joey. After a lot of replies of "No, I never tried that.", "If he would just...", "That wouldn't work.", "If I did that I would have to..." It was apparent to everyone that other than get him a "bucket seat" the day before she hasn't done much to help Joey out. I was surprised when the psychologist started asking his teacher what she would want another teacher to know about Joey, I think she was shocked by this too. I knew she wasn't doing anything to make school easier on Joey, but to have the others realize that I wasn't just being a squeaky wheel over nothing was a huge weigh lifted.

Now was my turn to address his teacher. We (and by that I mean I) implemented, Joey needs to chew gum during class. That not only does it help stop him from chewing on pencils and his shirt, it helps him maintain his focus. I bought and sent in a pack of dye-free, sugar-free gum a month ago, there was only 18 sticks in the pack. Given that Joey should be using 1-2 pieces a day, I should have heard by now that he needs another pack of gum. Joey has told me that he has asked for the gum and she has told him no he couldn't have it. She told me that she only gives it to him when he asks and he hasn't really asked for it. It was the resource teacher that put me at ease and said sometimes when the kids know the option is available they don't need it, that just knowing it's there is comforting to them. My next concern was his darn spelling tests. As soon as I mentioned spelling tests she (the teacher) said "I don't mark him down for his handwriting errors." That's what she had told me before, but yet the 5 most recent spelling test I pulled out of my file (and many more like it were at home) had multiple words marked wrong because of handwriting. The special ed guy asked if maybe Joey could use an Alpha-smart for his spelling tests. Which gave me the perfect opportunity to mention, "Joey says that Alpha-smart is new and his teacher won't let him use it, because he may break it." His teacher just shook her head in disapproval. Again it was the resource teacher who problem solved with us, due to the way the spelling tests are set up it would be confusing for Joey to use the Alpha-smart. Special  Ed guy suggested that maybe the teacher could make a set up table on Joey's paper for him. She sighs and says she wouldn't know how to do that (of give me a break, I could do that and send it in every Friday), so the PRINCIPAL volunteered to print up a spelling table paper from Joey every week. By this time it was almost time for Joey's teacher to head back to class, so it was now or never time voice my major issues with his teacher. Joey loves hugs and cuddles, but can not stand being "restrained" even just holding his hand if he doesn't initiation it, will have him struggling to "get free". He absolutely can not stand that his teacher will put her hand on his shoulder to get him to sit down or refocus, she knows it bothers him and that's why she does it. If she touches his shoulder he will sit just to get her to walk away. I had to ask that she find a different way to redirect him, this instantly puts him in defense mode. I also asked that though Joey can be so frustrating that its infuriating that she not talk down to him, especially in front of the class. Telling him to put the pencil on the paper and move it and it may actually make words or pictures isn't helpful and doesn't send a positive message to his classmates about how to treat Joey.

After his teacher left, things progress more quickly as a plan was set in place. Joey would now take his spelling tests in the resource room every week. He would also spend the first and last half hour of the day in the resource room. That way the resource teacher could pump him up for a great day and could review how each day went. Joey would still go to the resource room during the day as needed as he has been doing since the beginning of the school year. The resource teacher is also going make 2 cards for Joey to bring down to room when he comes so both she and him know why he's there. 1 card that says "work", so they know he's there for a quiet place to work or catch up on his work. The other card will say "disruption", so she can help him decompress and refocus. The resource teacher says there have been times when Joey has come to her room all upset that he was in trouble again only to later learn that he was sent to complete an assignment. They are also moving his locker to one closer to the resource room, which will allow him an empty locker on either side of his, and he'll have more space. Joey will also see the school psychologist at least twice a month (maybe more) to work on his social skills.

Figuring out what accommodations were needed was rather easy. Most of the things from my list they already had on there. The few they didn't have, they added without much explaining from me. Most are standard things you'd expected for any kid struggling in school. Such as shortened assignments, frequent breaks, directions given both orally and written, seated near the teacher, allowing movement breaks, dictating his answers to a scribe, and use of a focus board/ study carrell. I was very pleased (however sad it needed to be in writing) that part of his IEP states he needs lots of feedback praise, especially from his general ed teacher.

After we had everything pretty much figured out, they called Joey into the office. He had been extremely anxious about our meeting and only got a couple hours of sleep that night. He walks in and plops himself in one of the chairs. Smiles nicely at everyone, they introduce him to the special ed guy as he's the only one Joey doesn't already know. They tell Joey that everyone has had a lot of nice things to say about him and how great he has been doing. Then in true Joey form, he asks the only question that had been on his mind, "So I am getting a different teacher?" There were a couple little snickers, before the school psychologist said that it's a good thing he brought that up that we still needed to talk about that. We gave Joey a general run down about what kind of changes where going to take place within a couple of days and seeing that he had physically relaxed we sent him back to class, with the promise that mom would let him know about the new teacher situation.

No new teacher (as of yet). The room I wanted to switch him to, has one of the few male teachers and is at its limit. The other 4th grade teacher has one of the only kids Joey gets along with in her class, and I'm afraid that it may put too much strain on the budding friendship if they were together the whole day, everyday. The principal said that it would be too much of a disruption to switch Joey's teachers, both in his classroom and whatever room Joey moves too. I offered to see how things go with the IEP in place for the remainder of the semester, but if there wasn't much improvement that I wanted Joey switched for the 2nd semester.

One of my concerns that wasn't discussed in detail is Joey's need for occupational therapy. The school is going to have their OT come in and evaluate Joey and see if he meets the school's criteria for the therapy.  Also the night before our meeting, I received a call from one of the therapy centers we were on the waiting list for and they finally have an opening for OT. We go on Wednesday for his evaluation there and should start OT therapy weekly soon after. I would love if Joey could be getting OT both at school and outside of school.

Everyone on our"team" brings something different to the table and see's Joey through different eyes. The general ed teacher, (boy, is she a piece of work) brings the view of how some of Joey's classmates see him. She sees him as the hyper, behavioral problem, who's mom wants special treatment for. Joey is just another trouble maker she has to deal with until the end of the school year. There is no way she is going to let this kid win, she is not going to do anymore than she has to for him. While saying I'm not a fan of hers is putting it (very) mildly, however she does present a great learning life lesson. I can get a clearer picture of what Joey's classmates may be feeling towards him. Also, I can enforce to Joey not everyone is going to like you, but you still have to figure out a way to make things work.

The resource teacher, seems to understand the challenges Joey is facing. She is in tune with what may work to help him, rather it be to help calm him down or help him refocus. While she "gets him", she lies down the law and does not allow Joey to make excuses for his behavior or allows him manipulate her. She has also been the "middle man" for the past couple months. She's the one who helps me better understand what Joey is like in the general ed class.

The school psychologist is unbiased in her observation of Joey. She sees that he has many issues to work through and many more behavior issues to work through. She also sees that Joey is used as a scapegoat. The other day on the playground she was watching Joey interact with his peers. Currently Joey is working on not chasing kids on the playground. After Joey came to say a quick hello to her, she sent him to off to play. She watched him play parallel with a group of girls. Then shortly after watched as Joey started chasing the girls around the playground equipment, these are some of the same girls who complain to the lunch aides almost daily about Joey chasing them. A quick reminder from the psychologist, in which all she did was call his name, and Joey smiled apologetically and stopped chasing the girls. It took the girls a  few minutes to realize that Joey was not still behind them, and they looked confused like "Where'd he go?"

The principal, I'm not real sure his role at this point. I think of him kind of the a guard dog. I know I scared him a bit when I requested an advocate be present at our first IEP meeting. Also that a couple months into school I sought him out to see about a change in teacher. I think he's there to keep the Mama Bears in check :)

I wanted to include about our visit to the psycho-neuro, but this post is much longer than I anticipated. I'll have to write it another time. My kiddos are begging for dinner :)

Update on Joey

I have been meaning to sit and write another update on what has been going on with Joey, but things keep happening and I push off the post so I can include everything. Well, this won't have everything included in it, as I have his first IEP meeting on Wednesday and we get the feedback from his psycho - neurological evaluation on Friday, but this will catch everyone up some.

A few weeks ago I was helping out in the boys' school's book fair. My boys were so excited I was there and could spend their lunch breaks with them. Halfway through the week Joey asked me to go outside for lunch recess with him and I told him I really needed to get back to the fair, I wish I would have went to recess with him. After being back at the fair for about 10 minutes I see Joey walking down the hall crying, he should have been at recess. When I went to see why he wasn't on the playground, he told me that he had to sit in the principal's office and wasn't allowed outside with the other kids. According to the story Joey told me he was chasing some girls around the playground and the girls collided. Both girls and two of their friends told the recess aid that Joey smacked one in the face and punch the other one. Joey does have his moments when he'll strike out, usually at his brothers, but never a girl. After the principal couldn't get Joey to change his story and confess to hitting the girls, the principal called the school psychologist in to get Joey to "tell the truth". Usually if you confront Joey a few times he'll back track and tell you the truth (if he is lying). The principal also pulled me from the book fair for a meeting about the zero tolerance policy. During our meeting that lasted over an hour Joey was left sitting and crying in the office thinking he was in trouble. The principal confessed that no one really knows what happened on the playground, for no adults seen what happened. They had 4 girls saying assaulted two of the girls and only him saying he didn't do it. They needed to have something to tell the parents of the girls, should they call and ask what was being done with the brute that targeted their sweet little angels. The school's solution was that Joey really should lose his recess for the remainder of the week, but due to his issues that they would allow Joey to have his 20 minutes of recess by himself after the other students have had theirs. They figured Joey would be more of a behavior problem if he was not able to release his extra energy. They called Joey into our meeting and explained that he would still have recess, just that he would have to have his by himself for the safety of the other students, but that he was not being punished. Sounded like a punishment to me, so for the next two days I met Joey on the playground so he would have someone to play with (seems it wasn't a punishment). I'm sorry, but no child is going to burn off energy playing by themselves. Joey still stands by his story that he did not hurt those girls; I believe him. This wouldn't be the first (or last) time Joey got blamed for something by his classmates, just so he would be told to stay away from them because he's weird.

During our meeting the principal and school psyc. advisedme that Joey needs to be on medication. They went so far as to recommend two medications that are not stimulants, because I told them (repeatedly) the stimulants don't work for Joey. It really irks me that these two people (along with his teacher) who have known my child for mere months think they can diagnose and recommend medications for my child. The school psychologist also mentioned that some of Joey's issues and aggression may be coming from home and the way his brothers interact with him! I'm trying to keep in mind that I'm "working with" these people to help my kid, but sometimes....

I said it in my last "Joey update" and I'll say it again medication is not ALWAYS the answer! I just had a conversation with the boys' doctor about the school's push to medicate Joey. There are many cases where the schools will not allow students back into class until the parents have the child on medication. So the parents put their kid on the meds the school (where no one has a medical degree) have told them to and the kid gets into the classroom and stabs the teacher with a pencil, when previously the kid was not violent. The side effects of these medication affect people differently.

I'm not ready to resort back to medications. Joey has been doing better physically without them. He actually can fall asleep within a reasonable amount of time and sleeps uninterrupted during the night. He has always had an appetite, but now he is actually gaining weight. He has been on medications for 5 years and still had the same behavioral problems he has now. Granted he sat still a bit more in class, but he wasn't retaining any of the information due to be exhausted from not sleeping. I'm looking into alternatives to medicines. When he was first diagnosed with ADHD I was told our option was medication. Now I know better, I have seen changes in him (as well as my other boys) from removing food dyes, that I didn't even know about until 2 years ago. Which got me thinking what other options are out there we haven't tried. I'm not saying that if he needs medications to help him function that I won't give them to him. I just want to run out any other methods before saying medications are the answer for him.

Two weeks ago I was a gas station and noticed a business called Life Balance across the street. Thinking it may be another place to try to get Joey in for his occupational and behavioral therapies I stopped in. (He's still on waiting lists at two different places) Turns out they do therapies, but just not the kind I thought. They are a brain balance center. While the receptionist explained how they go about balancing one's brain, I started thinking this is too good to be true. It's the simplest thing, my kid sits and plays a video game, reads a book, or whatever, and they put headphones on him. Through the sound waves and some computer it will find what ever imbalance my kid has and will corrected it by making the brain connections that his brain isn't doing on it's own. Here's the catch, it only has an 80% success rate and most people need 12-15 sessions. Each sessions is $100, and most insurance companies won't cover it!! I have heard some about Brain Gym sessions that are all over the place, my friend's son's Choi class offers them to their students. So there seems to be some science behind why this may work (some, but not enough for $100 per session). I vowed to look more into it.

That very same day, I came across a book at the library about brain balancing your child with ADHD, ADD, or Autism. The books claim was it could cure all this things and more. I didn't quite believe that it was going to cure Autism or ADD, but it was an opportunity to get a better understanding of this brain balancing thing is about. I've gotta give the author credit, it makes logical sense that in theory this could work to some degree. I filled out all the checklists and had Joey do the assessments. I figured we'd give it try, after all it was a library book and we could try it for free. While the theory behind it makes sense, some of the exercises don't seem like they would help much other than to get my kid doing regular exercises. How doing 45 sit-ups in a minute in going to balance my kid's brain is beyond me. While others I can see the connection to why they may "balance" my kids. I did learn some interesting things about Joey I never thought check, like his sense is smell is off. Which explains why he will eat weird concoctions of foods or eat just mustard if its on his plate. He's sense of smell effects the way foods taste. There are a series of exercises to do to strengthen his little sniffer. (Actually those exercises were a favorite amongst all my boys.) We are two weeks into the exercises the book recommended for Joey per the results of the checklists and assessments, the book says that he should be mostly if not completely "fixed" by the end of 12 weeks on the program. I'm not expecting to this thing to work as it claims, but it's worth a shot to see if there could be any improvements on Joey's behavior. I'll keep you updated on how well balanced our brains get :)
Joey can now after two weeks identify 9 different smells while blindfold when held 6 inches away from his nose. He has very recently started trying small amounts of new-to-him foods, and liking most of them. Otherwise I have haven't noticed any changes that make the think this could be the Holy Grail for Joey.

A week ago was suppose to be our first IEP meeting and after sending a email to the school psychologist, we decided to push back the meeting until after our neurology appointment. Our IEP was for 10:00 am and the neurology appointment was for 2:45 that same day. I had made phone calls the week prior to the neurology appt. to make sure that the feedback from the psycho-evaluation would be sent to the neurologist by our appt date. I was assured that the results were completed and would be available at our appt. Long story short, the results were not sent to the neurologist and Joey and I wasted over an hour for nothing. Only good thing that came from the appt was the Neuro. told me that she would not prescribe any medications for Joey that if I wanted him on medications I would need to go through the pycho- neurologist. SO when the school called about rescheduling Joey's IEP and if I received the results of the evaluation and were they going to medicate Joey again. I could tell them flat out the Neurologist would not medicate him, and they backed off about when I was going to get him back on his meds. :) Seems Joey is not going back on medications (at this time) it didn't matter if we went ahead with the IEP before hearing the results for the medical evaluation that was done and could just base Joey's plan off what the school concluded. However, depending on what I learn on Friday from the psycho-neurologist I may need to set up for another IEP meeting.

I am excited and scared about our first IEP meeting. I am so very ready for us to figure out what will work for Joey to get more out of his school days. I've nervous because this is new to me. I was part of my nephew's IEP team when he was in my care, but his accommodations and goals were clear and easy to address. Also I knew my nephew's teacher (they were fellow staff members and we had been in the school for 6 years) and they were willing to work with me (and Matthew). Joey is a bit more fuzzy when it comes to seeing what will work for him. We are still relatively new to the school district and the school itself. So far this year I haven't seen much in the way of open communication or willingness to assist Joey from his main classroom teacher. In the last 10 years (since Jordan started school) this is the first time I have encountered a teacher that willing to work with me. I do have my list of demands....I mean, my requests for modifications and accommodations ready for our meeting.

Side note:  His teacher is still marking spelling test wrong due to handwriting issues.

Making Slow Progress

A real quick update on Joey. We were able to get into the Nureo-pychologist's a week earlier for his evaluation. So this past Tuesday he took his two hour "test" with only a 2-3 minute break after an hour. After his evaluations I asked him what kind of things he was asked to do and he couldn't remember many of them except the last one which was really fun. He said most of the things were fun things like using only one hand to put small pegs in a board or word associating. Twice I could hear him from down the hall when he had a melt down. The first one had to do with stacking blocks a certain way and he just couldn't do it, he said there weren't enough blocks to make the pattern (I think the point could of been to see how he would react when things didn't work out the way he thought they should). The second melt down was because he was asked to do a handful (maybe 12) math problems and he simply refused to do them because he doesn't like math. From the sound of things there was a stare-down between the evaluator and Joey for about 5 minutes before he caved and worked the problems. We have an appointment for a month from now (that was the next available) for the feedback on the evaluation. I'm surprised on how long this process is taking, the school year is going to be halfway over before we figure out what is the best ways to help him.

The school has also begun their evaluation on him. I thought I would hear from the school as to when they had planned on preforming their evaluation, I found out when Joey told me he was pulled from class for a 40 minute block for "testing". I'm interested to see the difference (if there is any) from the school's multiple 40 minute sessions and the doctor's 2 hour session. Joey is getting pulled 3 times a week to head down to complete 40 minutes of testing each time.

Class time is still a struggle for him. He's still feeling that his teacher doesn't like him and just wants to make him miserable. Seems he's not happy in class he's making the teacher not not happy by being defiant, just to be defiant. He is still getting sent to the resource room everyday mostly during math. We are still getting stacks of homework sent home daily.

Homework takes up a good part of our evenings anywhere for 2-3 hours. Mostly because he'll write in any answer just to be done and can spend some time outside. When we come back in I check over his work and we end up reworking the all the pages. He knows the material, he just doesn't want o be bothered with doing it. Even though this "routine" is very time consuming and a pain in my backside, he is doing the work without much complaint. The last couple nights we have been working on math homework half hour to an hour past bedtime. I think we found the key to making math a bit easier on him (although it's more work on Mom), I rewrite every problem on graph paper so he can properly line up his numbers. On a page with 16 problems he was getting 11 of them wrong and the teacher would send it back home for him to redo (You know, during all our spare time). With the way he writes you can't really tell which numbers your working with and which ones are to be added/subtracted. He can't read his writing to tell me if the number is really suppose to be a 0 or a 6, and neither can his teacher. We have been working on slowing down and making sure numbers and letters are formed correctly (or close enough).

I started referring to his homework as a party one night just to get him to want to do it. I think I made doing homework to much fun because when I pick him up he'll inform me that 'We get to have a math party and a social studies party today!' I'm glad he has a better outlook on homework, but honestly I would love if there was one day, just one, without any homework. I have set up a couple bribes to encourage him to get his work done in school, he hasn't earn any of them yet :( I have come to accept that there will probably be homework everyday and math will probably be a page or two of it, but if we could just get to where that was his only homework I would be thrilled.

So much energy goes into getting Joey's assignments completed and to get his behavior under control that it makes it more difficult to have time to spend with the other two boys. I know from when my nephew, Matthew, was living here and the effect of so much of my attention going to correcting his behavior, helping with his assignments, and sitting at his therapies that it really took a toll on my boys. There was (and still is) A LOT of resentment there. I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen this time, but it is a very hard juggling act. Jordan and I still have our hour a day before the boys get out of school for just the two of us. I play with Jacob during our 1-2 hours after dinner before Joey and I to recheck his homework. I try to make sure that I have time with Joey doing non-homework related things. I feel like there just isn't enough hours in the day.

Quick Update on Joey

This past Wednesday I turned in my formal request to have the boys' school evaluate Joey for learning disabilities, and today I received a call from the school psychologist. She wanted to let me know that she will be leading the Joey's evaluation. Also to let me know that in his backpack was the form for me to sign granting my approval for the testing. I'm so very glad that get a response so quickly from the school. I'm hoping the school's evaluation will proceed quicker than the medical one.

Then the psychologist said something that really bothers me. She had hoped to have the medical evaluation results back before the school tested him, because he's going to need to be on medication and that will effect his results.  She can tell from how much trouble Joey is having in school that there basically isn't any other way than to have him medicated (paraphrased). That "we" will have to re-monitor him after he is back on medicine. If he's on medications he may not need as much intervention.

It really bothers me that it seems the school just wants him on medication. As if he'll take some magic pill that suddenly make him a model student. That medication will "fix" his handwriting and difficulty reading and spelling. While it may help him focus better or sit still longer it's doesn't help him retain the material taught. If they talk to his teacher from last year, she can tell them he still struggled and he was medicated then. Even on meds he didn't sit quietly at his desk, was easily distracted and distracted others, his assignments weren't completed or if they were he couldn't find them in the black hole his desk had become to turn them in.

I understand that in our society everyone is all about finding magic pills for everything. Can't sleep- take a pill, need to lose weight- take a pill, kid can't sit still-give them a pill. While there are many people who do really need to take medications in order to function, why is that always the first option we turn to. With all the research that has been done with children (and adults) with ADHD and Autism and all the alternative therapies and diets, why aren't those encouraged instead of pushing medications.

We have been very blessed to have found a Neurologist and Neuro-psychologist that don't want to look to medications until we have tried everything else first.

I think Joey is doing awesome recently in class! Does he have room for improvement? Yep, tons! The progress he has made isn't coming from some pill I give him every morning. It comes from the teachers who are helping me figure out what tools Joey needs so he can learn to deal with his "disabilities". It's the cushion, the Velcro strips, the change of space (either going to the office or to the resource room). It's me hanging around the kitchen table while he does his homework and the encouraging when he is feeling frustrated with his assignments. It's having him practice writing and reading daily. It's the added step for me to double check that he has put all his homework in the correct folders and that the folders made their way back into his backpack.

He has been in class for 3 weeks. He has only know his teacher for 3 weeks. He only meet the school psychologist a week or 2 ago. You can't tell me that within 3 weeks that both his teacher and the psychologist know him well enough to decide he needs medication. Especially when the Neuro doctors (who have PhD's) and deal with "kids like Joey" are telling me to hold off on medications.

UGH!! I guess the update turned more into a rant than an update, but it just gets under my skin when people who barely know my kids start telling me what I should do with them. Medications are not always the only way success.

So within the next 30 days the school is suppose to test Joey. I'm hoping they do it sooner rather than later, seems they know he is going in for the medical evaluation at the end of October.

Progress No Matter How Small Is Still Progress!

We are only 3 weeks into the school year and already there has been some bumps, but there has also been some progress. I was really worried about Joey going to school without any medications to help him control his ADHD. He had a great day the first few days and I started to feel more comfortable that between his teacher and I we'd find a way to "deal" with Joey's issues until he could be placed back on medicine. That comfort was squashed the week of his intake appointment with the Neuro-psycholigist when he teacher suggested that Joey be placed back on medication until his evaluation. She wasn't sure how she was going to deal with him otherwise, she'd be bald by the end of the week from pulling her hair out just trying to get him to sit and focus on his assignments. Joey wasn't staying at his desk, was very talkative, and mostly plain refused to do majority of his assignments. Everyday we were getting 5-8 assignments sent home to be completed because he just wouldn't do them in class. In less than a week Joey went from thinking he had one of the coolest teacher to thinking that she hated him.

When we went to the intake appointment and the doctor said to keep Joey off the medications at least until after the evaluation, then we could revisit  the need for medication. I asked her what was I suppose to tell his teacher and school psychologist that were pushing for something to help him with his ADHD. Her answer was, to explain that we were trying to get the most accurate evaluation so there would be no medications until after the evaluation. They would have to do the best they could with Joey until we knew more about what was going on with him. Basically she was saying tell them- he's not going back on the meds. Deal with it! (which I totally agree with.)

The down side of having the teacher "deal with" Joey is that his self-esteem really takes a hit. I get that teachers are suppose to treat all the kids equally and that they try, but it doesn't always happen. It's much harder to keep your cool with the kid whom you have to keep redirecting than the ones who follow directions the first time. That when a kid digs in his heel and refuses to any part of his assignment and sits staring at the wall for the 20 minutes instead frustrates the adult in charge. "Dealing with" Joey makes class miserable for all involved, the teacher is frustrated with Joey's lack of cooperation. Joey feels that the teacher is picking on him because she keeps insisting he do the assignment. The rest of the class get distracted by the battle of wills between the teacher and Joey.

Now, I'm not blaming the teacher for not wanting to deal with (or not knowing how to reach) an un-medicated ADHD child; over the summer I was at my wits end more than a few times. I don't know how much experience the teacher has teaching a kid like Joey. I've known Joey his entire life and sometimes I'm at a loss for what to try. What works one day doesn't mean that it will work the next.

I'm a strong believer in the partnership between parent and teacher. I check in with Joey's teacher daily. At first, it looked like I was going to have to gear up to battle for my child. The teacher decided that she wouldn't keep after Joey to get his assignments done and would allow him to either sit and do nothing the whole day or send him down to office until he could better control his behavior. While I feel that if he is feeling overwhelmed that he should be allowed to leave the room and calm down, but he was spending 45 minutes at a time a couple days a week just chilling in the office. Joey is the type of kid that a lot of things are a fine line, sometimes he does just need a break but he'll also take advantage of the chance to just get out of class if he feels its boring. For about a week he'd do minimal schoolwork in class and sat and visited the the school psychologist and secretaries in the office just about every day. Then came home and did all his schoolwork that was suppose to have been done that day. I started feeling like the teacher was just dismissing Joey because he required more time and energy. Every night he'd sit at the table and complete his assignments while I made dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. The whole stack of assignments would be done in less than 45 minutes! I started questioning why he could do the work at home without complaint (or assistance) but could get nothing accomplished in class. Turns out that if Joey didn't think he could finish the whole assignment within the allotted time, he wouldn't bother starting it; at home he was allowed to take all the time he needed. Joey sees a page with 20 math problems and 15 minutes to do them, as less than a minute per problem therefor not enough time to do them all; when in reality he could finish in 10 minutes. Now Joey is getting as much done on each assignment as he can and finishing the remaining couple problems as homework.

Last week Joey has made more progress, granted I had to go hunt down the resources. I started touching base with the school psychologist and resource teacher, just to introduce myself and inform them that we will probably be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months. The resource teacher, we'll call her "Ms. W" suggested that seems Joey likes to move around so much and wander the room and wiggle in his chair that an inflated bubble cushion might help. Joey is allowed to wiggle on the cushion on his chair (as long as he doesn't bounce). She also thought that adding stripes of Velcro on the underside of his desk top that he can run his finger across might be helpful to him. Both of her suggestions have been working well for Joey. Seems he can still move while on the cushion, he is walking around the room less.

Yesterday, I met another resource teacher that apparently Joey has been spending some time in her classroom recently. The boys school is working on MAP testing and the resource teacher happen to be talking with Joey's teacher when she noticed his lack of focus during his test. He has been completing his test in her room, she quickly realized that Joey would more successful taking the test with five other students present than sitting in the class of 30+ and trying to focus. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but it takes very little to distract Joey. Joey has also been granted permission a few times to take his assignments into the resource teacher's room to have the extended time to finish them.

Also, yesterday I turned in my request for the school to evaluate Joey for any learning disabilities even though we are are still pursuing the medical evaluation. I also requested that I be granted an advocate for IEP's as I'm not real sure what help is available for him. We still do not have an IEP in place even though we are starting to figure out which accommodations work for Joey. The teachers I have talked to seem to agree that accommodations will be needed. His teacher has agreed to allow Joey to use an AlphaSmart for writing assignments, but has yet to actually let him use it.

I'm not really feeling that his teacher and I are on the same page. While she is going along with the accommodations once one of the resource teacher brings them in the class, she does not seem happy about it. When I talk to her (daily) I get the impressions that she thinks I'm looking for "special treatment" for Joey, which is not the case. I'm just trying to figure out what works best for him so she is not struggling with him all day. I'm hoping she realizes that we are on the same side. I'm trying to lessen her work, not make extra for her.

Joey is still bringing homework home everyday, but it's only a couple of questions per sheet and not near as many sheets. Homework isn't a battle and is completed in less than a half hour (compared to the hours it took the first couple weeks). All writing assignments he types on the computer and we attach it to the worksheet to turn in. While he is doing much better, he still has some issues to work on. BUT...he is making progress (however small) while not on any medications!!!!

* I am not against putting any of my children on medication if there is a real need for it. I want to try other non-medical options before returning to medication.

Aspie-lutely Awesome Joey!!

This summer Joey took a "drug holiday" which means he was off all his medications. We did our first ever drug holiday last year and he did wonderful with it. The main purpose of his meds is to help him slow down and focus better, there isn't much he needs to focus on during the summer. He isn't required to sit still for extended periods of time and has plenty of opportunities to release his energy outside. One of the major factors in wanting to take the "holiday" was Joey's sleeping schedule was so messed up. He was barely sleeping, most nights he was getting roughly 3-4 hours of  broken sleep. We had tried melatonin in the past; it did help him sleep better for the first night, but around the second or third night he would start having night terrors and we stopped using it. Sleeping had been an issue with him once we put him back on his meds last school year. It started off that it would take him (3) hours to settle down so he could sleep, then they upped his dosage because he was still having a hard time in school (the doctor said it was the dosage, not the lack of sleep) that after fighting for hours to get to sleep be was unable to stay asleep. I'm proud to say that throughout this summer he has been sleeping a lot better, he still wakes up too early but he's getting 9-10 hours of rest a night.

Around the same time we decided to take another "holiday" our family doctor moved down south and we had to find a new one. I chose a pediatric doctor this time. I had switched Jacob over to the pediatrian about 6 month prior to having to switch the other boys. There are only 2 doctors in the office and I absolutely LOVE them both. Joey's new doctor was surprised that he had been diagnosed with ADHD at age 6 with only the use of a survey and that neither him nor Jordan had been re evaluated since their diagnosis. She was firm about not refilling their (mainly Joey's) prescriptions until he had a psychological evaluation done. I figured during his "holiday" was a great time for the evaluation that way they could get a clear look at how he was un-medicated. There was a mix up with our insurance and I was told that I needed to reapply that none of us had insurance. After reapplying I learned that there was no need for us to reapply and that we had insurance the whole time. It took about a month to straighten out, and that was a month I could have been looking into getting Joey the evaluation he needed. Trying to get in to see a psychologist before the start of school was a challenge,every place I called had a 9-12 month waiting list. I checked back with the pediatrician to see if a neurologist's evaluation would work, and had an appointment for 1 week later.

It took Joey 20 minutes to write the same four sentences as his classmate.

When we went to the neurologist I kind of had my own ideas of what might be going on with Joey, but kept them to myself. I didn't want to sway the doctor and was curious to see if she saw the same "symptoms" I did. Papa & Grandma watched the other boys so just Joey and I could go to the appointment, I didn't want the boys' "helping" to interfere with the doctors observations. By the end of the appointment the doctor had come to the same conclusion as I, and Joey was diagnosed with ADHD and "possibly" Autism Spectrum Disorder. She said that Joey is definitely on the spectrum but wanted a neuropsycological test for a clearer diagnosis. She said that he is high functioning and is leaning more towards Asperger Syndrome but to see the neuropsycologist. We were also given a script for behavioral therapy and occupational therapy. She suggested that they he may also have disgraphia. After doing some research on what Disgraphia is, I have to say I agree with her. She also told me not to put him back on the medication he was taking, due to the sleeping issues it was obviously not working properly for him.

*Disgraphia is learning disability that effects writing. Often times, and in Joey's case, writing is illegible and the spacing between letters and words is not consistent. Even he has a hard time reading his own writing. Having to write for extended amounts of time cause him pain in his hands and fatigue. He has a very difficult time with spelling and still reverses letters. He has a hard time getting his thoughts onto paper and often times leave words or sentences unfinished.

Joey and I had talked about what "possibly" being autistic meant and what the chances were that he actually had autism. We are very blessed to know people with a different range of abilities, including two who are on different sides of the Autism Spectrum. We have my nephew Matthew whom had lived with us for a year about a year ago and is mildly autistic and our friend "E" who has aspergers. My boys have also been exposed to kids on the spectrum that ranged from severe to mild autism when we use to take Matthew for his therapies. Joey accepted the news of his diagnoses very well. Having a reference point of "E" really helped him see what characteristics of Asperger Syndrome he has. He didn't see himself as "autistic like Matthew" who has more behavioral issues than "E". I knew he would be fine with a diagnosis of Asperger, when I told him "Yep, it would make you an "Aspie" like "E" and he replied "That's because I'm aspie-lutely awesome!! :D Hey, if they say I have Aspergers will you make me a shirt that says that!"

Joey is on the waiting list for occupational therapy at the same facility I took Matthew to. Fingers crossed that we won't have to wait long. Joey is really excited to start therapy, he has already seen the "rewards" for working hard. From things I have been hearing, I may need to do some research on how to get him the behavioral therapy as our insurance may not cover it.

This all took place two weeks before the start of school and we won't have our first appointment with the neuro-psychologist until 2 weeks after school starts. So I was very anxious about sending to school without medication of any kind. Since first grade he has always been on one med or another. I was worried about how the other students would view Joey, would they see him as quirky and weird or think that he was trying to be the class clown or rebel. The first few weeks is when everyone is starting to figure out who to hang out with and who to avoid. There wasn't much I could do to help Joey make a "good" first impression. We talked about what behaviors would be acceptable, but talking about them and him following through are two totally different things.

His first day was only a half day (3.5 hours) and he didn't get much sleep the night before because of Jacob's trip to the ER. He did beautifully though!! He walked into class noticed the directions on the board and got right to work finding his way around the room. The second day though, his teacher got to see Joey as he normally acts (not that he was misbehaving). He had a bumpy start and dug in his heels about getting a particular assignment done. He needed a few reminders to stay on task but as the day progressed he controlled himself better.
*Currently Joey does not have a 504 or IEP in place. We are waiting until after the evaluation to determine what accommodations he may need.

I will keep everyone updated on as we get a clear look at what all is going on with Joey. Until then prayers for him to have successful days in school and to get into therapy quickly would be greatly appreciated.

Skater Boys

When the boys asked to add the skate park again to our summer bucket list, it was mostly because they had so much fun last summer riding down the ramps on their bottoms. This year they are a bit more intense about skateboarding. All of my boys have their own skateboards, around seven years old they have all asked for one as a birthday or Christmas present. While they have had the boards and protective gear that goes with them for years. Usually the skateboards stay buried in the shed except for a day here or there then they dig them out to make sure they still know how to do their one or two "tricks" and toss them back in the shed.

This spring we had a new neighbor move in next door who saw the boys on one of rare days the skateboards were out. He showed them some of the tricks he use to do when he rode his skateboard years before. Since that day there has been an epidemic of skateboards in our neighborhood. Every kid near our little corner of the community has their own board or Ripstix. Which is so fantastic!! All these kids leaving their favorite t.v. shows to come outside and try to learn a sport!

I'm one of those parents that tends to get overly involved in whatever it is their kids are into. So that has meant learning what the tricks were called, what the trick is suppose to look like, and watching many Youtube videos. This also meant trips to the skate park. It's much more fun knowing how to do a trick, no matter how simple it may be (or look to be), when you get tp show off to people who also know the trick. A visit to the skate park holds a different meaning to the boys this year than last year. Last year it was about being silly and having fun. This year, it's more serious business. This year there are things to show off that we have learned for our neighbor, and new challenges they are more willing to try. Joey is more comfortable on this Ripstix than a skateboard, so that is what he brings. It makes me kind of giggle that skaters that do daring tricks and jumps are leery about just riding on Joey's Ripstix.

The boys are still looked at as "little kids" at the park by the older more experienced skaters. We are still working on learning the proper skate park etiquette. A couple of times one or more of my boys had almost been run over by other skaters or bikers. However, many of the older skaters have been very considerate and have offer some tips to the boys. There are some that who would rather not have to share the area with "little kids", and then there is also the issue of convincing the older kids to watch their language while we are there (sometimes they do, some times we have to distance ourselves from them, and there has even been times that we had just left).

We have visited the skate parks four times so far this summer. We have been to three different parks, which all offer different equipment and their own "flaws". The first one we went to is close to home (about 5-10 drive) and we are familiar with it. The downside is that the ramps are metal and have a bit of a bump at the bottom and the whole things sets on cement. The second one is about 10- 15 minutes from home, but is an enclosed park with a playground and basketball nets near by. It sits on asphalt so its smooth riding. The second park doesn't have as much "equipment" as some other parks do. The third park is about a half hour away. It is all slick and waxed, just the way the more experienced skaters prefer it to be. The main problem with the third park is that majority of it is way to advanced for my boys skills.

The 1st park

The 3rd park

The 2nd park

When we visited the third park we quickly realized that it was more than the boys could handle. We met some of neighbors there, as they knew the park well. Our friend suggested we head over to a hill that leads to a small lake/pond. That the boys could skate down the hill. The only part the boys heard about the hill was they could skate down it, then they quit listening. The part they tuned out was there is a sharp turn half way down and to proceed with caution because they would pick up speed on their way down. They all headed towards the hill, Joey was the only one who put on a helmet, because it made him look cool. I hung back for a minute to talk with a friend who opted out of the hike back up the hill. Just as I was heading towards the hill I thought I heard one of my kids cry out, then dismissed it when it was followed by other cries of "Woo-Hoo!". Then I heard it, the screaming cry that meant I need my mom! I took off like only a panicked mom can (they were right you really pick up speed racing down the hill)! Jordan yelled at me on my way to Joey  "You can see bone!", my heart sank. There lay Joey on the ground just before a 90* right turn and there was blood. Between the neighbor and I we manage to carry Joey back up the steep hill where we could better assess his injuries. Thankfully there were no broken bones, but he was really banged up. He had some gruesome scratches on both elbows, his right shoulder, right hip, and his left knee. The bone Jordan thought he saw was just where Joey's knee looked like hamburger. Later we learned that Joey was lucky he wore the helmet, because he cracked a piece just about the ear on the helmet almost all the way through.



As Joey was flying down the hill he was screaming from excitement then he say the sharp turn. He knew he wouldn't be able to take the turn on the Ripstix as you can't turn it he same as you could a skateboard, so he jumped into the grass just before reaching the turn. He was afraid that it he tried to make the turn and didn't, he would crash into the tree that was in the corner of the 90*.

Although his crash was scary for both him and I, I was better once I knew he wasn't permanently damaged. After getting him cleaned up, Joey was bragging about his wipe-out to everyone we saw as he joined use as we walked down the hill to the water. I was very proud of Joey, the next day (before he could even scab over) he was back on his Ripstix.

Skateboards and the Ripstix come out everyday for at least a half hour. While writing this the boys are outside with our neighbor practicing their skills. Jordan just rushed in to have me watch him do an Ollie while the board is moving (and thanks to all the Youtube videos I know what an Ollie is).

Berries and a Birthday

Due to the rough winter the strawberries came in late this year. It just so happened that we went on Joey's birthday to get our berries. Last year Papa had mentioned that if we go strawberry picking again he would like to come along, so this year Papa joined us. I was hoping for a bounty of strawberries like we were able to pick last year. The difficult winter had greatly effected the size and numbers of berries. We started back near the sign that said "best picking" but most of the berries were over ripe or close to it, although there many to pick. We inched our way to the "better picking" and they were a nice shade of red, but not many on the plants. Feeling a bit discouraged we headed over to where there was no sign and managed to find an abundance of strawberries, however they were on the smaller side. Papa was able after some time to fill his bin to take back to Grandma. We (or more accurately I) mostly filled our bin. The boys just weren't as into picking their own this year. Joey was less than pleased to even be in the strawberry patch, he just wanted to get home to unwrap his present. Joey also made a point to inform the whole patch that he doesn't even like strawberries and it was his birthday, and he shouldn't have to pick fruit he's not going to eat...LOL! I think we had a smoother time last year, because there were so many big, juicy strawberries. That and it was quick picking. Last year we filled our bin in less than an 45 minutes and this year it was just over and hour and a half. We all enjoyed our berries later that evening, except Joey :)



After gathering our strawberries Papa hung out at our house for a little while to play with the boys and to watch Joey open his present from mom. Joey was very anxious to open his gift because he thought he had correctly guessed what it was, a new pogo stick. However his guess was incorrect he was over the moon excited about what he did receive, a Ripstix!!! Some friends of our received Ripstix as a Christmas present and Joey had loved trying them out. He borrowed them as often as he could and really wished to have one of his own. He truly didn't believe that he would get one of his own because they cost $65 and mom doesn't not buy expensive gifts (that's Santa's job). After opening his gift the trauma of picking strawberries was quickly forgotten. He was able to should Papa some of his tricks before Papa needed to get home to Grandma.


Over the weekend we celebrated Joey's birthday with Papa and Grandma at their house. Where more gifts were given and more cake on ice cream were had.

Mom, Can I Read A Book?!

I would love to link-up for What has been working for us on another blog, but we just started trying something new with Joey. I'm so excited about it that I couldn't wait to share it with all of you. As you may have figured out from our January book tally towards our 400 books this year that Joey is my reluctant reader. We had originally planned on everyone having a goal of 100 books read by the end of 2014, Joey was really struggling to keep up with his brothers. To Joey reading is a form of torture and tries to avoid it at all costs. As a mother and a lover of books it broke my heart that he didn't enjoy reading like the rest of the family. I understand many children with ADHD have a difficult time when it comes to wanting to read, but really wanted to encourage Joey to read. He loves telling stories and listening to stories but avoid writing his stories or reading any form of book. Much like their mother Jordan and Jacob love reading and tend to read anything they can get their hands on, so reaching 100 books would be all too easy for them. Our goal of 100 books to Joey seemed like an unrealistic goal and one he wanted no part of. While his brothers have been adding numerous books to our list of books read Joey became more resentful of "that darn list". I had hoped to play off the boys natural desire to one up each other, but Joey was starting to feel stressed by not being able to keep up. The end of January we switched our goal to where as a family we would each 400 books collectively.

I have tried different ways to get Joey interested in reading. We have tried fiction, non-fiction, poetry, comic books, shortened chapter books, books with pictures every couple of pages, books that had no pictures (he less distracted when he couldn't keep looking back at pictures provided). I've tried having him keep his place using his finger, an index card (we tried different colored cards), we tried having me guide him using my finger to keep his place. We tried silent reading, reading out loud, reading to mom, reading to his brothers. We tried changing the duration of reading time, read a short non-chapter book, read "x"  number chapters, read for "x" amount of time, reading with taking multiple breaks. Nothing we have tried help him to want to read.

The other day someone presented us with an idea I had not thought of, use books on tape/CD. At first I thought well that might get him to hear a few more stories, but I would much rather he practice his reading skills than just listen to a story. Then we came up with a compromise, Joey could listen to the story on tape as long as he was following along in the book. So today when Jordan and I went to the library to exchange a stack of books and gather another stack to bring home for the week, I grabbed a couple books on CD as well as the books so he could follow along.

Joey being Joey (and a kid) went digging through my backpack to see what I grabbed for everyone (and to see if we were also borrowing a movie). He was very excited to find the books on CD and requested that I play one while we were in the van. I explained how I would like the CDs to be used with the books and for him to wait until we got home. We had a bit of a wait as we were heading to start Jacob's birthday celebration early. Once home, he ran and found my portable CD player (yes,  I know no one uses them anymore and its probably considered and antique by now) and climbed into my comfy reading spot (the corner seat on the couch, "Mom's Spot") and grabbed the book that corresponded with the first CD. He did follow along in the book and sat there listening and "reading" for six chapter before asking for a break. He says he'll finish this book tonight that there are only two more chapters and it's a good book. He was actually really excited about "reading" this book and our new system. After just a ten minute break he asked to finish the last chapters of his book. YAY!!

While he is being allowed to listen to the story as he reads it to help get him more excited about wanting to read, he is also expected to read a minimum of 2 books to mom without using the tapes/CDs. He has agreed to this, so we'll see how this goes. I'm hoping this will be the key to helping him break through some of his reading difficulties, but it is still in the novelty stage. I'll give it a couple weeks before I'll update if this really will work for him. For now I'm going to enjoy that he is reading a book, and am going to work on my book while the other boys are also reading.

Talking With Santa

Last night was the Christmas party with the cub scouts. After all the scouts received the badges they had earned they hurried to get in line for the bake sale. I'm proud to say the fudge we took, was completely sold out by the time we left. They kept the bake sale simple for the kids, everything was a quarter. Shortly after everyone was in line a surprise visitor showed up. YAY! Santa was there! They called the boys up by their dens so they could tell Santa what they would like for Christmas and were given a treat bag along with their Pinewood Derby car kit.

I was thrilled to see that Santa was there, that meant I wouldn't need to go stand in line at the mall. After all the scouts and siblings had their chance to visit with the St. Nick, I went up there with my boys for our Santa picture. Even Jordan poised for a solo picture (what a good sport!). When Santa seen him coming he said that he'd just stand next to Jordan VS. having him sit upon his knee. Jacob the little stinker shielded his mouth when he whispered to Santa what gift he wanted the most. Jacob also called Santa an imposter, saying his beard wasn't even real. When Santa pointed out that that wasn't his beard it was the fur on his coat, that he had trimmed his beard special for his visit with the scouts, Jacob conceded and said he was just testing him to make sure he was the real deal. Joey also whispered is request to Santa.

After everyone was all sugared up and Santa had to head back to the North Pole it was time to head home and try to convince my kids to sleep.

Staying with the Santa theme, Joey had a paper he had to write tonight for school tomorrow. I absolutely love the idea of this paper. The assignment was you had to imagine you were placed upon Santa's "Naughty List" and you had to persuade him to put you on the "Nice List". I absolutely LOVE what Joey came up with. I swear my kids can argue just about any topic. I think I may have Jacob write one of these too.

Here is what Joey wrote:

Dear Santa,

I know it looks like I wasn`t also a good boy this year.  I want to be off the naughty list. Let me explain. I hope you`ll understand why I got in trouble. After you hear my story you`ll understand. Hopefully I will get back on the nice list.

I have hurt my little brother. He can be really annoying. He likes to take my stuff. Also he`s not always nice to me. I have been working on being nicer to him.

I haven`t been listening real well to my mom.  She keeps asking me to clean my room. It is more messy than just I can clean. She wants me to sit and finish my all my homework when I could be playing outside snowboarding. It is important to be active and get fresh air.

At school I get A LOT of work to do. I really try to get it all done but there is A LOT! The work I do get done is really good and I get good grades on it. Sometimes I get my work done and forget to turn it in. I forget a lot of things I’m only 9.

          My teacher thinks I talk way too much. I have a lot of cool things to say. I like to share the things I know with my table. I’m not the only person at my table who talks. We are working on our socializing studies J

          You see my story now. It is all just a big misunderstanding. I’m a really nice boy. You should put me on the nice list. I promise to leave you extra cookies this year.

 

                                                     Love,                                                        
                                         Joey


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