Social Awareness Can Totally Suck

Social Awareness: understanding how you react to different social situations, and effectively modify your interactions with others so you achieve the best result.

I was going to write about how social awareness really sucks some times, when I noticed I already had a draft saved titled "Social Awareness Sucks" from just over a year ago. Seems we have come full circle. We are at a different level of sucky-ness than when I wrote the first draft. When I wrote the first draft my heart was so broken for Joey, which is why I never finished the post. It still really breaks my heart when I think back to that time.

Let me start by saying that I have always admired Joey's ability to do what he enjoys without fear of what others might think of him. He had always been content to do his own thing even if he was doing it alone. Also, let me say kids can be so mean!

Joey's lack of social awareness was a bittersweet blessing, it protected him from the cruelty of his classmates. While he was content to do his own thing, he wanted nothing more that to have friends and be included. He tried so hard and did everything he should have to make friends, but he was already written off as the "weird kid". He was deemed one of the weird ones because of he couldn't sit still and talked too much, his behavior when he was frustrated with his school work, and because he wrote/colored like a kindergartner (dysgraphia).  Every day he tried to engage his classmates, every day he was rebuffed by them. I was shattered the day he told me about the game he got played with his "friends", it was called "Joey Can't Play". He explained it that he goes to different groups of kids and tries to join whatever game they are playing and they find different ways to make it look like he was playing but he wasn't actually allowed to play. He had the biggest smile on his face when he told me too. To him this was his way to be included. The blessing part of this, he had no idea that kids were being cruel and counted every single kid in his class as his friend. Having to talk to him about how his "friends" weren't really his friends, was one of the more difficult conversations I've had to have with him.

Fast forward a couple months and a new medication change, Joey hits the beginnings of social awareness. He comes home from school with the realization that everyone hates him. He sits by the wall all recess or on the"Buddy Bench" (the bench for when you're looking for someone willing to play with you). His class had instituted "The Joey Touch" and it had started to overflow to the rest of the grade during lunches. Everyone groaned and tried to switch partners when paired up with him. He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong to make everyone dislike him. The more he tried to act like everyone else the more the pushed him away. They were even setting him up to get in trouble, they would invite him to play tag then tell the recess monitors that he was chasing them (the school social worker was able to actually witness this a few times).

Beginning of 5th grade, we saw the grace of social awareness, although he still struggled to be liked by his peers. He curbed some of his quirky ways while at school. When he talked to peers he stayed mostly on their topic. He focused on finding just one or two kids to be friends with. He stayed away from the kids who were being mean or rude to him. He tried reverse psychology on them per my request just to see what would happen. He stopped chasing the girls at recess when they asked, he'd walk up to a group of kids playing a game ask what they were doing then walk away uninterested. Slowly the kids started noticing that Joey wasn't trying to be included and started finding ways to include themselves in what he was doing. I'm so grateful that worked in our favor, we had a 50/50 shot of that actually working. He was less frustrated with his school work due to finally finding a medication that worked for him. His teacher was awesome and did a lot of class work together; as his peers started realize Joey's really smart and has really good ideas they stopped complaining when they were paired up with him.

That brings us to now, end of 5th grade beginning of 6th grade. He has a pretty good handle on what the social norms are. He still has areas he needs to work on but has made amazing progress, and I'm so proud of him. He has a couple friends and talks at least in passing to most of the kids. He's so afraid to be singled out as the weird kid again. He doesn't want to do anything that might cause his peers to think he's different from them. He doesn't want any accommodations that help him with his school work (like going to the resource room during tests) or teachers checking that he has any homework packed to be taken home. He understands that everything we put in place is to help make life easier on him and is meant to be temporary, but he doesn't want to be different anymore. As of right now we have no modifications or accommodations in place.

His being wary of what being different has overflowed to outside of school also. He doesn't want to take his ADHD medication and refuses to cooperate at occupational therapy. Yesterday I was called back at OT because Joey refused to do any of the exercises and literally had the OT chasing him wall to wall. Once I was back there he stood arms crossed and refused to do what he was asked until I threatened to take one of his privileges away. His reasoning he's not autistic like the other kids who go there (granted majority of the kids who also go the therapy center are more severely autistic), and it makes him feel like we think of him as "autistic like them". I have sat down and talk with Joey about why he needs his medication and therapy many times; he knows he needs both, but doesn't want to need them. He doesn't want to be different anymore.

Update on Joey

I have been meaning to sit and write another update on what has been going on with Joey, but things keep happening and I push off the post so I can include everything. Well, this won't have everything included in it, as I have his first IEP meeting on Wednesday and we get the feedback from his psycho - neurological evaluation on Friday, but this will catch everyone up some.

A few weeks ago I was helping out in the boys' school's book fair. My boys were so excited I was there and could spend their lunch breaks with them. Halfway through the week Joey asked me to go outside for lunch recess with him and I told him I really needed to get back to the fair, I wish I would have went to recess with him. After being back at the fair for about 10 minutes I see Joey walking down the hall crying, he should have been at recess. When I went to see why he wasn't on the playground, he told me that he had to sit in the principal's office and wasn't allowed outside with the other kids. According to the story Joey told me he was chasing some girls around the playground and the girls collided. Both girls and two of their friends told the recess aid that Joey smacked one in the face and punch the other one. Joey does have his moments when he'll strike out, usually at his brothers, but never a girl. After the principal couldn't get Joey to change his story and confess to hitting the girls, the principal called the school psychologist in to get Joey to "tell the truth". Usually if you confront Joey a few times he'll back track and tell you the truth (if he is lying). The principal also pulled me from the book fair for a meeting about the zero tolerance policy. During our meeting that lasted over an hour Joey was left sitting and crying in the office thinking he was in trouble. The principal confessed that no one really knows what happened on the playground, for no adults seen what happened. They had 4 girls saying assaulted two of the girls and only him saying he didn't do it. They needed to have something to tell the parents of the girls, should they call and ask what was being done with the brute that targeted their sweet little angels. The school's solution was that Joey really should lose his recess for the remainder of the week, but due to his issues that they would allow Joey to have his 20 minutes of recess by himself after the other students have had theirs. They figured Joey would be more of a behavior problem if he was not able to release his extra energy. They called Joey into our meeting and explained that he would still have recess, just that he would have to have his by himself for the safety of the other students, but that he was not being punished. Sounded like a punishment to me, so for the next two days I met Joey on the playground so he would have someone to play with (seems it wasn't a punishment). I'm sorry, but no child is going to burn off energy playing by themselves. Joey still stands by his story that he did not hurt those girls; I believe him. This wouldn't be the first (or last) time Joey got blamed for something by his classmates, just so he would be told to stay away from them because he's weird.

During our meeting the principal and school psyc. advisedme that Joey needs to be on medication. They went so far as to recommend two medications that are not stimulants, because I told them (repeatedly) the stimulants don't work for Joey. It really irks me that these two people (along with his teacher) who have known my child for mere months think they can diagnose and recommend medications for my child. The school psychologist also mentioned that some of Joey's issues and aggression may be coming from home and the way his brothers interact with him! I'm trying to keep in mind that I'm "working with" these people to help my kid, but sometimes....

I said it in my last "Joey update" and I'll say it again medication is not ALWAYS the answer! I just had a conversation with the boys' doctor about the school's push to medicate Joey. There are many cases where the schools will not allow students back into class until the parents have the child on medication. So the parents put their kid on the meds the school (where no one has a medical degree) have told them to and the kid gets into the classroom and stabs the teacher with a pencil, when previously the kid was not violent. The side effects of these medication affect people differently.

I'm not ready to resort back to medications. Joey has been doing better physically without them. He actually can fall asleep within a reasonable amount of time and sleeps uninterrupted during the night. He has always had an appetite, but now he is actually gaining weight. He has been on medications for 5 years and still had the same behavioral problems he has now. Granted he sat still a bit more in class, but he wasn't retaining any of the information due to be exhausted from not sleeping. I'm looking into alternatives to medicines. When he was first diagnosed with ADHD I was told our option was medication. Now I know better, I have seen changes in him (as well as my other boys) from removing food dyes, that I didn't even know about until 2 years ago. Which got me thinking what other options are out there we haven't tried. I'm not saying that if he needs medications to help him function that I won't give them to him. I just want to run out any other methods before saying medications are the answer for him.

Two weeks ago I was a gas station and noticed a business called Life Balance across the street. Thinking it may be another place to try to get Joey in for his occupational and behavioral therapies I stopped in. (He's still on waiting lists at two different places) Turns out they do therapies, but just not the kind I thought. They are a brain balance center. While the receptionist explained how they go about balancing one's brain, I started thinking this is too good to be true. It's the simplest thing, my kid sits and plays a video game, reads a book, or whatever, and they put headphones on him. Through the sound waves and some computer it will find what ever imbalance my kid has and will corrected it by making the brain connections that his brain isn't doing on it's own. Here's the catch, it only has an 80% success rate and most people need 12-15 sessions. Each sessions is $100, and most insurance companies won't cover it!! I have heard some about Brain Gym sessions that are all over the place, my friend's son's Choi class offers them to their students. So there seems to be some science behind why this may work (some, but not enough for $100 per session). I vowed to look more into it.

That very same day, I came across a book at the library about brain balancing your child with ADHD, ADD, or Autism. The books claim was it could cure all this things and more. I didn't quite believe that it was going to cure Autism or ADD, but it was an opportunity to get a better understanding of this brain balancing thing is about. I've gotta give the author credit, it makes logical sense that in theory this could work to some degree. I filled out all the checklists and had Joey do the assessments. I figured we'd give it try, after all it was a library book and we could try it for free. While the theory behind it makes sense, some of the exercises don't seem like they would help much other than to get my kid doing regular exercises. How doing 45 sit-ups in a minute in going to balance my kid's brain is beyond me. While others I can see the connection to why they may "balance" my kids. I did learn some interesting things about Joey I never thought check, like his sense is smell is off. Which explains why he will eat weird concoctions of foods or eat just mustard if its on his plate. He's sense of smell effects the way foods taste. There are a series of exercises to do to strengthen his little sniffer. (Actually those exercises were a favorite amongst all my boys.) We are two weeks into the exercises the book recommended for Joey per the results of the checklists and assessments, the book says that he should be mostly if not completely "fixed" by the end of 12 weeks on the program. I'm not expecting to this thing to work as it claims, but it's worth a shot to see if there could be any improvements on Joey's behavior. I'll keep you updated on how well balanced our brains get :)
Joey can now after two weeks identify 9 different smells while blindfold when held 6 inches away from his nose. He has very recently started trying small amounts of new-to-him foods, and liking most of them. Otherwise I have haven't noticed any changes that make the think this could be the Holy Grail for Joey.

A week ago was suppose to be our first IEP meeting and after sending a email to the school psychologist, we decided to push back the meeting until after our neurology appointment. Our IEP was for 10:00 am and the neurology appointment was for 2:45 that same day. I had made phone calls the week prior to the neurology appt. to make sure that the feedback from the psycho-evaluation would be sent to the neurologist by our appt date. I was assured that the results were completed and would be available at our appt. Long story short, the results were not sent to the neurologist and Joey and I wasted over an hour for nothing. Only good thing that came from the appt was the Neuro. told me that she would not prescribe any medications for Joey that if I wanted him on medications I would need to go through the pycho- neurologist. SO when the school called about rescheduling Joey's IEP and if I received the results of the evaluation and were they going to medicate Joey again. I could tell them flat out the Neurologist would not medicate him, and they backed off about when I was going to get him back on his meds. :) Seems Joey is not going back on medications (at this time) it didn't matter if we went ahead with the IEP before hearing the results for the medical evaluation that was done and could just base Joey's plan off what the school concluded. However, depending on what I learn on Friday from the psycho-neurologist I may need to set up for another IEP meeting.

I am excited and scared about our first IEP meeting. I am so very ready for us to figure out what will work for Joey to get more out of his school days. I've nervous because this is new to me. I was part of my nephew's IEP team when he was in my care, but his accommodations and goals were clear and easy to address. Also I knew my nephew's teacher (they were fellow staff members and we had been in the school for 6 years) and they were willing to work with me (and Matthew). Joey is a bit more fuzzy when it comes to seeing what will work for him. We are still relatively new to the school district and the school itself. So far this year I haven't seen much in the way of open communication or willingness to assist Joey from his main classroom teacher. In the last 10 years (since Jordan started school) this is the first time I have encountered a teacher that willing to work with me. I do have my list of demands....I mean, my requests for modifications and accommodations ready for our meeting.

Side note:  His teacher is still marking spelling test wrong due to handwriting issues.

Quick Update on Joey

This past Wednesday I turned in my formal request to have the boys' school evaluate Joey for learning disabilities, and today I received a call from the school psychologist. She wanted to let me know that she will be leading the Joey's evaluation. Also to let me know that in his backpack was the form for me to sign granting my approval for the testing. I'm so very glad that get a response so quickly from the school. I'm hoping the school's evaluation will proceed quicker than the medical one.

Then the psychologist said something that really bothers me. She had hoped to have the medical evaluation results back before the school tested him, because he's going to need to be on medication and that will effect his results.  She can tell from how much trouble Joey is having in school that there basically isn't any other way than to have him medicated (paraphrased). That "we" will have to re-monitor him after he is back on medicine. If he's on medications he may not need as much intervention.

It really bothers me that it seems the school just wants him on medication. As if he'll take some magic pill that suddenly make him a model student. That medication will "fix" his handwriting and difficulty reading and spelling. While it may help him focus better or sit still longer it's doesn't help him retain the material taught. If they talk to his teacher from last year, she can tell them he still struggled and he was medicated then. Even on meds he didn't sit quietly at his desk, was easily distracted and distracted others, his assignments weren't completed or if they were he couldn't find them in the black hole his desk had become to turn them in.

I understand that in our society everyone is all about finding magic pills for everything. Can't sleep- take a pill, need to lose weight- take a pill, kid can't sit still-give them a pill. While there are many people who do really need to take medications in order to function, why is that always the first option we turn to. With all the research that has been done with children (and adults) with ADHD and Autism and all the alternative therapies and diets, why aren't those encouraged instead of pushing medications.

We have been very blessed to have found a Neurologist and Neuro-psychologist that don't want to look to medications until we have tried everything else first.

I think Joey is doing awesome recently in class! Does he have room for improvement? Yep, tons! The progress he has made isn't coming from some pill I give him every morning. It comes from the teachers who are helping me figure out what tools Joey needs so he can learn to deal with his "disabilities". It's the cushion, the Velcro strips, the change of space (either going to the office or to the resource room). It's me hanging around the kitchen table while he does his homework and the encouraging when he is feeling frustrated with his assignments. It's having him practice writing and reading daily. It's the added step for me to double check that he has put all his homework in the correct folders and that the folders made their way back into his backpack.

He has been in class for 3 weeks. He has only know his teacher for 3 weeks. He only meet the school psychologist a week or 2 ago. You can't tell me that within 3 weeks that both his teacher and the psychologist know him well enough to decide he needs medication. Especially when the Neuro doctors (who have PhD's) and deal with "kids like Joey" are telling me to hold off on medications.

UGH!! I guess the update turned more into a rant than an update, but it just gets under my skin when people who barely know my kids start telling me what I should do with them. Medications are not always the only way success.

So within the next 30 days the school is suppose to test Joey. I'm hoping they do it sooner rather than later, seems they know he is going in for the medical evaluation at the end of October.

Progress No Matter How Small Is Still Progress!

We are only 3 weeks into the school year and already there has been some bumps, but there has also been some progress. I was really worried about Joey going to school without any medications to help him control his ADHD. He had a great day the first few days and I started to feel more comfortable that between his teacher and I we'd find a way to "deal" with Joey's issues until he could be placed back on medicine. That comfort was squashed the week of his intake appointment with the Neuro-psycholigist when he teacher suggested that Joey be placed back on medication until his evaluation. She wasn't sure how she was going to deal with him otherwise, she'd be bald by the end of the week from pulling her hair out just trying to get him to sit and focus on his assignments. Joey wasn't staying at his desk, was very talkative, and mostly plain refused to do majority of his assignments. Everyday we were getting 5-8 assignments sent home to be completed because he just wouldn't do them in class. In less than a week Joey went from thinking he had one of the coolest teacher to thinking that she hated him.

When we went to the intake appointment and the doctor said to keep Joey off the medications at least until after the evaluation, then we could revisit  the need for medication. I asked her what was I suppose to tell his teacher and school psychologist that were pushing for something to help him with his ADHD. Her answer was, to explain that we were trying to get the most accurate evaluation so there would be no medications until after the evaluation. They would have to do the best they could with Joey until we knew more about what was going on with him. Basically she was saying tell them- he's not going back on the meds. Deal with it! (which I totally agree with.)

The down side of having the teacher "deal with" Joey is that his self-esteem really takes a hit. I get that teachers are suppose to treat all the kids equally and that they try, but it doesn't always happen. It's much harder to keep your cool with the kid whom you have to keep redirecting than the ones who follow directions the first time. That when a kid digs in his heel and refuses to any part of his assignment and sits staring at the wall for the 20 minutes instead frustrates the adult in charge. "Dealing with" Joey makes class miserable for all involved, the teacher is frustrated with Joey's lack of cooperation. Joey feels that the teacher is picking on him because she keeps insisting he do the assignment. The rest of the class get distracted by the battle of wills between the teacher and Joey.

Now, I'm not blaming the teacher for not wanting to deal with (or not knowing how to reach) an un-medicated ADHD child; over the summer I was at my wits end more than a few times. I don't know how much experience the teacher has teaching a kid like Joey. I've known Joey his entire life and sometimes I'm at a loss for what to try. What works one day doesn't mean that it will work the next.

I'm a strong believer in the partnership between parent and teacher. I check in with Joey's teacher daily. At first, it looked like I was going to have to gear up to battle for my child. The teacher decided that she wouldn't keep after Joey to get his assignments done and would allow him to either sit and do nothing the whole day or send him down to office until he could better control his behavior. While I feel that if he is feeling overwhelmed that he should be allowed to leave the room and calm down, but he was spending 45 minutes at a time a couple days a week just chilling in the office. Joey is the type of kid that a lot of things are a fine line, sometimes he does just need a break but he'll also take advantage of the chance to just get out of class if he feels its boring. For about a week he'd do minimal schoolwork in class and sat and visited the the school psychologist and secretaries in the office just about every day. Then came home and did all his schoolwork that was suppose to have been done that day. I started feeling like the teacher was just dismissing Joey because he required more time and energy. Every night he'd sit at the table and complete his assignments while I made dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. The whole stack of assignments would be done in less than 45 minutes! I started questioning why he could do the work at home without complaint (or assistance) but could get nothing accomplished in class. Turns out that if Joey didn't think he could finish the whole assignment within the allotted time, he wouldn't bother starting it; at home he was allowed to take all the time he needed. Joey sees a page with 20 math problems and 15 minutes to do them, as less than a minute per problem therefor not enough time to do them all; when in reality he could finish in 10 minutes. Now Joey is getting as much done on each assignment as he can and finishing the remaining couple problems as homework.

Last week Joey has made more progress, granted I had to go hunt down the resources. I started touching base with the school psychologist and resource teacher, just to introduce myself and inform them that we will probably be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months. The resource teacher, we'll call her "Ms. W" suggested that seems Joey likes to move around so much and wander the room and wiggle in his chair that an inflated bubble cushion might help. Joey is allowed to wiggle on the cushion on his chair (as long as he doesn't bounce). She also thought that adding stripes of Velcro on the underside of his desk top that he can run his finger across might be helpful to him. Both of her suggestions have been working well for Joey. Seems he can still move while on the cushion, he is walking around the room less.

Yesterday, I met another resource teacher that apparently Joey has been spending some time in her classroom recently. The boys school is working on MAP testing and the resource teacher happen to be talking with Joey's teacher when she noticed his lack of focus during his test. He has been completing his test in her room, she quickly realized that Joey would more successful taking the test with five other students present than sitting in the class of 30+ and trying to focus. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but it takes very little to distract Joey. Joey has also been granted permission a few times to take his assignments into the resource teacher's room to have the extended time to finish them.

Also, yesterday I turned in my request for the school to evaluate Joey for any learning disabilities even though we are are still pursuing the medical evaluation. I also requested that I be granted an advocate for IEP's as I'm not real sure what help is available for him. We still do not have an IEP in place even though we are starting to figure out which accommodations work for Joey. The teachers I have talked to seem to agree that accommodations will be needed. His teacher has agreed to allow Joey to use an AlphaSmart for writing assignments, but has yet to actually let him use it.

I'm not really feeling that his teacher and I are on the same page. While she is going along with the accommodations once one of the resource teacher brings them in the class, she does not seem happy about it. When I talk to her (daily) I get the impressions that she thinks I'm looking for "special treatment" for Joey, which is not the case. I'm just trying to figure out what works best for him so she is not struggling with him all day. I'm hoping she realizes that we are on the same side. I'm trying to lessen her work, not make extra for her.

Joey is still bringing homework home everyday, but it's only a couple of questions per sheet and not near as many sheets. Homework isn't a battle and is completed in less than a half hour (compared to the hours it took the first couple weeks). All writing assignments he types on the computer and we attach it to the worksheet to turn in. While he is doing much better, he still has some issues to work on. BUT...he is making progress (however small) while not on any medications!!!!

* I am not against putting any of my children on medication if there is a real need for it. I want to try other non-medical options before returning to medication.

Aspie-lutely Awesome Joey!!

This summer Joey took a "drug holiday" which means he was off all his medications. We did our first ever drug holiday last year and he did wonderful with it. The main purpose of his meds is to help him slow down and focus better, there isn't much he needs to focus on during the summer. He isn't required to sit still for extended periods of time and has plenty of opportunities to release his energy outside. One of the major factors in wanting to take the "holiday" was Joey's sleeping schedule was so messed up. He was barely sleeping, most nights he was getting roughly 3-4 hours of  broken sleep. We had tried melatonin in the past; it did help him sleep better for the first night, but around the second or third night he would start having night terrors and we stopped using it. Sleeping had been an issue with him once we put him back on his meds last school year. It started off that it would take him (3) hours to settle down so he could sleep, then they upped his dosage because he was still having a hard time in school (the doctor said it was the dosage, not the lack of sleep) that after fighting for hours to get to sleep be was unable to stay asleep. I'm proud to say that throughout this summer he has been sleeping a lot better, he still wakes up too early but he's getting 9-10 hours of rest a night.

Around the same time we decided to take another "holiday" our family doctor moved down south and we had to find a new one. I chose a pediatric doctor this time. I had switched Jacob over to the pediatrian about 6 month prior to having to switch the other boys. There are only 2 doctors in the office and I absolutely LOVE them both. Joey's new doctor was surprised that he had been diagnosed with ADHD at age 6 with only the use of a survey and that neither him nor Jordan had been re evaluated since their diagnosis. She was firm about not refilling their (mainly Joey's) prescriptions until he had a psychological evaluation done. I figured during his "holiday" was a great time for the evaluation that way they could get a clear look at how he was un-medicated. There was a mix up with our insurance and I was told that I needed to reapply that none of us had insurance. After reapplying I learned that there was no need for us to reapply and that we had insurance the whole time. It took about a month to straighten out, and that was a month I could have been looking into getting Joey the evaluation he needed. Trying to get in to see a psychologist before the start of school was a challenge,every place I called had a 9-12 month waiting list. I checked back with the pediatrician to see if a neurologist's evaluation would work, and had an appointment for 1 week later.

It took Joey 20 minutes to write the same four sentences as his classmate.

When we went to the neurologist I kind of had my own ideas of what might be going on with Joey, but kept them to myself. I didn't want to sway the doctor and was curious to see if she saw the same "symptoms" I did. Papa & Grandma watched the other boys so just Joey and I could go to the appointment, I didn't want the boys' "helping" to interfere with the doctors observations. By the end of the appointment the doctor had come to the same conclusion as I, and Joey was diagnosed with ADHD and "possibly" Autism Spectrum Disorder. She said that Joey is definitely on the spectrum but wanted a neuropsycological test for a clearer diagnosis. She said that he is high functioning and is leaning more towards Asperger Syndrome but to see the neuropsycologist. We were also given a script for behavioral therapy and occupational therapy. She suggested that they he may also have disgraphia. After doing some research on what Disgraphia is, I have to say I agree with her. She also told me not to put him back on the medication he was taking, due to the sleeping issues it was obviously not working properly for him.

*Disgraphia is learning disability that effects writing. Often times, and in Joey's case, writing is illegible and the spacing between letters and words is not consistent. Even he has a hard time reading his own writing. Having to write for extended amounts of time cause him pain in his hands and fatigue. He has a very difficult time with spelling and still reverses letters. He has a hard time getting his thoughts onto paper and often times leave words or sentences unfinished.

Joey and I had talked about what "possibly" being autistic meant and what the chances were that he actually had autism. We are very blessed to know people with a different range of abilities, including two who are on different sides of the Autism Spectrum. We have my nephew Matthew whom had lived with us for a year about a year ago and is mildly autistic and our friend "E" who has aspergers. My boys have also been exposed to kids on the spectrum that ranged from severe to mild autism when we use to take Matthew for his therapies. Joey accepted the news of his diagnoses very well. Having a reference point of "E" really helped him see what characteristics of Asperger Syndrome he has. He didn't see himself as "autistic like Matthew" who has more behavioral issues than "E". I knew he would be fine with a diagnosis of Asperger, when I told him "Yep, it would make you an "Aspie" like "E" and he replied "That's because I'm aspie-lutely awesome!! :D Hey, if they say I have Aspergers will you make me a shirt that says that!"

Joey is on the waiting list for occupational therapy at the same facility I took Matthew to. Fingers crossed that we won't have to wait long. Joey is really excited to start therapy, he has already seen the "rewards" for working hard. From things I have been hearing, I may need to do some research on how to get him the behavioral therapy as our insurance may not cover it.

This all took place two weeks before the start of school and we won't have our first appointment with the neuro-psychologist until 2 weeks after school starts. So I was very anxious about sending to school without medication of any kind. Since first grade he has always been on one med or another. I was worried about how the other students would view Joey, would they see him as quirky and weird or think that he was trying to be the class clown or rebel. The first few weeks is when everyone is starting to figure out who to hang out with and who to avoid. There wasn't much I could do to help Joey make a "good" first impression. We talked about what behaviors would be acceptable, but talking about them and him following through are two totally different things.

His first day was only a half day (3.5 hours) and he didn't get much sleep the night before because of Jacob's trip to the ER. He did beautifully though!! He walked into class noticed the directions on the board and got right to work finding his way around the room. The second day though, his teacher got to see Joey as he normally acts (not that he was misbehaving). He had a bumpy start and dug in his heels about getting a particular assignment done. He needed a few reminders to stay on task but as the day progressed he controlled himself better.
*Currently Joey does not have a 504 or IEP in place. We are waiting until after the evaluation to determine what accommodations he may need.

I will keep everyone updated on as we get a clear look at what all is going on with Joey. Until then prayers for him to have successful days in school and to get into therapy quickly would be greatly appreciated.

Update on Matthew

Just over a week ago Matthew moved out and after spending a few days with his grandparents he's all moved in at his dad's. His first couple of days were a little rough for him, although he loves staying at Grandma's house it wasn't what he was expecting. He was prepared to move straight into dad's house, but there was a little hiccup up work schedules and everything worked out in the end. After his first couple days at Grandma's Matthew started to really miss us. He has never been away from us for more than 2 days at a time the whole time he stayed with us. Once moving in with his dad, it was easier for him to not dwell on us not being around. I was worried about him adjusting to being an only child after being "one of the boys" for so long, but recently found out that dad's girlfriend and her 6 year old son were also moving in the same weekend. He has fallen into somewhat of a routine with dad. He's continuing with his therapies and is strictly following the gluten free diet. I had hoped to see him on July 4th, but just couldn't meet up with them. From what I've heard through the grapevine he is testing boundaries and testing to see what he can get away with. He has tested the therapist also, to see if even though dad takes him there now that he still has to do the exercises. I think they have him back on track during therapy now and he's participating again. Both Matthew and his dad are figuring things out and seem to be adjusting really well.
  My boys are excited to have my undivided attention again. We've been working at getting things running smoothly around here and getting everyone on the same page about what is expected of them. There was a question of who gets their own room now, seems there is a bunk bed set up in both bedrooms. We have figured out a rotation of the rooms that works for all 3 of them. They were eager to reclaim their space and their stuff. We have been working on correcting some of the resentment sharing everything 24/7 for almost a year. They are doing great; attitudes are improving, their aggression has lessened towards each other, and routine is being restored. We have been spending a lot of family time together both working our way through our bucket list and just hanging out. There has been more cuddles and hugs getting passed around. They have surprised me at how quickly their behaviors started to change once it was just the four of us again. Things that would have sent them on the offensive have mostly been rolling off their backs. The high fiving, fist bumps and hugs between the boys has returned. I'm very proud of the changes in attitude and behavior of my boys; I know it will take some time but we'll all get back to where we were before. We still have a ways to go but we're getting there.
  Last weekend was very busy for us; between Joey's birthday, Matthew moving out the day after that, and marking off more of our bucket lists. Joey's birthday this year was a quiet event with the five of us and my parents. The boys went swimming (I wasn't getting into that pool, the water was freezing), Joey received some really cool stuff he had wanted along with MANY baseball cards (his newest collection), and a cute Lego cake I made for him. The cake was an adventure to make, from the cake falling apart, having to run back to the store for more cake mix,  to my natural food dyes not changing the color of the icing, to finally adding additive filled dyes. Knowing that it was the cake that Joey really wanted and totally loved, was worth the mishaps along the way.
  The day after his birthday, things had gotten off to a rough start. What was left of Joey's birthday cake was left on the back of the stove, and while I was in the shower Matthew helped himself to about half of it. Needless to say I wasn't too pleased. Trying to maintain a positive attitude and not let it ruin our day and trying to have Matthew's last day with us end on a happy note, we went bowling. Bowling is one of Matthew's favorite things (after Hot Wheel cars) also one of our bucket list items. We had a great time bowling and ran into some of Jacob's friends who bowled with us for a bit. Everyone was in great moods, ribbing each other about their great gutter balls, and how could they have gotten been beaten by a girl (mom) as we left. Walking outside into a mass of fish flies, the boys being boys started throwing them at each other and Jacob's friends. An improv fish fly fight; everyone running around laughing and fish flies were flying in every direction and the boys all loving it; then came the an ear piercing scream from Matthew. He had managed to get himself in the very center of all the boys and a fish fly landed on him. He screamed so loud and so long that people from the stores next to the bowling alley actually came out to see what was going on. He was wildly swinging his arms, dropped to the ground kicking, and striking out at anyone or anything near him. I tried to get close to him to attempt to calm him and reassure him, not knowing what else to do. I was in complete shock at his sudden tantrum and the severity of it. This was the first time Matthew had had a fit while staying with me. I had never been so embarrassed, and as quickly as he started he just stopped.  All happy positive feelings gone, replaced by embarrassed on my part, anger, resentment, and embarrassed on the boys part. Jacob's friends got scolded by their mom who came running out when Matthew started screaming, even after I tried to explain that they hadn't known the fish flies would set Matthew (none of us did). My boys were not happy that their game had come to an abrupt stop, that their friends got into trouble and that people from the bowling and other stores were all staring at them because of Matthew. Matthew was perfectly calm and clueless about how his fit affected everyone else, and picked up another fish fly to throw at Jordan. On the way home he talked nonstop about everyone throwing bugs and how fun and funny it was; having no idea that he was making the boys even more upset and reminding of us of how embarrassed we were. When we got home from bowling Grandma was there to take Matthew to her house for a couple days. Needless to say after the scene that had occurred only 10 minutes before, they boys were ready to see Matthew leave. So much for ending his last day with us on a happy note.

We've been busy marking off our Summer Bucket List

 Waking up early on a Saturday morning to be across town by 9 a.m. with all four boys, isn't one of my favorite things to do (especially after everyone getting into the habit of sleeping in late). Participating in the Out & About Autism Walk is well worth it. I cheated when I added this to our bucket list, because this is an annual thing for us the past couple of years. We meet my parents out there for the walk, but this year we had the joy of one of Matthew's sister joining us. We stuck to the 1 mile fun walk, after struggling with Matthew in the wagon up on down the unpaved hills last for the 3 mile. It was nice to see familiar faces of the kids from Matthew's therapies there along with their staff and some of their parents. Also to meet some of my mom's co-workers. autism awareness is close to my heart obviously because of Matthew, but also my mom works in the autism program at work. and I have many friends whose lives have been touched by some one who is autistic. I love that this is something I can share doing with my family and get my boys involved with.

  We crossed off making cookies from our list. I've been craving homemade chocolate chip cookies for about a week. I know cookies aren't helping me any for my BeachBody challenge, but sometimes you just gotta have cookies made with love. The weather has been on the cooler side, so we figured it was time to make mom...I mean the boys some cookies. Thankfully I have some very talented little chefs, we forgot to readjust our recipe and they ended up making five dozen cookies. Honest, the boys ate the majority of them.
Many years ago my mom took my brother and myself strawberry  picking and the memory has stuck with me. Wanting to make memorable moments with my boys I added it to our bucket list. We were only there 30-40 minutes and had filled our flat with 11lbs of strawberries. Jordan was really into it and a huge help filling our flat. Jacob was in his glory just eating strawberries He'd pick one
and ask if it was a good one, regardless if I said try to pick ones that are more red or that's a great one, he'd answer "Oh, I'll eat it then. lol Joey, my sweet Joey; who isn't a fan of strawberries or any fruit only picked a handful to contribute. He spent most of the time looking for the ones that were absolutely perfect, if it wasn't perfect he'd leave it and keep searching.
  On our way home from getting our strawberries we passed a farm we frequent every summer and stopped in for what was suppose to be a quick visit. We stayed a lot longer than we planned because the animals were very friendly. A calf that was only a couple months old, snuggled up next to Jordan and licked the remains of strawberries off his jeans while he pet its head. The goats and sheep ate every piece of hay Joey and Jacob  held out to them. The donkey came right up to the fence so Jacob could pet him. Even the pigs were awake and active and come over to sneeze and snot on the kids. We went inside the farm house and Joey and Jacob put on a animal puppet show for me, and Jordan talked one of the farmers into letting him hold a baby chick.
We drove out to Fort Gratiot to visit the oldest lighthouse in Michigan. I was surprised at how excited the boys were about climbing the lighthouse. We learned a lot of cool information about light lighthouse, I try to squeeze in education wherever I can. We climbed the 94 steps up to near the top of the 86 foot lighthouse. The view of Lake Huron and the Canadian border was so beautiful.  After out tour we were told we should check out the "Floating Lighthouse" that was just down the street. Actually it was a Lightship and we took a tour of it too. The boys weren't as impressed by it as they were with the lighthouse. Some of it may have been due to the long stories our guide a lovely older gentleman told along the way. The younger two were fascinated by seeing the bridge to Canada and the knowledge that another country was so close to where we live. We walked the boardwalk for a bit and read some of the informational signs along the way.
 That's five more things marked off our bucket list. I think we'll be focusing more on the ones we can do at home for a bit. The boys like the ones where we go places more than the homebound ones. I'll have to space them out some, there still is two more months of summer. Either that or come up with more ideas to add to our list, hmmm....