Monday, April 13, 2015

Dating After A Decade - Part 1

I have been struggling about how to write this post. At the end of our date, we had different views of how things went. I see the whole thing as humorous as when I went to the singles New Year's Eve event, but at the same time want to be respectful of the guy who took me out.

Let me give you a little background on how this whole "date" came to be. A friend of a friend had started a singles group on Facebook. It's not a  page in which you'd be looking for a potential partner, it's more of support page for singles. Most of the people on the page have been divorced, so it's kind of a place to chat with people who can relate to what you are going through. A friend of mine invited me to the page even though I have never been divorced (never been married either), when the page first started up. Through that page I started chatting with a guy who was struggling through issues I had dealt with in the past. I thought I could just be there as a sounding board for him. The more we messaged back and forth the more we learned we have similar interests. We attend the same church and arranged to meet up, after all when you're going through some tough things you can use all the friends you can get. Shortly after meeting we started chatting for hours every night, sat together during service and starting going places on the weekends he had his kids. Apparently, we were the only ones who saw this as two families hanging out as friends, and soon decided that the masses were corrected that we were actually dating.

Once coming to that conclusion after a pleasant evening of sitting at my house watching a movie with our kiddos, he dropped his "deal breakers" on me. While most of them I agreed with and respected like not wanting to date a smoker (I'm still working on quitting, so he allowed that one to slide). He had this one that there was no way I could abide by, not only could the lady he was dating not drink but neither could her family members. I would not consider myself as drinker. I am known to have a glass a wine in the evening while reading or watching a movie, but that's like 1-2 glasses every 3 months. Also in the rare occasions my friends and I can get  night away from our kiddos for a girl's night I'll have a drink or two; but a girl's night only happens once a year at the most. Anyways, there is no way I could have all my extended family refrain from consuming any alcohol when my friend and his children were around, especially if he was planning on sticking around for years. Nor would I want to, I love my family for who they are, not for what they do. Personally, it doesn't bother me if people drink, even around my boys, unless they're getting to the point of falling over drunk. I see it as a teachable moment, that moderation is key and to know your limits.

So he decided that we'd be better off remaining as "just friends". I was crushed. Here I had just learned that I had been dating a guy for almost 2 months without really realizing it. (I've been away from the whole "dating scene" for quite some time, so I was a bit slow realizing this fact). Now he dumps be because of something I have no control over.

He felt bad for breaking my heart and we continued to chat most nights, working on figuring out how to be "friends". It didn't take long before we were confronted with there could be something more between us and we should give dating another shot. His deal breaker still stood but we'd try to figure a way to address it that would suit both of us. We decided that we'd go out just the two of us. Usually we did kind of a "family date" where my kids were with us or both of our kids were with us. Also he and I needed to spend more face time together besides when we were in church, 95% of our conversations were through text.

 While we have many of the same interests, we are polar opposites. I can be quite loud and outgoing and am very talkative. I'm always on the go and enjoy being part of things. He is so very quiet. He's more of an observer than a participant. I thought maybe we'd balance each other out; play off the other ones strengths. He's not really "my type", but he is what "my type" should be more like. He had also confirmed that I'm not his typical type either.

Want to know what happened on the actual date? There is a part two to this post :)