Single Moms on Father's Day

Dear Single Moms,

Father's Day is not about you! Its not about you pulling double duty or having to pick up the slack. I use to buy into the "But I have to be Mom and Dad", but do I really need to consider myself as both parents? I can't think of a single thing that my boys' fathers could have taught them that I couldn't as their mother, some things were trickier, like standing to pee and puberty. As a single mom I am enough.
I am enough to show my children how to treat a lady by the way I allow or do not allow any man to speak or treat me. I taught them what being a man was, as well as their absent fathers inadvertently taught them how a man does not act. I have taught them to work hard and take responsibility for their actions
I am enough to have taught them to respect people, to be fair, to actually listen to other people, see different points of view (if if they don't agree with them), to stand up for what they believe in. To never shake hands while sitting down, and that a handshake should be firm and to look into the persons's eyes.  I taught them what our family's values and a love for God.
As a women who is not physically coordinated when it comes to sports, I did teach them well enough to get by with throwing a ball, playing catch, 2-hand touch football. I sat through Superbowl games and attended Piston games. I've learned the rules and practiced the sports they were involved in. I have roughhoused with them and wrestled with them. When they were younger I tossed them "too high" in the air.
They have taught me how to play their favorite video games and I'm pretty good at shooting aliens now. I have taught them to encourage others and how to be a good loser.
I have listened to borderline inappropriate jokes, taught them how to belch, how to burp the alphabet. I have congratulated them on loud or extremely smelly farts.
I taught them how to build a bonfire and how to barbecue, I taught them to appreciate nature, to look for bugs, how to proper pick up a snake, and how to fish.
I have worked side by side with them on woodworking projects, gardening, and miscellaneous manual labor actives. I have taught them home repairs, how to put a chain back on their bike.
I have encourages them to be fearless and take a chance, to push themselves just a little bit further then they thought they could go.
I have gotten on them about grades. I've dealt with the misbehavior and followed through with discipline.
I have told them countless times "atta boy", "I'm proud of you", and "I love you"
I have done exactly the same thing I would do if their fathers were involved, because I am their mother and that's what I do.
Don't include yourself in Father's Day because you are a mother doing just what a mother does. Its not double duty, its just taking care of your responsibilities; raising children doesn't split responsibilities between parents,

*Father's Day also isn't a day to call out the "dead beats", if they're not involved blasting them on social media isn't going to make them suddenly step up. You're kiddos have (or will learn) who is there for them when they need someone.
If you feel the need to blast something on social media, shout out to all male role models who have been in your child's life- even if they played a small role.

So Many New Schools

Anyone still there?!?! I can't believe its been over a year since I lost wrote a blog post!!! A lot has happened in the last 2 or so years, I'm not even sure where to begin. If you have been following our Facebook page you may have glimpsed a bit of what we've been doing.

Jordan completed half a year at his high school, then we tried online school for the remainder of his freshmen year. He was excelling with the online courses, the school we were participating through offered to pay for him to continue with the online courses through a private institution. The new curriculum really challenged him and he began struggling with a few of his classes. Jordan felt he would like to return a brick and mortar school and returned to the charter school his Junior year. Halfway through the school year we were presented with a much awaited opportunity that meant another school change. Jordan would be attending the same high school I did when I was younger, having to be "the new kid" at the beginning of second semester. Then there were a few hiccups with figuring out his schedule and current grades for his classes seems the charter school operated on trimester rather than semesters. He will be finishing his senior year this year. He's experimenting with a new class that embraces a hidden talent/interest of his, choir, which he is really enjoying.

New grade, new name; Joey decided he would now be called Joe because he was no longer a little kid, mow being in middle school. It took Joe awhile to accumulate to middle school with the changing of classes and a greater part of the responsibility for his schoolwork resting upon his own shoulders. He was off to a very bumpy start, having very much disliked a specific teacher/class and earned himself a few detentions for coming to class extremely late. He was also still being very head-strong about not wanting to be different and resented the accommodations we had put in place to help him succeed. It didn't matter to him that we careful to keep his accommodations as discrete as we could, he was going to butt heads with us to show his independence. By second semester he backed down a bit and we lifted some of the helpful aids we had arranged for him, win-win. The following year he made some really great friends, every one of them was a girl, not only did he seek them out between classes they would seek him out as well. He had finally found a group that fully accepted him, when some of the other kids would tease Joe these girls would rally around him and stand up for him while not making it seem like he had girls coming to his rescue. Joe was taking on more responsibility with his schoolwork, but still struggled to get the assignments turned in that he had completed. He was truly enjoying seventh grade! Then our opportunity arose and he was uprooted from not only his school but his group of friends he had grown very close to. Joe would be attending the same middle school I had and was the new kid entering at the beginning of second semester. This year he has found a small group of kids to hang with. He's also realized that he's almost in high school and needs to start putting more effort into his schoolwork. He's also applied to be the school's mascot, with I think he'll be perfect at! He's also really concerning joining the wrestling team.

Jacob was top dog, along with the rest of the fifth-graders and had become very comfortable at this school but was also eager to be moving on, out of the elementary school. Jacob had quickly became one of the popular kids in elementary school, but the cool kind of popular that got along with everyone and wasn't snooty. Middle school for Jacob took some adjusting as he isn't comfortable with new situations or environments. After the initial anxiety had passed he found his place as one of the popular kids among the sixth-grader. He continued to excel in his classes, with only one incident when he began to show some insecurities about his knowledge and started "dumbing down" himself because many of his classmates were not at the same level he was. He quickly got himself back on track once we refocused his attention to be the kid his classmates aim to be. It was smooth sailing until he started second semester at his new school. He handled the transition very well and his Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome wasn't activated. His personality however took a 180, he became shy and reserved at school and had little interest in making any friends. Jacob is Jacob and he kept his A average for the remainder of the school year. This year he's a bit more comfortable with the school and is starting to regain his place among the popular kids. He also applied for a position within the school and was "hired" as the office assistant, he gets paid with school credit for the school store.

I went back to school at the community college to finish my Associates of Arts. Having taken a 15 year hiatus I eased myself back into student life with just one class. I'm glad I only took one class because this history instructor was very detailed in the notes we were to take and our responses on coursework and exams; I'm proud to say I completed the course with an A. The second semester I registered for two onsite classes and two online classes. I ended up dropping my online history course because I was having difficulty understanding what was to be learned and what needed to be submitted,  I chalked it up to my lack of experience and the instructor's teaching style and my learning style were very different. I did beautifully with the other online course and one of my onsite courses; I did take a hit to my GPA with my other onsite class, after talking with classmates we concluded that everyone had done poorly in this class, the instructor had an idea of what he would have liked for an answer and if your response deviated from that per your lack of ability to read minds you were greatly marked down. Eventually everyone gets a teacher like that, overall I'm loving being back in school and am excited about obtaining my first of many degrees. This year I missed the deadline for financial aid and scholarships so I'll be taking this semester off, but I should still be on track to complete my Associates according to my plans; I only have 4 more courses to take.

We've Got a Plan...again!!

We're back to planning our menus!! I forgot how much I missed not hearing "What's for dinner?" every day and wondering the same thing myself while staring into the freezer. Once I figure out what we're eating that week it gets posted in the kitchen, no more guesswork (except for which veggies to have each night :) )

It can be so easy to get into a food rut, especially when majority of the family doesn't eat fish and can't eat much pork. We have 32 meals we rotate every month, but even our favorites are starting to taste bland. So we are trying to include at least one new recipe a week. Here's what this week's menu looks like for us.

Sunday- Taco Salad (using this taco seasoning)
Monday- Chicken Chili & corn bread
Tuesday- Bow tie Chicken Caesar Salad (new meal for us)
Wednesday- Meatloaf, homemade fries
Thursday-  Loaded Baked Potato Soup (new meal for us)
Friday- Marinated chicken breast, stuffing, and sweet potatoes
Saturday- Leftover buffet

 Linking up with Organizing Junkie's Menu Plan Monday.

Looking to add something new to your menu? Check out her blog, there are so many amazing meals shared every Monday!!

New Year, Same Me

We usually set some sort of new year's resolution, but decided against it this year. We start off strong but after a few months life gets in the way and we forget about them. The end of the year rolls around and our focus flips to what we didn't accomplish or which goals we let slip in favor of setting different goals, instead of remaining focused on how much we have grown and accomplished. How awesome is it when you lose 15 pounds you have been trying to shed and keep it off all year?! You're goal was to lose 20, you start thinking about what you could of, should of done to get those other 5 pounds; and you have just stolen your own joy.

I would love to see all my boys back on the honor roll (so would they), but we're going to keep doing what we've been doing. If they are struggling in an area then we'll focus on that area until they understand it. If they are trying their best and studying and only pulling a C+ then so be it. When their organization style is not longer working for them, I'll step in and help get that back on track. If they have been handling things on their own - keeping their grades up and getting assignments turned in, then there is no reason for me to step in just to push for higher grades. I want them striving for their best, not perfection.

We all have fitness goals we want to reach; I want to lose some weight, Jordan wants to work on building more muscle, Joey wants to gain some weight, and Jacob wants to be conditioned for soccer. There will be no weekly weigh-ins, no extreme workout routines, no major menu makeover, and no intense drills. We're still going to eat healthy, with the only change being we have recently decided to try not to eat as much over-processed prepackage foods. We'll be staying active with plenty of time playing outside, playing the sports they enjoy (soccer, basketball, and skateboarding/scooters), going on our hikes/nature walks, and no screen time Monday-Thursday. If during that time I lose weigh, Jordan gains muscle, Joey gains a few pounds, and Jacob is ready for soccer than fantastic! If none of that happens then fantastic, we are healthier than we thought :)

We have no set goals for 2017, other than being better people then we were last year. Learning new things, trying new things, continuing to grow in our relationships and spiritually.

Social Awareness Can Totally Suck

Social Awareness: understanding how you react to different social situations, and effectively modify your interactions with others so you achieve the best result.

I was going to write about how social awareness really sucks some times, when I noticed I already had a draft saved titled "Social Awareness Sucks" from just over a year ago. Seems we have come full circle. We are at a different level of sucky-ness than when I wrote the first draft. When I wrote the first draft my heart was so broken for Joey, which is why I never finished the post. It still really breaks my heart when I think back to that time.

Let me start by saying that I have always admired Joey's ability to do what he enjoys without fear of what others might think of him. He had always been content to do his own thing even if he was doing it alone. Also, let me say kids can be so mean!

Joey's lack of social awareness was a bittersweet blessing, it protected him from the cruelty of his classmates. While he was content to do his own thing, he wanted nothing more that to have friends and be included. He tried so hard and did everything he should have to make friends, but he was already written off as the "weird kid". He was deemed one of the weird ones because of he couldn't sit still and talked too much, his behavior when he was frustrated with his school work, and because he wrote/colored like a kindergartner (dysgraphia).  Every day he tried to engage his classmates, every day he was rebuffed by them. I was shattered the day he told me about the game he got played with his "friends", it was called "Joey Can't Play". He explained it that he goes to different groups of kids and tries to join whatever game they are playing and they find different ways to make it look like he was playing but he wasn't actually allowed to play. He had the biggest smile on his face when he told me too. To him this was his way to be included. The blessing part of this, he had no idea that kids were being cruel and counted every single kid in his class as his friend. Having to talk to him about how his "friends" weren't really his friends, was one of the more difficult conversations I've had to have with him.

Fast forward a couple months and a new medication change, Joey hits the beginnings of social awareness. He comes home from school with the realization that everyone hates him. He sits by the wall all recess or on the"Buddy Bench" (the bench for when you're looking for someone willing to play with you). His class had instituted "The Joey Touch" and it had started to overflow to the rest of the grade during lunches. Everyone groaned and tried to switch partners when paired up with him. He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong to make everyone dislike him. The more he tried to act like everyone else the more the pushed him away. They were even setting him up to get in trouble, they would invite him to play tag then tell the recess monitors that he was chasing them (the school social worker was able to actually witness this a few times).

Beginning of 5th grade, we saw the grace of social awareness, although he still struggled to be liked by his peers. He curbed some of his quirky ways while at school. When he talked to peers he stayed mostly on their topic. He focused on finding just one or two kids to be friends with. He stayed away from the kids who were being mean or rude to him. He tried reverse psychology on them per my request just to see what would happen. He stopped chasing the girls at recess when they asked, he'd walk up to a group of kids playing a game ask what they were doing then walk away uninterested. Slowly the kids started noticing that Joey wasn't trying to be included and started finding ways to include themselves in what he was doing. I'm so grateful that worked in our favor, we had a 50/50 shot of that actually working. He was less frustrated with his school work due to finally finding a medication that worked for him. His teacher was awesome and did a lot of class work together; as his peers started realize Joey's really smart and has really good ideas they stopped complaining when they were paired up with him.

That brings us to now, end of 5th grade beginning of 6th grade. He has a pretty good handle on what the social norms are. He still has areas he needs to work on but has made amazing progress, and I'm so proud of him. He has a couple friends and talks at least in passing to most of the kids. He's so afraid to be singled out as the weird kid again. He doesn't want to do anything that might cause his peers to think he's different from them. He doesn't want any accommodations that help him with his school work (like going to the resource room during tests) or teachers checking that he has any homework packed to be taken home. He understands that everything we put in place is to help make life easier on him and is meant to be temporary, but he doesn't want to be different anymore. As of right now we have no modifications or accommodations in place.

His being wary of what being different has overflowed to outside of school also. He doesn't want to take his ADHD medication and refuses to cooperate at occupational therapy. Yesterday I was called back at OT because Joey refused to do any of the exercises and literally had the OT chasing him wall to wall. Once I was back there he stood arms crossed and refused to do what he was asked until I threatened to take one of his privileges away. His reasoning he's not autistic like the other kids who go there (granted majority of the kids who also go the therapy center are more severely autistic), and it makes him feel like we think of him as "autistic like them". I have sat down and talk with Joey about why he needs his medication and therapy many times; he knows he needs both, but doesn't want to need them. He doesn't want to be different anymore.

New School Year, New Beginnings

School this year for us is packed with all sorts of new for us. Starting with the fact I have all 3 boys in 3 different buildings, with 3 different start and end times.

Joey is my first one out the door to head off to the middle school. He seems to be adjusting to 6th grade, his only complaint is there is a lot of walking in middle school. I think the changing of classes as well as different teachers for each subject is going to be a big help to him, allowing him multiple "movement breaks". His favorite class after just one week is Design and modeling, majority of his assignments will be done on the computer. It sounds like there is a lot of hands-on construction projects and they even get to use the 3D printer. At the end of last year we had his IEP early so we could come up with a plan for accommodations before they needed to be in place. We are taking a wait and see approach, giving Joey a few weeks to show us what he can handle on his own, then if need be we'll implement the necessary accommodations.

Jacob is the next one out the door,  He had been hoping for a specific teacher that specializes in social studies, so he could pick up his grade a bit in the subject. However, I'm thrilled the has the teacher Joey had last year. Once he realized that most of the "popular kids" are also in that class and the teacher doesn't assign homework, he's more excited about his teacher. As the youngest at home, he's loving being one of the oldest kids in the school. He's planning on being on every committee available to the 5th graders,  he's already signed up for safety patrol and recycling. He was very clear that he will NOT be taking band LOL

Jordan's school has been the biggest adjustment for me, he'll be doing online school this year. Which means he'll be home ALL day with me.  Jordan's school year actually won't start for a couple more weeks. Second semester of last year was just crazy for him!! His grades bounced from A's to F's and back or averaging somewhere in between, we were trying to figure out a correct dosage to maintain his ADHD symptoms. At the time online or homeschooling seemed like our best option. We tried homeschooling for the better part of a month, I quickly realized I had no clue what he was learning while in school. Jumping into first time homeschooling in the middle of a high school year wasn't the best plan, we both were so overwhelmed. I was so terrified I was going to mess up something when it came to his transcripts. We were able to find an online school an hour from our house. The online school was able to test him and place him in the appropriate classes. The only problem switching between public school to homeschool then to online classes was he was going to need to recover his second semester credits. Jordan has schooled throughout the summer break and is working on finished up his last two classes. He's in kind of limbo between two different class programs, he may continue with the one he's currently using or the online school may be able to get him into a virtual classroom. If he works his behind off, he'll finish in time to join the virtual classroom.

Just Leave it Out

I have been a parent for almost 16 years and I'm still figuring things out. Ever do something so simple and have it work wonders and think to yourself, why have I never thought of that before? That's what happened today. I'm sure this is something other parents have figured out ages ago, but it just never crossed my mind until today.

My boys are fantastic when it comes to picking out fruits and veggies. They have their favorites but are also willing to try new things. I'm that crazy mom in the produce aisle looking up how to tell if a starfruit is ripe and the best way to use them. We buy loads of fresh produce with ever intention to eat them.

Once home and everything put away, slowly our beloved strawberries we had planned to slice up get pushed back into the back corners of the fridge. Our watermelon we painstaking searched through the bin for becomes overlooked as part of our kitchen decor.

Forget about the vegetable drawer, if it can't be seen then it must not exist. Anything that goes in that drawer doesn't get scooped out in it's half decomposed sate until our next grocery shopping day. Instead that's where I hide the chocolate and sweet treats, it's always a sweet surprise now whenever I get around to open that drawer :)

I have tried reminding my boys "There's fruit in the fridge" and making suggestions "why don't you grab a banana", yet so much goes to waste. I'd get so annoyed, they begged for mangoes and now I'm having to throw them away again. I bought apples, even Joey will eat apples yet here they sit.

I couldn't figure it out, they pig out on fruits and veggies at Grandma's house. Like seriously will eat every piece of fruit she has in her house. I buy the same things she does. I have even gone as far as buying them at the same store she does.

Then it dawned on me, it's gotta be in a bowl!! We often tease my mom about how she always has to present everything in a bowl or on a platter. Bag of potatoes chips on the table, she'll pour them in a bowl. Sliced watermelon it all stacked neatly on a platter.

I'm busy keeping up with 3 boys ( and cleaning up after them) I don't have time for bowls and platters for presentation. They really don't care one way or the other about how food is present as long as there is food. We are all about efficiency. They want chips tear open the bag and count that you still have all your fingers after setting in the mist of all 3 of them. Watermelon, slice it and tell them to grab some if they want it.

Yet Grandma's bowl thing seems to gravitate there hands. So I gave it a shot.

I sliced up some cucumbers, set them on a plate and left them on the counter. Jordan walks through to refill his water bottle and ask who's cucumbers, I replied no one's really. He grabbed 4 slices and walked out. Jacob notices that someone is eating something and being the youngest wants to make sure he gets his share, walks in and takes a handful. Now these are the same cucumbers that have been sitting on counter all week that no one noticed.

With the cucumbers gone, I start pulling more stuff out of the fridge. Rinse some grapes and place them in a bowl on the kitchen table. I cut up the watermelon leaving the bowl on the opposite side of the kitchen. I broke out out "Garlic, Garlic dip" peeled some carrots and broke up some broccoli, those went on the picnic table.

As I stood there mindlessly eating grapes I watched my boys grab some of everything that was placed out.  Before the night was through they had eaten  two stalks of broccoli, a bag of carrots, a whole watermelon and a bag of grapes. Okay I have joined in with grabbing some of this and a little of that as I passed by. Even the neighbor kids asked for toothpicks to snack on some watermelon when playing in our yard.

When it's in a bowl they know it's washed and ready to eat. Also I have taken the "work" out eating them. I have them washed, sliced, cut, peeled, and presented. Also many of us are accustomed to mindless eating when we see food sitting in front of us.

So this was my "DUH" moment for the day. So simple, yet it never dawned on me. With this system in place we'll actually need to visit our Farmer's Market on Saturday morning.